DS is sat in his room and not allowed to play.(159 Posts)
He also thinks I've cancelled the holiday after pretend phonecall whilst stategically stood outside his bedroom.
I am finding him really difficult atm, thing is though he really isn't a naughty child and if asked to stop doing something he will. He is also quite passive and accepting of things and doesn't argue when I say 'we're doing x and then y and z this way'.
However he is just NOT engaging brain, doesn't seem to be treating anything with repsect and drawing on any bit of paper, packaging he see's when he has a draw full of it that I've made available to him.
The other day he was drawing a map and picked up his Infant school leavers assembly programme and began crossing out names and adding others. I told him he doesn't draw on anything without asking and he had ruined the last thing he has from Infant School. He had earlier on in the day takjen his leavers book into after school club - he is told repeatedly everything stays in his bag on the peg, because there's lots of children aged 4-12yo with free reign and it keeps things safe. He took it in left it by a sink and another child has soaked it by accident and it is ruined.
So today my mum takes him out and buys him a new scooter for holiday. I take it from box and put together, go to toilet and come back to find him drawing all over the box. OK, so not a biggy as it will go in the bin but I thought after ruining something important by the same actions he would heed my advice.
He had also taken again to coming to yell through the toilet door about needing food/ drink everytime I go. This morning he woke at 5:50am. I told him it was too early, to go to bed and watch a DVD and I would come and get him at 7.30am. 6.55am he comes in, sees I'm asleep so pokes and calls me repeatedly until I wake up wanting to know if he can have a chocolate from the box a pupil bought me. He knows this would not be allowed. If he had asked aproppriate time he would of been allowed but as it is he isn't having 1 at all all day today - I have told him this and explained why.
He gets lots of positive praise, but recently nothing is ever enough and as a struggling LP who's saved hard for 5 days away I'm really very sad.
AIBU to simply get him accept the pleasures he has or get nothing?
Sorry ranting a bit but at least I'm not yelling at him.
You do sound like you're finding things tough, but tbh, your ds sounds a fairly typical 6-7 year old, especially if he is an eldest child.
Try making a list of what is pushing your buttons. Sounds like drawing on things is an issue - so what about having a paper drawer, and telling him that is the ONLY thing he draws on, if he wants to draw on something else, he needs to check with you (decorating the box of the scooter sounds great fun, and very creative too, and if he'd checked, perhaps you could have done some art together).
I'm not a fan of TVs/DVDs in bedrooms - I think they can make it hard for children to wind down and sleep, what about giving him a special table or box by his bed for 'morning books' or something like that. And you can get alarm clocks that open their eyes at a set time - I think it's a rabbit clock - that might help. You could also leave some appropriate food for the morning - perhaps a couple of cream crackers or something like that? Or some raisins? He could very well be hungry when he wakes up!
No wonder he came and asked for chocolate if he'd been laying awake watching a DVD for over an hour. He was probably hungry
As for the rest of his behaviour, does he get lonely or does he have other kids his age around to play with?
Remove all pens/pencils from his reach, and monitor their usage.
Why not just remove some of his "pleasures" and let him earn them back by demonstrating he can look after the ones that he has got?
How old is he? And does he have SN? Because this all sounds like fairly small stuff. What's the point of pretending to cancel your holiday? Are you really going to do that? I think if you did, that would definitely be cutting off your nose to spite your face, and if you aren't going to cancel then that will just prove to him that your punishments hold no water.
Hmmm, although irritating behaviours I think the punishment doesn't fit the crime. I think your expectations are too high.
maybe I'm a bit soft, but as long as he's not drawing on the walls or books I don't really see a problem? There are a lot of worse things he could do - I certainly wouldn't threaten to cancel a holiday over it.
DS gets me up at about 6am every day so I don't feel too strongly about that, either.
Answering back on the other hand, really gets my goat . I think 6 year olds have an innate ability to work out what drives us up the wall......
already asked, but the first thing i thought of when i read this thread, was how old is he?
Good lord - if your child wakes early, get out of your bed and get them some breakfast! You say "his infant school programme" - is he a tot?
what's the problem with him drawing on a box you're going to throw away anyhow?
Personally I think he sounds a bit bored....are you doing stuff with him, is he seeing plenty of friends?? My DS gets quite irritating when he is bored but when he is fully occupied he is the nicest kid in the world.
I wouldnt get het up TBH over him drawing on a box, esp if its going in the bin. As long as he doesnt start drawing over walls, your books etc........
Sounds like you are being a bit strict and like someone else said, what is the point in pretending to cancel the holiday as when you actually go he will know it was all just pretend.
