to think the newborn phase might actually be quite fun?! MARK TWO(52 Posts)
A few weeks ago I posted a thread on here asking for positive newborn phase stories, since so many people in RL kept telling me how bloody awful my life was going to be when my LO was born - not just that there'd be sleepless nights and endless feeding and all the rest of it, but that this would inevitably be a singularly miserable experience that would have me frazzled and a nervous wreck for weeks, if not months. I tried to make it clear in my original post that I wasn't expecting it all to be a barrel of laughs but just wanted some hope that it couldn't be that bad, could it?!
The response I got was mixed (as expected, of course) - lots of people did share glimmers of hope and positive stories, but some people also continued to be quite negative, telling me to 'manage my expectations' and implying that I was naive at best (and offensive at worst). A couple of people suggested that hatred of your DP comes as standard. And some asked me to come back once I actually had a newborn, so (almost) four weeks into motherhood, here I am.
I want to prefix what I'm about to say with the caveats that: 1) I very much agree (and always agreed) with the posters who said every baby is different. Just because I happen to have had a good experience this time I know it doesn't mean I will next time or that everybody else does or should; 2) I know that the fact that I have had a good time as a new mother is more down to luck than judgment - I am not here to gloat! (In any case, I'm only four weeks in to a lifetime of parenting and it would be pretty foolhardy to count my chickens now!); 3) (and this one is important) my baby is healthy and generally of a good temperament. She sleeps and eats. I know that lots and lots of babies are not healthy, or have health issues which worry their parents immensely, or do not sleep or feed well, and that this can be traumatic. So again, I realise how lucky I am. I don't think that the newborn phase IS fun or that it SHOULD be fun. All I want to say to anyone about to become a new parent is that it CAN be fun, some of the time, and that nobody should have to feel guilty for saying so!
SO - firstly, I don't hate my DH. He was incredible at the birth and has been incredible ever since - supportive and encouraging of me, loving towards our DD, and lovely to be around and to learn to be a parent with. In this, again, I know I am very lucky. But whatever people say, it is NOT inevitable that you will hate your partner. In my case, pregnancy and birth/new motherhood have exacerbated everything I already felt for him - he has made me feel safe and happy and I feel closer to him than before. Perhaps if I had had doubts about him those too would have been exacerbated.
And (here goes) I have found being a new mum fun, and from what I know of other new mums, this is often (though of course not always) the case. Every day is filled with firsts -first bath, first trip to the doctors or the cafe, first time BFing goes without a hitch, first go in the buggy, first visits from family and friends. When things go right (and of course they don't always go right) it is lovely - when your DD weighs a pound more than her birth weight two weeks after she's born and you realise that the sleepless nights of feeding have paid off, or when you get her down to sleep and manage to have a shower or watch your favourite programme on TV or to slurp a glass of wine. I find it quite funny now that people told me to 'manage my expectations', as if hoping I would enjoy some aspects of motherhood was naive: in fact, I had no expectations - just hope that we would all get through the first few weeks alive! I fully expected sleepless nights and crying (from her and me) and cracked nipples, etc, and have managed not to put any pressure on myself or DH to get things 'right' - just to manage to do things at all is enough! And I think that has helped me to do nothing but enjoy getting to know my beautiful new daughter and discovering that I am actually capable of being a mother.
So, once again, I really don't want to suggest that I have done anything special to enjoy this period of my daughter's life, or that anybody else is doing anything wrong if they don't - there are a million variables and every baby and every situation is different (as lots of people said on the other thread), and if my DD was poorly or inconsolable a lot of the time I know that my experience would have been very different. But I think it is unfair that people are so quick to suggest that, just because they had a bad time, everybody else inevitably will too. It's like anything - ups and downs, and worse for some people than others with no rhyme or reason. But if you're pregnant and reading this, I just want to say it really is possible, if not inevitable, that you will have the time of your life with your newborn baby and being part of a new family
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Congratulations on your little one, I had a fab time when my DS was born and am due next one in a week so am really excited about having all those special moments again.
I have never heard that you are meant to hate your DH, wasn't my experience at all!
Lovely post. My experience was similarly positive but, like you I think, I am a positive person who generally focusses on the things that are going well rather than the things that are not (eg colic, reflux... all things my DD had but which for some reason didn't marr my experience of her first few weeks).
I didn't find the experience a barrel of laughs (recovering from em cs didn't help the first couple of weeks) but I certainly didn't find myself hating my DP. In fact it made me appreciate him all the more. I found the lack of structure in my day difficult to adjust to after working full-time for so long, and not knowing if I was doing anything right or wrong was harder than dealing with DD herself.
And it couldn't have been that bad as most people I know who have kids have more than one, and I would love to have a second.
