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to expect my sister and niece to share things they brought on holiday

(33 Posts)
pingu2209 Fri 29-Jul-11 21:59:31

The whole family have gone on holiday abroad but by car. There are 13 of us: mother, father, sister, brother in law, niece, brother, sister in law, nephew, husband and my 3 children.

It is a self catering holiday. We all brought stuff for the kitchen/loos - for example, I brought washing up liquid, bin bags, t-towels, 18 bottles of beer, various alcoloholic spirits, 72 jaffa cakes(!), 3 packets of Cadburys fingers, 3 large bags of Kettle chips, 6 bottles of squash, 2 loaves of bread etc.

My sister brought a large selection pack of Haribo sweets (a big bags with loads of little bags in it), 4 Cadburys family sized swiss rolls and a large bag of pasta.

My niece is very very picky on 'main' meal food and savoury food. However, she eats loads of 'junk' food such as cakes and crisps and sweets. As such she would help herself to the 'junk' food without offering anyone else anything but would eat readily of the other food I brought.

In fact my sister wouldn't share any of the food she bought on the holiday - even bread, but would accept all food offered her from others.

On the 7 days on the beach my sister and brother in law spent exactly £0, but my brother, father and I bought cofee, tea, hot chocolate and ice creams everyday - which they accepted.

Would I be unreasonable to say to her directly I am unhappy with her attitude and behaviour?

My father wants to go away next year but my husband has said no as the final straw for him was at the last meal on the last night, my brother in law ate one of the cakes my husband had bought and offered round the table and brought squirty cream (from his room!) but did not offer it to anyone else at the table.

doozle Fri 29-Jul-11 22:03:25

Is this the same sister that wanted you to eat roast dinners and pasta every night because that's all your niece will eat?

If so, you know the answer. You really should not go away with them again.

Sirzy Fri 29-Jul-11 22:06:52

Did you all agree beforehand everything would be shared or did she assume it was a case of take what you want?

If you all objected to having to pay did nobody mention it?

I agree with pp about not going away with them again or stay in separate accommodation

pingu2209 Fri 29-Jul-11 22:07:32

Yes Doozle it is. I'm back from the said holiday. My niece is just lovely in every way ... except over food!

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 29-Jul-11 22:07:36

Are they having money difficulties or have they always been like this?

I agree with you DH, don't go away with them again. Your holiday is too precious to waste feeling you are being used.

doozle Fri 29-Jul-11 22:09:18

I thought so, OP. How did it go with the meals then?

muminthemiddle Fri 29-Jul-11 22:14:47

if it has spoilt your holiday then don't go away with them again, or stay in a seperate apartment. as for the teas/coffee I wouldn't have kept offering to buy them one instead I would have told my dh what I was doing and just bought for dh and dcs.

pingu2209 Fri 29-Jul-11 22:16:21

They don't have money worries - I'm not saying they are flush at all, but they have no more or less than my family. They are just like it all the time. As my husband points out, for every 1 time we go to their place for lunch/dinner, they have come to our house at least 12 times - and that is not an exageration.

Doozle, as for meals they were not as much of a nightmare as they could have been. My sister either cooked so we all ate what my niece would eat or if someone else cooked my niece would eat a load of junk.

The final straw for my step mother was when I brought out a large selection bag of nostalgia sweets (dip dabs, drumsticks, love hearts etc) and my niece grabbed a large handful (as did everyone else). But then went to the kitchen and brought out 3 small bags of Haribo but did not offer then to anyone else. I said something at that point along the lines of "if you don't share your sweets with me I won't let you have any of my jaffa cakes..." My brother in law said I was being unreasonable. The room went deathly silent!!!

However, my niece is just lovely. I love her to bits. I wonder if I am being reasonable to make such an issue over food. None of us are perfect and I am under no illusion that my children must have annoid my brother and sister at regular intervals, not least because I have 3 children and they only have 1 each. And my 3 are a lot younger than their children.

PumpkinBones Fri 29-Jul-11 22:17:00

Why did you all keep offering to buy them coffees, etc, if you were pissed off with them accepting?!

smoggii Fri 29-Jul-11 22:17:44

I think a 'I think it's your round for coffee's and ice creams next sis' would go down a treat and if she doesn't get them in wait a bit and ask again if still not then a point blank 'are you going to sponge all the time' is in order.

