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AIBU to have told this man to get out of my life.

(60 Posts)
toomuchdust Fri 29-Jul-11 07:51:57

The backstory: Friends with benefits type situation. The last time i saw him was after a whole lot of hastle. He was annoyed that i didnt turn up once, when we had never arranged it ( i know, i checked, i have no communication that says that) and so, we re arranged for the next day at 8pm. When i sat waiting and he didnt show. Eventually at 9:30pm he logs online, i see, ask him where he is, and after a bit of ' i cant be bothered' he comes round for all of 40 mins.

I decide there and then that im done with it because im worth way more than that, even in a friends with benefits type situation.

Two days ago he starts texting me, all flirty flirty and i decided, what the heck, why not. So, we arrange for me to go to his, last night, at 8pm.

I sent him a text yesterday lunchtime, to which i got no response, but i thought ' dont get het up, he might be in meetings or just busy and will reply later'. So i have a shower, do my hair really nice, get ready, you know, make a little bit more of an effort. Gets to 10 mins before i was going to leave the house and the lunchtime text had still not been replied to... and i know hes at home, because i can see him logged into various websites.

So i text him, that if i turn up on his doorstep, is he going to answer it, or pretend not to be in? He comes back with ' im not in babe.'

I think fuck it. Tell him i am not a text wank service and not to contact me ever again. He comes back saying im being silly and having a ridiclous over wroght reaction. I unfriended him on facebook and within seconds he text me again saying he cant believe ive done that and how ' uncool' and over the top i am and he hadnt realised the plan for me to go over was binding.

I think hes a cock. I mean, how can an arranagement not be binding, if you say you are going to meet somewhere at a certain time... and then what? just dont go, or one of you doesnt go??? I dont understand.

AIBU? I dont think so. but maybe i am?

MorelliOrRanger Fri 29-Jul-11 07:54:40

Come on you must know YANBU.

lifechanger Fri 29-Jul-11 07:56:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenBananaTantrum Fri 29-Jul-11 07:56:38

YADNBU. He sounds like an absolute cock. You are worth more. He isn't a friend and I can't see the benefits. Dump him out of your life.

joric Fri 29-Jul-11 07:58:05

Ignore him completely from now on. He sounds vile.

Wecanfixit Fri 29-Jul-11 07:58:25

Well sounds to me like he wants a NO STRINGS FLING!,sorry but he is using you and you deserve soo much more, who could turn on and off just like that , he is playing with your emotions and hurting you, and turning it back on you telling you , that you are overeacting, when all the time he is just trying to worm out of him being the SHIT, take care , and get rid i would say , you owe it to yourself.

joric Fri 29-Jul-11 08:01:00

BTW, no doubt when you do, he will be all over your e-mail/ phone like a bad rash...he's playing a game.

saltyair Fri 29-Jul-11 08:05:00

Ah. I see. A Friend WITH benefits. I read the whole OP thinking she was saying 'A Friend ON benefis'...

HairyGrotter Fri 29-Jul-11 08:10:46

Mug him right off, I'm not against Friends with Benefits, wonderful solution to some circumstances but he's a game player and quite frankly a bellpiece.

Get another one, preferably less complicated and less idiotic.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Fri 29-Jul-11 08:10:51

Doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh.

BertyBurlington Fri 29-Jul-11 08:15:44

you sound like two 12 year olds without their sense

toomuchdust Fri 29-Jul-11 08:24:40

i dont think i sound like a 12 year old thank you very much. I think i sound like a fucked off woman who even in a ' friends with benefits' situation, will not stand for twatish behaviour.

I agreed to see him because hormones got the better of me. I will not be making the same mistake again.

Joric - what do you mean ' when you do' i have blocked and deleted him from everything already. Did it within about 2 mins of the ' im not in babe' text. because i knew he was in and im not being fucked about.

I just wondered if i was being over wrought and ridiclous like he said i was. im pretty damn sure im not. but just wanted to check.

MorelliOrRanger Fri 29-Jul-11 08:36:25

Well you know he can't contact you on FB now you've blocked him. You've told him to get lost now just ignore.

I did think f with b was a casual thing though - do you like him more that that?

joric Fri 29-Jul-11 08:45:38

So he's blocked and deleted. What does it matter if he thinks you are ridiculous ?

AnansiGirl Fri 29-Jul-11 08:51:58

Maybe he's decided he prefers being online to having sex with you?
Perhaps he's had a better offer? Likes the fact that you are desperate?
Have you considered a rabbit?

chirpchirp Fri 29-Jul-11 09:01:27

This sounds like you were more emotionally involved than you realised. In the past I've done friends with benefits and never got this worked up over cancelling. I must say it sounds like you were getting ready for a date rather than going around to see a mate.

FellatioNelson Fri 29-Jul-11 09:03:32

Forget for a minute that you sleep with this guy for no-strings fun. How would you feel if one of your other friends (who you didn't sleep with) treated you like this? You'd be pissed off and bewildered, and quite rightly. It's one thing having a mutually respectful FWB arrangement - it's another thing altogether to be treated like dial-a-whore who can be picked up and dropped at a moment's notice.

solidgoldbrass Fri 29-Jul-11 09:06:00

No YANBU and you don't sound that desperate either. He sounds quite unpleasant and childish ie seems to actively want to muck you about. Some men are a bit like this, they don't like it when a woman is happy in a FWB situation and start trying to 'make' her behave 'unreasonably' by deliberately messing her about so they can then turn it round and go 'I told you I wanted non-strings only but women always fall for me...'

FellatioNelson Fri 29-Jul-11 09:08:23

Good point SGB. It's like they need to validate themselves because they can't quite cope with the fact that women are not supposed to just screw them for fun.

Inertia Fri 29-Jul-11 09:36:20

Agree with SGB as well. This man is deliberately messing you about - as SGB suggests, he wants to portray you as making unreasonable demands; it could also be petty revenge for the initial misunderstanding. Either way, he comes across as spiteful, it is entirely reasonable of you to break off contact. You don't need all this hassle, FWB is meant to be fun.

ENormaSnob Fri 29-Jul-11 10:02:42

This isn't a friend with benefits, this is just a bloke that uses you for a fuck.


swallowedAfly Fri 29-Jul-11 10:07:24

Message withdrawn

ImperialBlether Fri 29-Jul-11 10:41:25

Never mind him not turning up and just using you for a shag, if a man called me 'babe' he'd be dumped immediately.

toomuchdust Fri 29-Jul-11 10:45:17

chirpchirp - no. im not emotionally involved at all, i was seeing somone else a few weeks ago.
Im annoyed, as felliato says, you wouldnt even treat a friend like that. Its rude.let alone a 'friends with benefits' Even in a 'friends with benefits' you are meant to be nice to each other, not be so nasty.

I am not willing to be a 'text wank service' as i told him. there is nothing in that for me, im not getting any benefit at all, and im also not getting any benefit of being let down, well, actually lied to, 10 mins before i was due to leave the house.

Glad most of you agree.

FellatioNelson Fri 29-Jul-11 10:45:36

Especially after having just insulted you and rubbishing your so-called friendship, calling you 'babe' is smug and arrogant in the extreme. He sounds like a smarmy twat. If he tries to worm his way back in, don't show any anger or he will just knwo you care. Just play it cool and say you have tired of the arrangement, but thanks for his time etc., etc. It will drive him mad and he will go out of his way to get you back on side, but do not relent. It's going nowhere.

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