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to think that this is abuse

(103 Posts)
aeder Fri 29-Jul-11 21:58:18

I've spent a lot of time at my mum and her boyfriends house this week and I've heard him call my brother a little scrote,douchebag,idiot,prick,pillock. He also threated to smash his wii and cut his signed football in half. He has also banned him from seeing his school friends for a month and actually banned him from speaking at the dinner table last night.
I spoke to my mum about it today when he wasn't around and said she said he was just a disciplinarian and I was overreacting and that it would do him good in the long run.

BoysAreLikeDogs Fri 29-Jul-11 21:59:26

how old is DB?

aeder Fri 29-Jul-11 22:00:07


tethersend Fri 29-Jul-11 22:00:22

No, it's abuse.

tethersend Fri 29-Jul-11 22:00:41

I mean yes, it's abuse.

pictish Fri 29-Jul-11 22:00:52

Sounds a pillock himself. How old is your brother?

hester Fri 29-Jul-11 22:01:05

That sounds terrible.
How old is your db? How long have your mum and her partner been together? Where is your db's dad? Have you talked to your db about this?

pictish Fri 29-Jul-11 22:01:50

Ah. 14.

Well he threatens, name calls, bullies and breaks his possessions.

I'd say that was pretty inconclusive.

pictish Fri 29-Jul-11 22:02:21

conclusive I meant to say....

aeder Fri 29-Jul-11 22:02:36

Our dad lives in Portugal, my mum and him have been together for around a year and they moved in together 3 months ago.

AgentZigzag Fri 29-Jul-11 22:02:37

Why do you think your mum isn't livid her DP has taken such a strong line with your brother?

Regardless of how long they've been together or the age of your brother, I couldn't stand by and justify my DC being treated like that by anyone.

What's behind it do you think?

cjbartlett Fri 29-Jul-11 22:03:23

could you have a word with him? The boyfriend I mean
Take your brother out alone and see how he is
speak to your mum again
Even have him live with you?
Threatening to smash things up and swearing at him is really bad sad

MirandaGoshawk Fri 29-Jul-11 22:03:58

YANBU. I have seen similar with a friend and her new DP. He treats her son like a slave. Things came to a head with the aid of her parents, the boy's DGPs, but I wish I'd said something - interfered, if you like. The boy is very unhappy, his whole personality has changed.

As for your situation, at least you can be there for your little brother. Your mum also needs to face the fact that her bf's behaviour is not normal, or acceptable.

aeder Fri 29-Jul-11 22:04:50

agentzig- I don't know my brother is a very shy and underconfident person and so he may have picked up on this and exploited it. My mum was insistent he was helping my brother by taking this line.

SarahStratton Fri 29-Jul-11 22:07:03

He's not, he's destroying him.

carriedababi Fri 29-Jul-11 22:07:09

oh my cousin let a man into her life like this, treated her children like crap, then left her after a few years.

her kids hate her nowsad

AgentZigzag Fri 29-Jul-11 22:07:33

If he's behaving like this after just three month it doesn't bode well for your brother.

What was he like with your brother before he moved in?

Could your mum have asked him to 'take him in hand'?

pigletmania Fri 29-Jul-11 22:08:44

How sad this is not discipline calling a child names, and threatening to break his posessions. Can you talk to your dad about it! I would interfere, I doubt that you could talk to your mums partner, he doesent sound like a reasonable person. Keep talking to your mum, could you have your DB come to stay with you for a while?

pictish Fri 29-Jul-11 22:08:59

He's not helping, he's compounding.

hester Fri 29-Jul-11 22:09:03

What do you think you can do to help, OP?

MirandaGoshawk Fri 29-Jul-11 22:09:58

AgentZigZag - what came out of the situation I described is that often men who behave in this way (let's call it bullying) were treated this way by their own parents, who called it being strong and disciplined. The child doesn't want to believe that their parents don't love them and therefore convince themselves that this behaviour is 'normal' and inflict it on the next generation.

The new bf doesn't love this boy. Probably resents his presence. Mum needs to get her DP to see sense. In this situation, if she was thinking clearly, she'd put her child first and run a mile. But she has a new relationship to make work, doesn't she?

cjbartlett Fri 29-Jul-11 22:10:28

If he's shy with little confidence how is calling him a prick etc going to bolster him up?

Sounds like your mum is making excuses

I'd get tough with her

Tell her she's out of order letting him treat her son thatway
Are you close to your mum?

Have you brother over as much as possible so you can keep an eye on him

carriedababi Fri 29-Jul-11 22:12:06

i'm not joking, tell your mum to get rid of the abuser or you will call ss, and if she doesn't get rid then call them.

don't let him abuse your brother


pigletmania Fri 29-Jul-11 22:12:55

Is it possible that your DB could stay with your dad in the holidays too.

Zondra Fri 29-Jul-11 22:13:14

This is horrific & most certainly abuse. Your poor brother,my heart goes out to him. sad
Time to start interfering & putting your brother first over your mum. A few home truths must be told. I am very angry on your behalf that your mother is allowing this man to do this to her child.

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