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using children as weapons................

(18 Posts)
cannydoit Wed 27-Jul-11 17:31:32

stopping a dad from seeing his children because he has upset that day justifiably upset or not, example phoning up screaming down the phone and then saying "your not having the kids tonight now,your loss"....... thats not right is it?
it an attempt to use contact with your children to make that person behave in a way you want them to and as far as i can see its the kids that lose out.
it would be like a non resident parent saying i am not returning the child on our prearranged time because you did or said something i didnt like. i will give them back when you behave better.
obviously there are circumstances were children have to be protected but that is not what i am talking about here.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 27-Jul-11 17:32:27

I find children just aren't pointy enough to be effective weapons.... <goes off to sharpen child emoticon>

spiderpig8 Wed 27-Jul-11 17:34:04

DD2 is a weapon of mass destruction!

cannydoit Wed 27-Jul-11 17:35:43

grin i obviously hadnt thought of the practical application of children as weapons as well as the emotional ones.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 27-Jul-11 17:37:23

Seriously? No it's not right to use children as pawns in a personal grudge match. But it happens all the time because some people are extremely nasty and rather childish.

spiderpig8 Wed 27-Jul-11 17:39:40

It isn't right, in fact it's very very very wrong.But people are so hurt ,angry, upset jealous and the temptation to do so must be immense

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 27-Jul-11 17:42:31

My son's ex does this every single time something goes wrong, or he doesn't change his plans to suit her. (He usually does, sometimes he can't.) Once she said it because I refused to look after the child, because DS was working and she was tired; I'd just come home from a nightshift. Most recently it was because a third party posted something nasty on her FB, believe it or not.

EdithWeston Wed 27-Jul-11 17:43:22

I've just seen on another thread a comment: She's not a possession only to be shared when I feel like it. She's an independent person and she has TWO parents".

Children are not pawns, and the more difficult the relationship between the separated parents, the more important it is to keep to access agreements.

<I think DD in particular would make an extremely effective weapon - even though the DSes might win in BCW terms>

TrickyBiscuits Wed 27-Jul-11 17:51:26

YANBU it's exceptionally selfish and destructive sad

cannydoit Wed 27-Jul-11 18:29:46

i am seeing this at the mo with my dp ex oldlady and i am really shocked, i truly hated/hate my ex some times but he is my ex not the kids he is and will always be their dad. plus i love my free time grin. i just cant understand the self-righteous behavior that leads someone to think its ok to do that to their children to get back at someone.

cannydoit Wed 27-Jul-11 18:30:18


x2boys Wed 27-Jul-11 18:37:24

my dh ex systematically pushed him out of their daughters life when he met me they had been split up for long time but she wanted them to get back together some people are selfish and only consider their needs not their childrens

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 27-Jul-11 19:03:29

Ach, to be fair to the lassie she never follows through, or not for more than a day or so, she also likes her time off lol! But she says it every time someone says "boo" and of course the first time filled us all with fear and panic.

Even worse, when she was pregnant she said how much she hated women who do this! I suppose maybe she knows she doesn't mean it, so thinks it doesn't count?

Just wish she'd grow up.

activate Wed 27-Jul-11 19:04:40

I don't want to read the OP because the title amused me too much

and I can see many ways to set my children on people who have annoyed me

cannydoit Wed 27-Jul-11 19:08:58

well even if she is doing it for a day or so she is disrupting the children's routine and showing them that dad is not to be respected.
i just have visions of her walking in to the kids and saying you are not going to your dads now, how do they explain it, do they blame the dad?
it is so horrible so then the next time the kid see's the dad it might say something and then the dad will blame the mum, mental behaviour.

sugarbea Wed 27-Jul-11 19:13:56

IME people can only do it if they are allowed to. Don't pander to it a mediation session and something in writing should sort it out smile

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 27-Jul-11 19:22:05

She said, "You'll never see him again" when mediation was suggested. And if DS ever sees a lawyer, guess what?

cannydoit Wed 27-Jul-11 19:24:48

they had mediation it all went swimmingly.

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