He waited a whole hour and tried to wake you again? He deserves a medal. Take the TV/DVD out of the bedroom and start to parent your child
my guess is that he is 7 (end of last year infants). He probably wants your attention.
when ds wakes up at this time, we just let him into our bed under the condition that he does not wriggle or talk. 9 times out of 10 he falls back asleep and you get a lovely cuddle as well
My perspective is that children will get into mischief- it is their nature and also an instinct that gets them to learn and explore. There are those two practical ways of parenting
- benign neglect- allow them free-reign but be laid back about the consequences
- lots of structure and attention so they have no room to miss-behave
I think expecting them to behave like an adult is simply asking too much
I expected to see a long list of bad things he had done, not minor little bits. Threatening to cancel a holiday over drawing on a box going into the rubbish is very harsh, what will you have to tell him when he actually does something deserving of a strict punishment?
The school bag thing is something that 99% of children do, they get distracted with friends etc and leave coats/bags/jumpers etc lying around whilst playing.
Drawing on a box that was going in the bin is not naughty and asking for something to eat after already being awake for an hour is down to hunger not naughtiness.
You can't be angry with him for waking early!
I would get yourself to the GP personally because you sound like you aren't coping and could be depressed.
This is all really minor stuff, I agree he sounds bored.
OP, I empathise cos I know how the little things build up and up and can get you down. Its easy to get into a cycle of getting wound up by every little thing.
But stand back and get some perspective - nothing he has done is actually that bad, and I think you may be being a little harsh.
As far as the getting up early is concerned, I agree that a 6 or 7yo should be able to entertain themselves if they wake up early. But he was good for an hour, which is an achievement in itself.
Threatening to cancel something that you have no intention of cancelling is a big bugbear of mine. Only threaten what you will carry out.
Infant assembly book - that was his. If you wanted it kept nice you should have put it somewhere he's not allowed to touch. If he has access to it then he probably thought he could do what he liked to it. Plus, you don't know what was going on in his head. The additions he was making could gave seemed importantant to him at the time. If he's not bothered about defacing it then if you didn't put it away for posterity too bad.
Leavers book - he's ruined it by getting it out when he was told not to. He's probably upset and will learn from his mistake.
Scooter box - he knew it was rubbish so drew on it. Fair enough, if he is drawing on absolutely everything at the moment and you are trying to get him to ask before drawing on something that isn't his paper then I would just say 'You've been told to ask before drawing on things' and take it away from him, but no need to make a big deal out of it.
5.50am wake up - he's awake, he's not tired. Teach him to pour himself some cereal and play quietly until you get up. I don't really understand why you're cross that he asked for a chocolate. Because he woke you? Yes, but he had been awake for an hour and he didn't just take it. Because you've got cross with him and now said he can't have one at all next time he probably won't ask, he'll just sneakily eat one.
As you said the chocolates were from a pupil, I'm guessing you work in a school, so he's probably enjoying having you at home for the holidays and being a bit attention seeking. Put your problems behind you, go and get him and take him to the park. The fresh air and exercise will do you both good and he'll probably sleep in a bit longer tomorrow!
I think you both need your holiday. You sound stressed out and IMO you're driving him too hard. Really, what is the problem with drawing on a box that's going in the bin? However, you have my sympathy because I've been here, I've frequently got into a downward, negative spiral with DS where my buttons have been pushed over an incident and it then feels like every single thing he does is wrong.
Go on holiday, relax, have some fun together and start again.
You're not going to let him have a chocolate at all today because he asked for one at the wrong time?
Did you send your ds to his room, told him he is not allowed to play, and convinced him (by way of a mock phone call) that you've cancelled your holiday because he committed the heinous crime of drawing on a cardboard box that was going in the bin?
What exactly are you hoping to achieve by making your child conform to your notion of perfection?
I think your punishments are pretty harsh for the 'crimes'. My ds is up around 6am every morning, it's just one of those things! The drawing thing, I agree you should have kept the leavers book out of his reach.
Pretending to cancel a holiday?
Oh and children don't tend to care if you still want to sleep! My ds bangs about our room for a good 30 mins before I can unglue my eyes as he plays being Ben 10 or spiderman etc.
He is only little and I think you are over reacting.
He drew on a box destined (which he must have known) for the bin. Fairly standard child behaviour.
Asking for chocolate - most kids try their luck once in a while.
Getting up early - hardly the crime of the century.
What would you actually do if he did something properly naughty? My advice would be to let him out of his room, give him a great big cuddle and tell him you have been a bit of an idiot and then do something nice with him.
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