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AIBU?

To be told that if my 3.0 DD does not start to talk.....

84 replies

catwoman2011 · 01/08/2011 16:00

I went in for a review of my DD at nursery to be told that she does not communicate whilst she is there for her 16hspas week and that if she does not pick up her speech, we will be forced to send her to school.

We plan to home educate all of our children from the age of 5. I didn't have a very good experience of the 6 schools I went to and most of my qualifications have come from 16yrs in the TA. I now just have to do my degree, finish the DTLLLS and I get my PGCE which I hope use to tutor children after school in English and maths.

Now DD is fine at home (sometimes it is a job to keep her quiet) but at nursery they are concerned. They were happy that she was making friends but we go to ballet every week where she made friends instantly. There I was expecting to go in with her, when she held the teachers hand, said bye bye and closed the door behind them.

DD didn't talk for quite a while but we started using sign language at 18 months and since then she is coming on really well.

This isn't really about being told we cannot homeschool but more about not being able to choose as her responsible parents.

AIBU to think that when a woman has a baby that others seem to have the right to tell you how to bring up the child as if they are the property of the state??

Grrrr!

OP posts:

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RitaMorgan · 01/08/2011 16:04

The nursery can't tell you how to educate your child.

Sarsaparilllla · 01/08/2011 16:05

Do you think somehow she's picked up on the fact you didn't get on well at school and that's why she's reluctant to communicate at nursery as she sees it as like school? Does she know that's the reason you're plannign to home school her?

valiumredhead · 01/08/2011 16:07

Rita is right, the nursery can't tell you how to educate your child!

TattyDevine · 01/08/2011 16:10

What a bizarre thing for the nursery to say. As far as I am aware, there are no "qualifications and disclaimers" as to whether or not you can home school...

fluffyanimal · 01/08/2011 16:10

How can they force you to send her to school?

Perhaps it would be better not to focus on this one comment of theirs but on why they think your DD isn't communicating. Is it not the right nursery for her? Does she in fact have a genuine problem e.g. selective mutism? There are probably several scenarios to consider.

allhailtheaubergine · 01/08/2011 16:11

You would probably get more helpful advice if you posted this in Home Education or Behaviour and Development. If you report your post MNHQ might move it for you, or you could repost in one of those categories. Good luck with it all :)

MrSpoc · 01/08/2011 16:11

They are obviously very concerned. ow i know you a just a normal person looking t utilise their own choices but a child no talking, withdrawn is a sign of neglect or worse, put that into a pot where the child will also be home Ed, well you can guess. Surley its better safe tha sorry.

catwoman2011 · 01/08/2011 16:13

No, she doesn't know anything about me.

Like I said, she plays well with her cousins (there are 8 in total) joins in with the girls at ballet etc.

We went for a session with DS the other day and they hadn't noticed she'd gone to the loo - walked right past them, DH had to tell them she'd gone because she isn't wiping effectively enough at the moment. The nursery seems to be quite busy and I wonder if there are enough hands on deck. The minimum requirements are all well and good but some children need a bit more tlc than others I feel........

OP posts:

catwoman2011 · 01/08/2011 16:23

She also doesn't seem to want to stay and can't wait to get out when we pick her up.

if a child was being abused they wouldn't rush to her parents or grandparents with a hug and a kiss Would they?

She isn't mute at nursery, they are just saying that she isn't at the required standard to start school in 2 years time!!

Apparently I have to apply to HE but I have found this isn't so. Also the nursery can advise ofstead to force me to send them to school if they feel she hasn't progressed enough......

OP posts:

MrSpoc · 01/08/2011 16:27

May be the nursery is not the right one for her.

My boy when to one nursey he hated, always wetted himself there. (after beeing dry for a long time). If we drove downthe rad the nursery was on he would cry and be really clingy etc.

We moved him into a new one ad he loved it.

ThePosieParker · 01/08/2011 16:33

How many more signs do you need to see your child isn't happy? You must be able to sense it, just act.....trust yourself.

catwoman2011 · 01/08/2011 16:40

I think this is the right way to go. There is an outstanding one less than a mile from here. I have no car and cannot walk very far so the one she is at was perfect in terms of distance. She may have regressed because her keyworker has changed but she cannot stay if she is not happy (she comes home after lunch and raids the fridge like she hasn't eaten, even though they say she's eaten hers and other children's leftovers!)

OP posts:

CoteDAzur · 01/08/2011 16:43

"she cannot stay if she is not happy"

Why?

valiumredhead · 01/08/2011 16:47

I'm confused - you say the nursery say you will have to send her to school, and now are saying that they said she won;t be ready for school in 2 year's time

You don;t have to apply to HE - just don't register her or if she has been registered ask them to take her name from it.

CoteDAzur · 01/08/2011 16:49

I think that YAB a little bit U. Not re "as if they are property of the state" but re "they can't tell you how to bring up your child". Presumably, your chosen nursery is run by professionals specialized in this field and you should take their opinion into consideration rather than dismissing it as nonsense.

Also, I feel that YABU to have already decided to home educate your children because you had bad experiences at school. School is not just education, it is also socialization and learning to function in some very complex situations. You should have a good reason to take them out of mainstream education system, and "I didn't like school so they shouldn't go to school" is one.

TimeWasting · 01/08/2011 16:52

Doesn't sound like a great nursery.

Sarsaparilllla · 01/08/2011 17:11

Why does she have a keyworker, does she need any additional support which may also be adding to the issue she's having with communicating at nursery?

Isntitironic · 01/08/2011 17:15

Most nurseries all kids have a keyworker, that's just how it works.

Sarsaparilllla · 01/08/2011 17:17

Ah, ok, sorry I didn't know that :)

Oakmaiden · 01/08/2011 17:17

Sarsaparilla - all children in nursery schools should have a keyworker. It is hw they work nowadays.

MmeLindor. · 01/08/2011 17:18

I agree with Cote. Have you other reasons, other than your school experience to base your decision to homeschool on? Not all schools are bad - most Brits go to school and cope well with it.

It seems that they have concerns about your DD and are raising it, albeit in a rather clumsy way.

I would ignore the school suggestion and concentrate on finding out why your DD is not doing well at the nursery. Why cannot you move her? I did not quite understand that bit.

porcamiseria · 01/08/2011 17:20

agree with cote d'azur

there is alot more to school than education, and I also think you are being very dismissive of the skills and knowledge that nursery have

I think its a shame you are dismissing education as ultimately its your kids that will lose out

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bananasplitz · 01/08/2011 17:21

I now just have to do my degree, finish the DTLLLS and I get my PGCE

oh, doddle then

Oakmaiden · 01/08/2011 17:22

xposted. :)

OP. How long has your child been at this nursery?

The nursery cannot force you to send your child to school. Ofsted cannot force you to send your child to school. The LEA cannot force you to send your child to school. A court could take that action if they had good reason to believe that you were not providing your child with an appropriate education, but they are the only ones who can do this. But they can't do it before you have even started to HE!

This wasn't really a "should I HE" thread, but just to counter what has been said earlier - yes, the social aspects of school are important, but are not irreplaceable. As long as the parent makes every effort to check that the child has opportunities to interact with her peers, then the child will not "suffer socially" from not being in school. There are loads of HE groups around which are great for making friends (both child and Mum!).

valiumredhead · 01/08/2011 17:24

When I lived in SE London there was a huge HE support network. I was very tempted but sadly ds was desperate to go to school, and ultimately that's what was right for him

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