I had great fun with my first two, 14 months apart both emcs (one GA EMCS), but the next wto were a lot harder.
Congratulations! And well done for enjoying it. I found motherhood hard first time round, despite having a 'good' baby. I just found it psychologically hard I guess. 2nd time round I had a refluxy colicky nightmare of a baby who NO-ONE could have enjoyed! 3rd time was a charm though and I absolutely loved the newborn stage with her so it's definitely possible.
Oh, I agree! Although I was sore and flabby and looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge (forwards AND backwards), I found the newborn days sooooo much easier than the last hideous few weeks of pregnancy! I don't understand why other parents feel the need to say 'it only gets worse from here' the minute LO pops out - if you're lucky enough to be having a nice time why burst the bubble, and if things are hard going you don't need any more negativity! And I'm with you Minshu - would love a second!
I was glued to your first post as I'm pregnant. Thanks so much for an update, glad it has been going so well for you. I'm staying positive.
The newborn stage is a doddle. It's when they start to talk that it's a nightmare
Congratulations on such a lovely experience!
Unfortunately I had quite a horrible time. I was lonely and scared and tired and anxious and oh was just wasn't good, so had you asked me I'm afraid you would've got the horror story too!
I adore my DS and now he's 3.7 I love every (well, most) minute of parenting, but I won't be having another. My mantra to get me through the worst was "You'll only have to do this once".
Don't want to bring the thread down though, it's so nice to read about others positive experiences.
what a lovely post, I dont think I posted on your origninal post but I have always found the newborn period to be good. A time when you can focus totally on your little family without too much outside influence. I think Dh and i had silly little bickery arguements but overall we were very happy each time. Due dc5 next year - wouldnt have done it 5 times if it was that horrific!
YANBU at all. I love the newborn stage, wish they could stay like that for ever
Congratulations on your LO and I'm glad you are having such a lovely positive time. I didn't see your earlier post so can't really comment but I do have to say I had absolutely no idea about the baby-shaped shitstorm that was about to blow through my life and would have welcomed both your positive post and some of the 'manage your expectations' postings as well!
I really loved the newborn stage too - some of it was hard but it really was so special having this gorgeous little baby. I even enjoyed the night feeds
I adore newborns and the newborn phase particularly with ds2 who was a dream baby was one of the loveliest times of my life so far
I love the newborn stage too.
I had a wobbly start with eldest as we really struggled to breastfeed.
No bfing issues with 2nd born and I just absolutely adored having a sweet little baby and, more importantly, not being pregnant any more! He slept, fed or cuddled, and that was about it. Blissfully easy baby and I appreciated it every day.
And yes, having babies made me realise more than ever what a thoroughly awesome man I am married to.
Number 3 due next year and I am looking forward to it
Yanbu. My twins are a week old and are just adorable, despite the traumatic birth - GA EMCS
DS1 was an angel baby too. DS2 was vile, didn't enjoy him so much
Hoping the twins will continue taking after their eldest brother
I can't remember much about the newborn phase, so it must have been excellent
Genuinely, I remember the not sleeping (we got that licked with co-sleeping) and getting used to the wees and poos and sicks everywhere, but I really enjoyed being a mum of newborn twins.
Felt like Supermum in Tesco when people would stop me in awe and ask how I did it
I had a hard time during the first 8 weeks of my daughter's life but not in a depressive way at all and even though I have one bad memory of that time I have hundreds of fun and endeering memories of the 3 of us.
<coming up for forty>
Dd2 is 13 days old and we are also having a good newborn phase (up to now!fingers crossed it continues)dd1 was also a very good baby so I found a lot of people wished a 'devil child' (their exact words!) on me and dp.
All babies are different and these first few weeks are down to luck, it's the next few months where the groundwork for a good toddler starts, we are a go with the flow house with a flexible routine. Dd1 was always allowed to eat/sleep when she needed/wanted and so fell into her own natural routine (which helps now dd2 has arrived!) Hoping the same tactic works with dd2. It's hard work with two under age two but I wouldn't have it any other way, just have to be organised.
So newborn phase can also be fun with baby number two....which was what I wanted to say but have rambled on a lot sorry (will blame baby brain while I still can )
I read your original post but not too many of the replies as, like you, I was (naively?) hoping it would be kind of fun and didn't want to read about the bad stuff.
I now have a 4wo too, and I am actually enjoying life at the moment. I could have written your OP on this thread Ok, it has hard bits - hours of screaming, too many night feeds, growth spurts, sleep depravation, all the usual things! But I try and forget about those bits and focus on the good stuff, which more than outweighs the bad.
Fingers crossed that the good times continue!!
Ha ha for me this is like someone announcing they enjoyed having their leg cut off and they can't wait to saw off the other! Good to hear that not all babies are such trouble though. There is hope!
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