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I'm not, am I?

(31 Posts)
acatcalledfelix Thu 28-Jul-11 23:13:03

Am organising a party for my DH (he doesn't know). We live in a different town to his family (under an hour away), but everyone else we know lives here. When I started to plan it, MIL said it should really be where they live, as BIL won't have a babysitter otherwise (Ie i need to have it at the family home). I said the home wouldn't be the right venue for the party. And, I'm inviting lots of people besides family. After lots of podering and hand wringing, I've stuck to my guns and I'm having it in our town.

So tonight I had SIL trying to persuade me to change it because of the sitter issue. I gave all my reasons for it being here, not there, and suggesting they ask friends to help them out (which is what I'm needing to do as we have a DS and our usual sitters will be at the party too). But as what always happens is that I've come out of it feeling that I am being made out to be unresonable, selfish, and not seeing family as "important".

I really think I am entirely reasonable to have a party in the town we've both lived in for many years that is our home, and that it's unfortunate, but that they just need to look at other options for once.

Am I right?

anothermum92 Thu 28-Jul-11 23:14:31

Message withdrawn

worraliberty Thu 28-Jul-11 23:14:58

YANBU at all

Would their kids be welcome to come if they can't get a sitter?

You are having a party, and want to have it in your own house? Nothing wrong with that.

Why can't BIL etc come and stay with you and just put all the kids to bed upstairs? No babysitters needed.

Casmama Thu 28-Jul-11 23:15:11

Yes you are right. Stick to your guns and be polite but make it clear that you are going ahead as planned and tell them you hope that they can make it as it would be a real shame for them to miss out.

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism Thu 28-Jul-11 23:16:47

We need more info I think. Is it an all day thing or just evening? Where are the people who are travelling going to stay (it it's boozy obv)?

GlitterySkulls Thu 28-Jul-11 23:17:44

what, so everyone else has to travel to them?
will they be willing to accommodate all your friends?

tell 'em to sod off!

StayFrosty Thu 28-Jul-11 23:20:16

yanbu at all. is mil really their only babysitter? why can't sil's parents/family help out? tell them to bollocks.

acatcalledfelix Thu 28-Jul-11 23:20:48

It's in the evening and it's in a bar in town. We don't have any room to out anyone up (have a teeny flat) which is really unfortunate but nothing I can do about that! I'm confident someone will be driving back to their town at the end, but that's for them to decide, they could stay in a hotel if they wanted. Thing is, they have friends so I don;t see why they're so reluctant to try and get someone to babysit (their DD would be welcome but is only 6). Their only solution is for me to change the whole plan to suit them!

acatcalledfelix Thu 28-Jul-11 23:21:42

Exactly, they seem to think it's fine for everyone else to travel to them and don't see why this is a problem!

anothermum92 Thu 28-Jul-11 23:23:22

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CustardCake Thu 28-Jul-11 23:23:28

YANBU - its your DH's party and if you are doing all the planning and most of the friends live nearby, it makes sense to have it near you. You can't rearrange an entire party so that BIL and SIL have their babysitting needs covered and y the sounds of it, you would have to uninvite a lot of people if they were all to fit in MIL's house anyway.

Do BIL and SIL have time to arrange a sitter or is the party quite soon? Is there anything you can do to help them find a sitter or could their child perhpas stay over at your house with your child and share your babysitter?

worraliberty Thu 28-Jul-11 23:23:36

Well all I can say is what I would do if I were them.

I'd round up the family, book a return mini bus, take my 6yr old and have a good night!

acatcalledfelix Thu 28-Jul-11 23:24:48

I just hate the way they make me feel about this type of thing. Normally I'd just vent to DH, who would have a word to make them see some reason, but in this case it's obviously not an option...........

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism Thu 28-Jul-11 23:25:10

ok, well with added info YANBU. grin

GlitterySkulls Thu 28-Jul-11 23:25:14

could you maybe have a "family" birthday celebration near dh's birthday, and have a "friends" birthday celebration, at the bar as planned?

if you want to accommodate them, that is, i wouldn't grin

DogsBestFriend Thu 28-Jul-11 23:25:52

As ever, I agree with GlitterySkulls. Tell 'em to sod off!

(I SO much preferred your previous name, Glittery!). <<squeamish emoticon>>

anothermum92 Thu 28-Jul-11 23:26:48

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Makeminealarge Thu 28-Jul-11 23:27:58

YANBU whatsoever. So what they would prefer is to ask x amount of friends and family to travel about an hour for a party where the kids would be sleeping upstairs (i presume?). Be one hell of a sober party!! if its going to cause such an uproar offer an alternative, go out for a meal with the sil, kids etc.

acatcalledfelix Thu 28-Jul-11 23:28:11

There's about 6 weeks, so plenty of time. I don't think their DD could stay here without them (that's issues with my babysitter) plus we really don' t have the room. They just need to ASK A FRIEND!!!

acatcalledfelix Thu 28-Jul-11 23:31:11

I know, there is no way my DS (under two) would be able to sleep with the type of party I've got planned! I doesn't fit to have it in house anyway, it's definitely a "venue" do, as it's a big birthday.

L8rAllig8r Thu 28-Jul-11 23:31:54

YANBU. Could your babysitter look after their kid(s) too, and they pick them up after?

GlitterySkulls Thu 28-Jul-11 23:33:25

DBF grin and here's me thinking the word "glittery" made me sound a lot less
twisted morbid erm, "dark" as usual lol

acatcalledfelix Thu 28-Jul-11 23:33:29

Not really, I can't accommodate any other children being babysat here, unfortunate but that's how it is.

GlitterySkulls Thu 28-Jul-11 23:34:20

than, not as

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