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to wait until I move before TTC DC3

(14 Posts)
peeoffkitty Sat 30-Jul-11 20:53:14

currently living in Glasgow, looking to move to London. I have 2DDs already, one is almost 4, the next almost 2 and we definitely want to try for our third in the next 3 months or so. But, dh has yet to find a job and has been looking for around 5 months. Its just not happening at the moment. He's been getting interviews but not quite nailing it. He's getting so close and I'm confident he'll get one say in the next 3 to 6 months.

The original plan was to settle in our new home for 3 months then TTC. But now, actually the thought of moving to a new location and starting fresh with 2 DCs already in tow has started to make me feel a bit scared. I've been back here for almost 3 years after around 10 years away and am slowly reconnecting with old friends, making some new mum friends and have both mine and dh's family here. The idea of being here long term though does not appeal for a whole load of reasons. I moved back here when my DD was 3 months so I didn't have friends from ante natal groups. I did have my second DD here and found that it was so much easier having a group of girls to hang out with. its so much harder to break into groups otherwise.

So now I'm unsure about whether we should have our third child in our new location or have it here and look to move in 2 years from now. Having the support we have here will make it all a breeze. But by then, we'll be even more settled (as will our two DDs) and it will be even harder. I'm totally confused! Any words of wisdom?

cantspel Sat 30-Jul-11 21:00:06

Wait until your oh has a job and then make a decision

HairBearz Sat 30-Jul-11 22:11:57

I had a mmc which I put down to a move, albeit an international one. I would wait.

peeoffkitty Sat 30-Jul-11 22:59:07

sorry to hear that HairBearz Moving is a stress out. I'm epileptic and had a seizure in my fourth month of pregnancy shortly after I had moved from our rented place to our home. I definitely don't want to move while I'm pregnant. I guess I just need to work out if I want to have my third child with no real local support or have it here with the support and then move down. keep going round in circles....aargh. thanks for your posts.

NeedaCostume Sat 30-Jul-11 23:13:04

Based on your comments, I would, if possible wait until your DH gets a new job before you move.

Wait until you've moved to TTC (3 of my friends have moved whilst pg this year and all three have said they wouldn't do it again!)

But, having taken the above into account, move asap, before your eldest starts school. That way you might meet new mum friends on the school run, at toddler groups with DC2, and you could ask to do an ante-natal refresher if and when you get pg with DC3.

Also, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be to move your children, as they make friends of their own in your current location.

FabbyChic Sat 30-Jul-11 23:16:47

Why try to conceive when your partner is not working? Surely financially it would be better to wait until he has a job?

peeoffkitty Sat 30-Jul-11 23:33:25

my dh has a job at the moment here, but he doesn't have one in London. Sorry if that's not clear from my post. I think its more my fears (that have come from nowhere) about moving away and bringing another DC into the world by ourselves. I can't believe I'm actually typing this since I've been itching to move away. Curses!

Northernlurker Sat 30-Jul-11 23:37:42

Why are you moving?

peeoffkitty Sun 31-Jul-11 08:18:45

northernlurker moving for a few reasons. the weather here just gets me down and we're all not getting outside enough. I want the dcs to live outdoors more than is possible here. though its been lovely this week! i've lived in london before and me and my dh want to be down there just to be near all the things we love doing. the kids won't be young forever and when we have more time to ourselves we'll be where we want to be. in terms of opportunities for our dc's, I think there will be more on offer for them than in scotland. there's not much in the way of jobs up here for my husband. we also want to start a business and think we can a make a better go of it there. we used to live in zone 2 but we're looking to move out to the surrey border so not the busy london we're used to but feels better for the dcs.

It seems i've really settled here for the first time in a long time. i've lived overseas for 5years and then london for 5 years and not settled like I have here. I think its a lot to do with the dcs. I bump into so many people i know here, been to a couple of weddings. it just feels nice. I'm worried I won't be able to make the same happen down there. i've been reading the loneliness threads and think its scaring me! lots of people disconnected after moving.

I think the ease of being able to have our third here is what's appealing but I think being pregnant is a great way to set up a network of friends. is this a silly way to look at it?

needatypo just realised I put a typo. my eldest dd is 3 not 4 but to get her registered for reception we need to be there by mid january. it just feels like so much pressure to get everything sorted now.

peeoffkitty Sun 31-Jul-11 08:27:38

sorry, forgot to say, i'm a bit worried about my epilepsy as well since i'll be more tired this thime round but hate that to stop me doing anything. I haven't haf a seizure for two years now but my hormones in pregnancy makes it a bit riskier. but if we do wait, we might have missed out on a school for our eldest and I won't have a baby network if we were to move down with a new baby. sorry, rambling!

NeedaCostume Sun 31-Jul-11 08:50:32

Just another thought- could you move into rented down south? Might ease the pressure of the move.

peeoffkitty Sun 31-Jul-11 09:52:01

ha sorry needacostume, had typos on my brain obviously! Yes we would move into rented accommodation especially so we can get closest to the nearest school for getting DD in. We would rent out our home as well until we're happy the market is right for selling.

peeoffkitty Sun 31-Jul-11 09:53:52

if you don't get a child into reception year, I presume its really difficult to get into year 1? My DD wouldn't start school until she is five up here but would be in reception when she's four down south. The schools in the are we plan to move to are generally oversubscribed.

Northernlurker Sun 31-Jul-11 10:42:36

Ok well I would go all out to get dh a job asap then go for it and then ttc as soon as you get down there. You will meet people and a baby - and starting school are both opportunities for that. I think you've got your heart set on moving and you aren't going to be particularly settled now in Glasgow, baby or not.

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