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to find my dad's partner being a complete pain.

(6 Posts)
NSEWTravel Tue 02-Aug-11 08:12:41

Warning may be long just to give full picture.

My dad has been with his partner for 10 years. She has some lovely qualities, but can be insensitive and suffer from foot in mouth syndrome.

She is not my step mother neither in law or in action, and that's no problem. She has told my children (occurred when my then 2 year old called her it by mistake but been said many times), I am not your grandmother and never will be. Harsh but ok it's true.

She has one son, who got married two years ago, to a woman who doesn't like her. We (my dh and I, and the son and wife) have nothing in common other than our parents are together, and conversation never flows naturally between us, but we are all perfectly civil with each other and able to spend an afternoon together.

Anyhow, son now has a 18 month old child, the DIL won't allow (I don't know what reasons never asked her, and my dad's partner says she doesn't know) the son around to his mother's house alone with the child, and the child is never allowed alone with the mother, and is only allowed to see mother when the DIL is there.

I have absolutely no qualms about letting my kids go to the park with my dad's partner, or for going out in the evening with her babysitting, there is nothing that causes me to doubt her judgement so I don't know what the deal is.

Anyway now for those still with me to the AIBU resonable part - my dad works 5 days a week, and one of his days is a Saturday, so the only day we can meet is Sundays. Now the DIL works most Sundays.

I've been trying to arrange to see my dad (he lives 100 miles away) and have been given dates (2 one in August and September) that DIL is not working, so that we can be there at same time as the toddler.

We can't make those dates, so we asked could we do one without toddler, and see them another time, Dad is very much up for this. But dad's partner has said no as she thinks that we won't come at the same time as the toddler for a long time, and she wants to show him off.

My kids aren't interested in the toddler (not anti it but just along from the toddler stage), I'm not interested in the toddler, and I'm not particularly keen on son and DIL and am aware feelings mutual. But I feel that this woman is 'stopping' me from seeing my dad.

AIBU to say - Dad come down this weekend, and we'll be up soon to see the toddler, she is very overpowering, and does make it very hard for Dad to see his children?

squeakytoy Tue 02-Aug-11 08:25:54

I would say your Dad needs to grow a bit of backbone.

I say this as a woman who is married to a man with three adult children from his first marriage.

Catslikehats Tue 02-Aug-11 08:27:17

I'm confused why can't you just do two visits?

Presumably your dad's partner doesn't see much of her grandchild and just wants to "show him off" or at least play at "happy families". I don't really see what is wrong with that. This woman seemingly does a lot for you so couldn't you just let her have this opportunity without making a fuss?

BooyHoo Tue 02-Aug-11 08:30:45

yanbu. just say "dad, this is far more complicated than it needs to be. call down and see us at the weekend"

howabout Tue 02-Aug-11 08:40:19

YANBU.
Sounds like your Dad's pertner was quite happy with you and your Dad maintaining your relationship without her involvement up until now and is just going through a phase of wanting to play happy families. Also I would be wary of being used as a pawn in some sort of stand off ehich may be developing with her DIL. I completely understand as I have a very similar set up with my Dad and his partner and I can only advise that I found it best to deal direct with my Dad and let him handle his partner.

howabout Tue 02-Aug-11 08:41:38

Sorry partner, not pertner and which not ehich.

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