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To ask if you arranged a playdate for a nine year old would you expect to stay too?

(58 Posts)
nojustificationneeded Thu 28-Jul-11 11:59:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Thu 28-Jul-11 12:01:10

I'd dump and run unless it was a good friend and we intended to cackle visit too grin

whoneedssleepanyway Thu 28-Jul-11 12:03:48

My DDs are younger than yours but maybe if it the first time her DC is coming to play and she doesn't know you well she just wants to meet you and know you a bit better....presumably you weren't hoping to have to amuse an adult all day too so a bit of a pain as you won't be able to get anything done...

mummakaz Thu 28-Jul-11 12:04:12

Is this the first time the child is coming round to yours? perhaps she's checking out you/your house etc or just wants some company? but in answer to your op no, I wouldn't expect the parent to stay

Notalone Thu 28-Jul-11 12:04:41

At 9??? No no no!!! Why on earth do they feel the need to do this unless it is a hell of a journey to and from your house and they don't drive. DS is 9 and he plays out in the small estate I live on with lots of other kids. They are always in and out of each others houses and I certainly don't accompany him - I would be very odd if I did. And it gives me more time to MN erm clean the house

Daydreaming Thu 28-Jul-11 12:05:35

Maybe she wants to get to know you better and become friends with you?

OrdinaryJo Thu 28-Jul-11 12:05:45

If I didn't know the parent or child very well I would always make the first play date for a short coffee, so I could snoop around get to know them a bit better first. Then I'd be comfortable to drop and run in the future. My DS is only 5 though, so I probably wouldn't take him somewhere for the entire day unless we knew them very well already. So, I think YANBU but also I think the other mum isn't either! Sorry, maybe a shorter date for first-timers in the future?

munstersmum Thu 28-Jul-11 12:07:20

Nope. DS is 6 so play dates are usually only a couple of hours plus tea. However never had a parent want to stay & never invited myself to stay, & we all drive to play dates cos we're in the sticks.

DoMeDon Thu 28-Jul-11 12:08:23

I wouldn't expect to stay but if I might expect to be invited in for a quick ' get to know you' coffee if we hadn't met.

exoticfruits Thu 28-Jul-11 12:08:45

YANBU. Next time you will have to politely make it plain.

throckenholt Thu 28-Jul-11 12:14:51

When she gets there offer her a cup of tea, say don't feel you have to stay, and would you like me to drop her back at xish or will you come back for her ?

Make it obvious that you don't expect her to stay for more that an initial few minutes.

Ragwort Thu 28-Jul-11 12:20:29

No - that is pretty rude. Is she still with you? If so do as throckenholt suggests and say firmly that you will bring her back at xx pm.

If she insists on sitting there you there not sure what you can do ........... after an hour say you are going out just to get rid of her and her daughter grin - can't believe the cheek of some people.

nojustificationneeded Thu 28-Jul-11 12:21:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mangomousse Thu 28-Jul-11 12:27:08

At 9 I would drop and leave/expect them to drop and leave - if it was a first playdate then maybe a coffee but no more. If it was a really good friend of mine and dc's then maybe lunch etc but that would be clear from the start and an exception.

Good luck!

youarekidding Thu 28-Jul-11 12:27:31

I think it may be because of how it came about that her DD is coming to yours. She rang you? to say her DD would like to play with yours? Presumably she expected to have your DD? You then invited her DD round for day, give them lunch etc, she may have just thought you were inviting them.

When she arrives you can simply say, come in and have a coffee, you can then go if you want, get some things done and come back at xpm.

SandStorm Thu 28-Jul-11 12:29:37

Is she actually there now? If not, what has she said or done to make you think she's planning on staying?

nojustificationneeded Thu 28-Jul-11 12:37:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkdelight Thu 28-Jul-11 13:10:29

So just say - that's okay, there's no need to stay at all. just drop her off and pick her up after your appointment. Sure the girls will have lots of fun together.

I don't it would be at all weird/rude to say that, do you?

throckenholt Thu 28-Jul-11 13:11:18

have you answered the text ? Just tell her she is fine to leave her DD with you until she gets back from her appointment - no need to hang around until then. Or suggest you could drop her home a bit later in the day.

Maybe mention you work from home so are hoping the kids will occupy themselves for at least some of the time.

smallwhitecat Thu 28-Jul-11 13:18:42

Message withdrawn

bestmate Thu 28-Jul-11 13:41:07

blimey, i must be a realy laid back mother, as I most definatly dont want play dates for me as well! I see it as an opportuity to do something with either my other children, or on my own.

Is her daughter an only child?

exoticfruits Thu 28-Jul-11 14:09:39

At 9yrs old they are either friends or not-in 2 yrs time you won't even see the parents when they are at secondary school!

pointydog Thu 28-Jul-11 14:19:31

Why would anyone stay with a 9 year old, in teh normal run of things? No need.

Maybe she has misunderstood you. This appointment is the perfect opportunity. You should say, 'oh feel free to head off after lunch, have a bit of time to yourself. Of course your dd can stay while you are at appt. Just pick her up when you've finished.'

Ragwort Thu 28-Jul-11 14:54:53

You need to be totally firm - say (rather than text so there is no misunderstanding) - leave DD with us at 10am (or whatever), I will give her lunch and you can pick her up after your appointment. Make it absolutely clear.

aliceliddell Thu 28-Jul-11 15:05:16

Possibly her kid is going through some kind of anxiety thing and she's hoping this type of thing will gradually cure her? And what mummakaz said

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