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to still be upset with my mil?

(32 Posts)
biddysmama Mon 01-Aug-11 14:25:56

after we announced we were engaged she told dh's neice that she would be being our bridesmaid, even tho were werent having bridesmaids, we planned a small wedding, no fuss,no reception, just getting married.

she sent out her own invitations to the wedding, to people we didnt invite instead of out homemade (keeping the price down) invitations

she insisted on a reception we couldnt afford so said she would pay for it... she ordered enough food for 30 people which is how many she invited, my side of the family and friends was 60 people, we didnt get any of it and had to go to the mcds drive through in my wedding dress

she complained that ds (7 months at the time) was wearing a pin striped suit, complained about the cake (my mums gift) that dh "wasnt allowed to drink at his own wedding" he chose not to, we have small children to look after still, complained about everything you can imagine, my grandad told her it wasnt her wedding and not to spoil it for us..

she told the dj she only wanted them for the evening, nothing for the afternoon(that came with the room) that we didnt have 'a song' even tho we did and the dj didnt have it for our dance

she didnt speak to me for the whole day.

aibu to be upset with her or should i have let it go? we got married in april, she takes over things like buying the gift we were buying for lo's birthdays, christmas etc..i usually just shrug it off but the wedding stuff still gets to me

mamas12 Mon 01-Aug-11 14:28:09

Grow a backbone woman, what are you her slave.
Why don't you feel as if you have no say in anything?

ChaosTrulyReigns Mon 01-Aug-11 14:28:22


Her actions resulted in you going to MacDonalds in your wedding gow?

How have you not killed her already?

ChaosTrulyReigns Mon 01-Aug-11 14:28:44


Portofino Mon 01-Aug-11 14:30:48

Haven't you posted this already? The drive thu McD's particularly stands out.

scarletfingernail Mon 01-Aug-11 14:31:36

YANBU! I would be upset with her for ruining my wedding day forever.

How on earth has she explained herself? What has your DH done about it?

whoneedssleepanyway Mon 01-Aug-11 14:32:46

how did the food for 30 people work? did her guests specifically get all of it and yours none, or was food for 30 people shared between 90 so everyone got a little bit.

am a bit hmm that you as the bride didn't get any of the food.

wannaBe Mon 01-Aug-11 14:33:09


pictish Mon 01-Aug-11 14:33:41

YANBU! Not at all!! She sounds an utter horror.

Although...I do agree about the 7 month old in a pin striped suit. YUCK. Sorry x

biddysmama Mon 01-Aug-11 14:34:39

food for 30 people shared between 90, by the time dh and i had got to it there was nothing left..

portofino, ive not posted it all but probably mentioned it on another thread?

Sarsaparilllla Mon 01-Aug-11 14:35:09

Why didn't you just tell her to butt out and book your own buffet, and why didn't you speak to the dj in advance yourself? Yes, she sounds horrid but being in the middle of planning my own wedding, if anyone did all that I'd have told them where to go shock

Ok, so she didn't order enough food, why didn't you know about that in advance and how on earth did it work out that all her side got the food and yours not? Didn't you all arrive together?

Sorry, just don't really make sense to me confused

whoneedssleepanyway Mon 01-Aug-11 14:36:16

she sounds like a complete cow to be honest with you...

I would avoid telling her what you are buying the LOs etc so she can't pinch your ideas, as for the wedding I guess just try to forget about it (easier said than done)

Sarsaparilllla Mon 01-Aug-11 14:36:45

Ok, cross posted there, but still, you sound surprised about the lack of food and DJ issue, why didn't you know about this in advance and put it right?

vegetariandumpling Mon 01-Aug-11 14:37:18

YANBU and I think you should have a lovely 1yr anniversary party to make up for it

MissFenella Mon 01-Aug-11 14:38:42

is this 'Am I being unbeliveable'?

RobintheRobin Mon 01-Aug-11 14:38:49

OMG, what an awful woman! You need to stop her meddling right now! And it's ur DH who needs to stamp this out. Distance yourself from her as soon as you can!

biddysmama Mon 01-Aug-11 14:39:56

she booked the room and the dj, we told her the song but she didnt tell him, she told us she had ordered enough food.

ive stopped talking to her unless necesarry telling her anything but she wrangles it out of dh in conversation.

biddysmama Mon 01-Aug-11 14:40:30

missfenella, i wish i was making this up sad

newmum001 Mon 01-Aug-11 14:45:13

I'd never forgive her but to be honest I wouldn't have let all that happen in the first place. As for buying presents for your DC's that you'd planned to buy just stop telling her what you're getting them then she can't get it before you! You seriously need to stand up to her!

newmum001 Mon 01-Aug-11 14:45:13

I'd never forgive her but to be honest I wouldn't have let all that happen in the first place. As for buying presents for your DC's that you'd planned to buy just stop telling her what you're getting them then she can't get it before you! You seriously need to stand up to her!

SenoritaViva Mon 01-Aug-11 14:46:20

Where is your DH in all this? He sounds like he hasn't got any backbone to be honest.

I can understand why you are still angry and hurt; I have my own issues about my wedding and it is really hard to get over.

If I am going to be really tough then I think you need to get over it. Not because your MIL was reasonable in any way but because there were some things you could have done like booking the room, sticking to your original plan etc. DESPITE her. However, I know that's quite hard.

At least you have learnt to deal with her, not let her in on the DC's presents etc. but I think you now need to learn to deal with your DH. Does he just side with her? If so I think you need a frank conversation about how his mother over steps all boundaries and he needs to protect his family from it. If he is blind to it I would write down (do it in hand please then destroy it, the last think you want is an electronic version making it's way to your MIL!) of all the things she has taken over. Explain why it wasn't acceptable and how you BOTH need to behave to negate this otherwise it will ruin your lives/marriage.

biddysmama Mon 01-Aug-11 14:49:59

i was stupid, i really thought she was trying to help and being nice, i didnt know what i was doing, i had babies to care for and it just seemed the easiest thing to let her do it (my mum sorted the cake and helped me pick dresses, hair, the girly crap im no good at) my dad helped with the actual wedding so i thought she was doing the same thing by sorting the reception sad

biddysmama Mon 01-Aug-11 14:50:49

lol at my email ending up viral, in the daily mail (or wherever the no manners dil one was) grin

mummakaz Mon 01-Aug-11 14:53:33

Sorry but you are letting your MIL walk all over you and the longer you let her the more she will do it! why would you shrug off her taking over buying your lo's presents? you both need to put your foot down with her imo

Makes me grateful I have a lovely mil thats for sure smile

controlpantsandgladrags Mon 01-Aug-11 14:55:04

Your MIL is a twat. I'm not surprised you're still upset. Have you spoken to her about it and told her how upset you are?

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