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AIBU Raging Fear coursing through my veins

(12 Posts)
rainbowrosie Sat 30-Jul-11 19:30:58

IF this is a very dull /Old chat - please feel free to link me to an Old thread if it exists - i am genuinely interested in coping strategies

I have a gorgeous baby and toddler and i have to say i blythly had kids not thinking i would then be borderline bankrupt and a nervous wreck about how to financially cope
Must be noted i am sleep deprived, about to move house, just started weaning baby, about to potty train toddler, and starting back at a very busy work place all within the next 4-6wks - so i am feeling the fear of this all big time

if i could afford to stay at home at this stage i would - although i pure love my very satisfying job and i would ideally like to work "term times" -but i would be laughed out of the industry of television as even my shortend hours means i know full well i will not be progressing any further in my career which i accept as i have had a great great career prior to kids

My partners wage will not cover all our bills - so i have to work at this stage which is both kids in nursery stage - i know we will get 12hrs when toddler hits 3...BUT...i am now thinking about term times and the horrendous thought of having to pay childminders daily fees to pick up and drop off

we are on interest only mortgage as nursery fees are £1200 per month
Yes i still need to work at this stage - i am hoping my partners wages will increase and perhaps i can go part-time in couple of years but my field is tv media which is not family friendly hours

i was hoping that we pay off capital once toddler hits primary school - but then the reality might be we have to pay childminder to drop off and collect from school

what is doing my head in is school pick ups for primary schools and secondary schools when we both work

No family near us

do schools have breakfast/late pick up clubs - does it vary school to school

HOW ARE YOU COPING WITH school times/holiday times
HOW is anyone coping with £1200 nursery fees, + capital repayments mortgages + bills

OMG i need to pop valium and drink gin - and does anyone else feel like they are being forced back into the home

I guess i need to take one small step at a time - and maybe seriously hope my partners wages get to a stage where i can lessen my hours and maybe career change to support kids

Oh i want a life strategy!!!

alowVera Sat 30-Jul-11 19:40:50

Nursery fees- child and working tax credits have a childcare element, dependant on how much you and DP get paid.

Some schools have before and after school care, but not all, a childminder or local nursery may also do before and after school clubs. Again some, not all.

You will get 15 hours surestart nursery funding (also called government funding) from the term after child reaches 3. So for a September birthday the 3GS old world not get this funding until the following January.

A Pre-school will take from 2yrs3mths, or 2yrs 6mths, they are cheeper than a private nursery, but may just do school term times, others with do before and after school clubs.

May be worth your looking at what you have available locally.

squeakytoy Sat 30-Jul-11 19:45:12

I would employ a live-in nanny rather than pay those sort of nursery bills.. it has to be cheaper.

BlimminEck Sat 30-Jul-11 19:51:54

why are thinking about secondary school problems already?

you could have won the lottery or fallen under a bus by then

you may as well be worrying yourself bandy about university fees

TimeForLunch Sat 30-Jul-11 19:58:32

It's hard, isn't it. I thought it would get harder once DD started school, which she will in September, but actually it's fine. DS goes to nursery which also do pick ups from the school for after school club so they will both be in the same place when I get back from work to pick them up. The school also has a breakfast club. Lots of schools do this. The nursery fees are extortionate but (as alowVera says) at least you get a government contribution (£200 a month in our area, or 15 hours free depending on the nursery) for 3 and 4 year olds which helps. Your nursery fees are the same as ours, but we only get 3 days a week for that. The fees usually go down once they turn 3. Try not to worry about the future, everything will fall into place.

rainbowrosie Sat 30-Jul-11 20:09:14

Blimmin eck - i know i am living in the future - well near future as the school run dilema starts with primary school

We have household income of 52K so no tax credits awarded to us
and my partners wage is training paramedic - so long term he should be the earner and i hopethat that will free me up to do a more flexible job - but short term i am the main breadwinner so i have to work as his wages are low

The nursery years are a financial nightmare but at least no school holidays to think about - the preschool element i believe is not an option for us in our area

I know there is no solution or answer that i we will discover along the way - but i really wonder why in 2011 its so difficult to work and deal with school holidays - it just feels horrendous

Actually if this was a just world then caring professions like paramedics, nurses etc etc would be top dollar earners so obviously i am just being a a naieve ninny who cannae spell!

My neighbour has an excel spreadsheet that accounts for who will be looking after her daughter to do school runs as her job is not flexible to start 1hr later. ..

Ok i have bored myself whining- I am going to onto the Fawcett Society website and fill in the goverment questionaire about eh flexible parenting and hope it makes a difference

GotArt Sat 30-Jul-11 20:12:13

Gin sounds like a nice life strategy start. i'll join you. grin

DH's job pays bills but there is nothing much at the end. I desperately need some new cloths tbh... still wearing the same nursing shirts from 2 years ago. We also need to save for a mortgage. At least I go back to work in a professional capacity in September 2 days a week and get a paycheque.

TimeForLunch Sat 30-Jul-11 20:12:29

Forgot to say, after school club at our nursery then becomes school holiday club at the appropriate times! I think a lot of nurseries do this.

Anyway, good luck, I hope you find something that works.

GotArt Sat 30-Jul-11 20:16:16

ps... live-in nanny a fantastic suggestion and much easier than nursery or day care. This is my friends site in Canada, but there is a good write up blurb about benefits of having a nanny on this page

Blu Sat 30-Jul-11 20:25:01

Nursery fees get cheaper once they are 3 (because of the child: adult ratio) as well as being subsidised by the free hours, so you should notice a substantial change then - it will never be as expensive as it is now.

And hopefully your household ioncome will increase.

It's hard with school age kids in the hols, we make sure that we save all our hol for the school hols, and take it in relays so that between us we can cover as much as possible.

Have a good look at which schools in your area offer breakfast club / after school clubs - and maybe between you you cna stagger your hours so one works early but can come home early, while the other starts and finishes late, looking after the morning drop-off.

if you have no family in the area, do all you can to make friends with whom you can make reciprocal childcare arrangements - as a f/t wohm I make sure that I never take advantage of sahms and always make sure I repay any days they have DS with babysitting, w/e care or having thier children on days when i am on holiday with DS.

It can be a lot of juggling, but it is do-able - just!

Journey Sat 30-Jul-11 20:31:01

I think you need to get things into perspective. Your immediate concern should be moving house.

Nursery fees you just have to pay out of your wages (and perhaps working tax credits). If you can't afford them then you need to consider other options such as being a SAHM, flexible working or a career in another job/industry.

Weaning is fairly easy. No big deal.

Potty training can be done in less than a week if you get the timing right and your child is ready for it. It doesn't have to be stressful.

Why on earth you're worrying about school issues at the moment when you only have a baby and toddler is beyond me.

I think you need to calm down and be a bit more realistic about things. At the moment it all just seems to be a bit of a drama.

StopRainingPlease Sat 30-Jul-11 20:52:12

I'm sure no-one uses childminders to pick up from secondary schools, the kids come and go by themselves. Not that this will help you for several more years!

Do either of you get childcare vouchers to help with nursery?

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