to think hot lime pickle is not a good breakfast for baby DD(20 Posts)
Saturday morning - my once a week luxury lie-in... I come down at 9 to find baby DD (10 months) with a mysterious orangey stain covering the middle of her sleepsuit, and a pungent smell of pickle in the air. DH quickly admits that there has been an incident with the (very hot) lime pickle accidentally left on the coffee table after last night's take-away. Apparently she only ate a little bit (!) and seems fine. I swallow my true feelings, laugh and go to make up her bottle. Kitchen is a pit - cereal and banana all over the floor - no attempt has been made to clear up after DDs' breakfast. Dishwasher is still full with clean dishes (I turned it on last night). I empty dishwasher, clear up mess, give DD1 a bit of extra breakfast, make bottle for DD2, change her sleepsuit and go to put her down for a sleep.
When I come back down all ready for my pre-agreed couple of hours off to shop for family birthday presents DH goes off to get dressed. 30 minutes later he hasn't come back. I go and check on him - asleep face down on the bed. I wake him and remind him I'm going out. 20 minutes later I go back - he's still asleep. I wake him again, ask if he's ill, should I change my plans? No, just tired. he eventually emerges a further 10 minutes later, stoney-faced. I am pretty pissed off but want to smooth things over. When I go to kiss him and ask why he's so angry, he tells me he doesn't like being sworn at - apparently I said 'Jesus Christ' when I found him asleep the second time. I find myself apologising - why? Am I in the wrong? I go and buy my presents and come home in time for lunch. We carry on as normal, but things are frosty.
So AIBU to think he is BU, not me???
Background: I am struggling to get DH to take what I regard as a fair share of his responsibility for our 2 children. We have had many discussions about it and he often says 'I will try harder' but I rarely see any real difference in his behaviour after a day or two.
Nope, you are NBU. He sounds like an arse!
I would have pointed out to him that the kitchen was a mess rather than sorting it out myself. And I'd have just brought the kids up to him before going out rather than trying to wake him.
The lime pickle wouldn't bother me though, these things happen.
The lime pickle isn't the problem, your dh is (but I think you realise this)
tbh if one of us (dh or I) had a regular lie-in, we would plan ahead a bit. (to avoid the one having a lie-in from being disturbed or waking up to a real mess)
Is your dh usually like this or was it a one-off?
Lime pickle's the really hot one isn't it? I'm surprised it didn't result in tears.
Are you usually at home with the children during the week while he's at work?
I wasn't too concerned about the pickle - she seemed fine, and as Rita said, these things happen, but I would have expected him to change the sleepsuit.
I am currently on maternity leave (though going back to work PT in Sept). DH works 4 days a week. The lie-in is a weekly event and I almost always find a the kitchen in a tip when I come down. I rarely also arrange to have time to go and do something on my own at the weekend, but I had to sort out presents today. I am also trying to encourage DH to spend more time with the kids on his own as he will have them a day a week on his own from Sept and is not at all confident about it. It's tricky because I understand it can be daunting, but I also think he could try MUCH harder.
Obviously this incident on its own is no big deal. But for me I suppose it sums up a bigger problem.
Whatmeworry: DH was up at 6.45. Better than most days, which tend to start between 5 and 6.30
some times people do a bad job so they dont get asked to do it again - it a male thing my 5 yearold even does it - but call him on it and be clear what you expect when you have a lie in
my ex did the same thing it drove me mad and I believe it is was a way of not having to deal with the mundane side of parent hood- but nagging does not work try getting him to care for the children for sort periods and slowly build up and bit the lip when you want to shout at him for the mess he makes - and praise for positive its like training a child to take responcibility - shame me still have to do it with some men - stay firm dont give up your lie ins -he just has to grow up and maybe we mums have to stand back and let them
Whatneworry - yes he works on Fridays but offered to get up on Saturday - we usually agree on Friday evenings who will get which lie-ins over the weekend.
And, (and I know this will sound defensive!). D2 still wakes to feed a couple of times most nights and DD1 wakes fairly regularly too and I deal with all the night-wakings and all the eaely morning starts during the week, so I really think I have a 'right' to be more tired than he is!
Could you swap the lie ins over so he has a lie in on Sat and you have one on Sun? Then hit the roof if he still doesn't pull his weight after having caught up on sleep?
Or you have a lie in first, then he goes up for a sleep and leave the cleaning up to do when he wakes up and you go shopping for presents.
lime pickle is the breakfast of champions.
you're lucky to have such a man. Now stop complaining and go tidy up.
Looking after small kids is exhausting, and I do think the first shift should be cut some slack tbh - a bit of lime pickle, when the floor is tidied/dishwasher is emptied etc are not urgent issues. And I think you should have apologised re Jesus Christ, he was clearly tired.
I have friends whose DS liked mustard on his meat from age three or four - stop worrying about that aspect of it.
he wasn't that asleep if he heard you saying Jesus Christ!
he wasn't that asleep if he heard you saying Jesus Christ!
I can still remember that exhaustion where you are sort of awake and just can't for the life of you get up, and my kids are in their teens now!
I guess what I am trying to say is there is no right or wrong with small kids, everyone is always tired and you are better off with sympathy and co-operation than point scoring.
Gwendolen - I agree we wouldn't usually organise our 'shifts' like this - what annoyed me was that he had specifically suggested doing it this way yesterday.
Whatmeworry - I did apologise, and I suppose I agree that all the tidying up stuff wasn't that desperate really, it was going back to sleep TWICE that wound me up, and then getting all morally superior about it .
As I said earlier, I think if this had been a one-off incident I wouldn't have been that bothered, but the fact is that I don't feel he pulls his weight with the kids or the household stuff generally (when he is around - I obviously don't expect him to on days he is at work). And this was a very rare opportunity to have a few hours to myself.
Anyway, he's now enjoying his lie-in and doubtless will do so for several hours to come.
YANBU I think you have every right to be annoyed
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