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To send DS to bed without dinner

(150 Posts)
messybessie Sun 31-Jul-11 18:43:09

I've said it now but feel awful.

Sunday dinner in garden. Grandad and BIL also in attendance. DS is 5. Refused to sit properly, kept shouting and screeching, refused to use knife and fork, breaking up potatoes with his hands.

I took him from table and told him to sit in kitchen until he could behave.

He eventually came back to table but still wouldn't sit properly and finally through potato and fork across table.

Dinner went in bin. He is now sobbing because he'd hungry.

belledechocchipcookie Sun 31-Jul-11 18:44:36

Food is not a weapon! Bring your child downstairs and feed him.

HeadfirstForHalos Sun 31-Jul-11 18:45:50

I don't agree with withdrawing food as punishment though I can see how it came to that. Let him have some toast or somethong and send him back to bed.

LineRunner Sun 31-Jul-11 18:46:09

When he is calm and when he has said sorry, you might agree with him - you're in charge - that he may come and sit nicely and have some bread and butter and a glass of milk (or equiv).

Smiles all round are not impossible today.

LadyThumb Sun 31-Jul-11 18:46:33

Leave him for half an hour, go up and reiterate what he did wrong, get an apology then tell him he can have a sandwich.

Shinyshoes1 Sun 31-Jul-11 18:46:39

give him something to eat.

I think you are being ott

joric Sun 31-Jul-11 18:50:34

If he will eat new food without messing around with it and throwing it I don't see anything wrong with giving him some now - IMO you are right not to accept this and right to ask him to leave table...maybe a sandwich/ something plain?

Reesie Sun 31-Jul-11 18:51:46

I suppose he is only 5 and was probably excited by all the extra family members in the house. There needs to be manners at the table though. Was he a bit overtired?

Don't feel awful, we can't go though our child rearing lives without reprimanding our children. It's through us that they learn their early social skills.

He had loads of chances but wouldn't eat. I make one pot of dinner per evening, one chance of eating and if you miss out on it - there's nothing else! No fuss, but no chance of something else. I'm not mean - it's all stuff they usually like to eat. I often get them involved in choosing what to make for dinner.

So - YANBU. Your job is to provide healthy food for your children, it's up to them to eat it! Don't go down the road of offering alternatives 'just' so that they eat 'something' - it's a sticky path!

messybessie Sun 31-Jul-11 18:52:17

He hasn't gone to bed yet. It's bathtime.

I will try and find him something when he's got his pyjamas on.

We are having lots of issues recently with his behaviour and I think he thinks I won't follow through on anything

He's probably right sad

AmberLeaf Sun 31-Jul-11 18:53:56

YABU

Feed him ffs!

He's 5, are there usually guests for dinner?, do you usually eat in the garden?

Please dont use food as a punishment and pleease dont give him something plain/horrible instead!

belledechocchipcookie Sun 31-Jul-11 18:54:25

You have to make threats that you can follow through, such as no TV/removal of a favourite toy. Food should never be with held as a punishment. It takes time and patience to train a child, like a dog really. smile

Oakmaiden Sun 31-Jul-11 18:55:10

Frankly, I would have thought if he was hungry he would have eaten his food and not thrown it across the table. I don't think you are being unreasonable - obviously it is not ideal, but sometimes life is like that.

aquos Sun 31-Jul-11 18:58:30

I sent my son to bed once without dinner as he wouldn't come off his PS to eat at the table. I asked him 3 times and he ignored me. After about 10 minutes I just put the food in the bin and sent him to bed. I felt awful, probably a lot worse than he did. But, he always comes to the table now on the first time of asking. He was 8 att.

Parenting is tough and sometimes the actions we take hurt us more than it hurts them.

joric Sun 31-Jul-11 19:01:19

I'm with oakmaiden- OP is hardly starving DS- he was GIVEN food and threw it across the table FFS!!! Something plain to eat now and a reminder ( for next time ) that he will be asked to leave the table again if he throws his food. He is 5 ( school age?) YANBU OP.

4madboys Sun 31-Jul-11 19:01:38

actually if my kids mess about dont eat nicely at the table then they have also gone to bed without dinner.

ditto if they refuse to eat dinner because they dont like it, i wont offer an alternative, they go to bed hungry, offering alternatives and pandering to fussiness (in a non special needs child) is simply pandering to them imo.

you sit at the table and eat nicely, and use cuttlery (age appropriate obv) or you go without, even my 3 yr old understands that rule, i will warn him, give him time out and a final chance to come and sit and eat nicely but if the bad behaviour continues then he will (and has) gone to bed hungry.

MegBusset Sun 31-Jul-11 19:02:31

I would give him something, but make it pretty dull - toast and a banana ought to do it.

Missing his dinner wasn't a punishment as far as I can see - he chose not to sit and eat it so being hungry is the natural consequence!

how much of this is you doing the 'no dinner' because you had family round? Even if nothing is said, there's always the pressure of unspoken expectations of your child being utterly brilliant in public.
(or is that just my own insecurities coming through?)

FWIW I don't think it's the end of the world to send him to bed without a cooked meal, however can you give him some plain toast and butter/margarine and a glass of milk - simply because otherwise he'll not sleep through, and your day will start even earlier tomorrow!!

HOwever - you have DEF got to learn to follow through on punishments if you make them. ANything else isn't actually fair on the child?

Good luck and don't beat yourself up. It's not child abuse and it's not the end of the world. Big cuddles and start again tomorrow...

sambageeni Sun 31-Jul-11 19:06:26

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I have a five year old and if she behaved like that I would have reacted the same as you. If he calms down and apologies then yes feed him. Don't beat yourself up, we all do things we then regret but frankly I think you reacted fairly. Kids need to learn acceptable ways to behave. Good luck!

TidyDancer Sun 31-Jul-11 19:06:45

Oh gosh, I understand why you had to punish him, but food should never be used as a punishment. It's one thing to say "you eat what you're given because there's nothing else", but you shouldn't really withdraw food altogether. We have a history of eating disorders in my family, so I am perhaps a little more conscious of food issues than most, but please, feed your DS. sad

catgirl1976 Sun 31-Jul-11 19:07:48

I don't think you are being U. You are not starving him - you say he thinks you won't follow through on what you say - make sure you do. He needs to know you mean what you say. If he had been hungry he would have eaten what he was given at dinner time. Maybe he was playing up because you had guests and were outside but its still not ok.

zukiecat Sun 31-Jul-11 19:08:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointydog Sun 31-Jul-11 19:10:20

He was behaving very badly, you were right to take him away from the table.

You have said 'no dinner', have you? That's ok. Does he usually have supper or a snack before bed? Go and say to him he wasn't able to have dinner because of his behaviour, he just has his usual supper (bit of toast or whatver).

You are right. You m ust follow through. He shouldn't be behaving like that.

Tortington Sun 31-Jul-11 19:12:55

oh fgs he wont starve and next time maybe he wont mush potatos with his hands and he will eat his food

this kid is school age - not a baby

Maryz Sun 31-Jul-11 19:13:12

Feed him, but not his dinner.

That way you have followed through on the "you are going to bed with no dinner" thread, but you won't be woken up in the middle of the night by a genuinely hungry child.

And you have learned a lesson from this - only threaten what you are prepared to follow through smile.

Tortington Sun 31-Jul-11 19:13:58

yes youve messed with your food

yes ive issued an ultimatum

oh umm...thats ok

have something to eat

bollocks to that

it doesn't take supernanny to work that shit out

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