It's just bad form not to pitch in or offer to buy occasionaly

pingu2209 Fri 29-Jul-11 22:18:04

* It was the final straw for my step mother because she was furious that her step grand daughter would not share anything.

My brothe in law bought a large bagette and refused to let my dad have any of it because it was 'his'. My dad paid for the holiday!!!

PumpkinBones Fri 29-Jul-11 22:18:05

I think you have a real thing about their eating habits, not just insofar as they affect you on holiday!

Sirzy Fri 29-Jul-11 22:19:49

If you knew they were like that you were mad to agree to all go away in the first place as something like that will always cause issues!

pingu2209 Fri 29-Jul-11 22:20:07

I offered to buy coffee/tea because I was buying my dad, step mother, brother, sister in law etc one. I can't do a round and not offer my sister.

Also, I don't begrudge buying my niece an ice cream when I am buying one for my children and my nephew.

Sirzy Fri 29-Jul-11 22:21:52

But if you didn't say anything then your condoning what they were doing. They know someone will buy for them and hey presto they do.

SharperSeven Fri 29-Jul-11 22:22:19

Let it go; they are probably not worrying about it! Don't go with them again, life is too short.

FakePlasticTrees Fri 29-Jul-11 22:24:28

I think I agree with your DH, you've given it a go, but they aren't really the best people to share a holiday with.

squeakytoy Fri 29-Jul-11 22:28:56

I dont believe in sitting silently seething. When someone is taking the piss and avoiding paying their share, you open your gob, and you point it out that it is their turn.. as simple as that.

thistowillpass Fri 29-Jul-11 22:29:12

best not to go on hols with someone like that as it will take to focus off the fun - or agree a drinks etc kitty and only does who put in can get drinks etc from it and make a point of talking loudly to your own kids about the imprtance of sharing and praise them but some people just have a thick neck and are tight -just think where I am from ireland its the worst thing to be seen as maybe thats why this country is in such a mess

MrsFlittersnoop Fri 29-Jul-11 22:29:56

Why are you so bothered about what other people eat? It does seem rather odd you know, the very precise list you give in your OP, with exactly what everyone brought along on the holiday. Why are you keeping tabs on what everyone else has been consuming?

I do understand it must be annoying of you feel you are contributing more than other family members. But you sound terribly judgemental about your niece's eating habits. It really isn't your business whether she survives on junk food or not. Those retro sweets you referred to, my entire generation grew up eating that sort of crap all the time . We're still here to tell the tale! grin

SharperSeven Fri 29-Jul-11 22:38:05

thisto- sorry but your post is confusing. Do you mean England is in a mess because it's ok to be tight, or Ireland is in a mess because it's not confused

HansieMom Fri 29-Jul-11 22:41:24

That BIL is just a gem, isn't he? Maybe go on one more vacation just so you all can be assertive? And please tell us about it!

Morloth Fri 29-Jul-11 22:46:22

Shrug, sounds like they behaved in exactly the way expected.

Don't keep thinking they should act a certain way, they ain't gonna.

Just stop going on holiday.

Worrying at these detailed makes you wound crazy and petty and as annoying as your sister.

honeyandsalt Fri 29-Jul-11 22:52:41

I agree with squeakytoy and whoever else said you should just open your gob and speak up! It doesn't have to be confrontational, just be jokey and cheerful but blunt i.e. "So, Sue, it's your round! Woohoo!" "Ok Darcy [I don't know why I have mentally named them Darcy and Sue, run with me here...] hows about one of those Haribo then?" And be firm, you should have challenged your BIL. (that said, he sounds like a fucking nightmare and perhaps best avoided altogether...). Maybe just tell your Dad you'd like a holiday with just them next year 'cos you'd like more daddy-daughter time?

Something my flatmates and I used to do was share receipts for communal food and supplies then split the bill, just fyi.

muminthemiddle Fri 29-Jul-11 23:07:09

I don't think you are wrong to pull your neice up over her manners either.
It appears that neither her mum or dad are doing a good job of showing her how to behave amongst others.
Btw does your bil have any redeeming features? if not then I'm afraid I wouldn't be inviting him around quite so often, sounds like a nightmare.

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