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AIBU To consider not going to my good friends wedding in three days because I don't know how I will get home.

(145 Posts)
Shell85 Wed 27-Jul-11 16:19:26

A friend of mine is getting married at the weekend.
She has picked a lovely hotel in the middle of nowhere to get married.
I had arranged for DS and I to get a lift there and back with someone, but they told me at the hen do last weekend that they can no longer give us a lift.
I have tried to find another lift, even asked the bride to ask people, but she said there is no one that can give me a lift that is coming from anywhere near where I live.
Rooms at the hotel are £180 a night, even with the wedding guest discount, and a taxi would cost over £100. Nether of which I can afford this close to the end of the month.
I even looked at public transport, but it wouldn't work either.
There are no other hotels around that are of a reasonable price either.
I have asked friends if anyone would be willing to drive me but no one is free.

I don't see any other way to get there and get home, I don't want to miss it but I don't know if I have much of a choice.
AIBU to not go because I don't think we could get home?
I know my friend would be hurt if I let her down. sad

BluddyMoFo Wed 27-Jul-11 16:21:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eurochick Wed 27-Jul-11 16:21:47

Drive and don't drink?

I think YABU to drop out at this late stage.

Bogeyface Wed 27-Jul-11 16:23:10

YANBU

ANd if you friend is hurt by you "letting her down" then she should wonder whether she is partly responsible for that by asking you to attend a venue in the middle of nowhere when she knows you dont have transport.

When you let her know,make sure that you say its because the other guest has let you down on the lift, not because you dont want to go.

Bogeyface Wed 27-Jul-11 16:24:06

Euro, if she could drive then I am guessing that she wouldnt be posting about not going!

pigletmania Wed 27-Jul-11 16:24:13

I don't drive either, and if I really could not find any other way to get there and back I would tell my friend that I could not go. If they are a good friend they should be understanding

Can you travel to where one of the other guests lives and then get a lift with them?

belledechocchipcookie Wed 27-Jul-11 16:24:17

Is there someone you can share a room with? Drive and don't drink?

Bogeyface Wed 27-Jul-11 16:37:26

Why the assumption that she can drive and just wont because she wants a drink?

Not everyone has a car you know!

BecauseImWorthIt Wed 27-Jul-11 16:38:09

Do you drive? If so, could you hire a car?

Or - you say public transport won't work - why is that? Surely you must be able to get a train/bus to somewhere nearby, and then arrange for a local taxi? The hotel would be able to advise you on that.

stillstanding Wed 27-Jul-11 16:38:30

Ah shucks, this is awful - could you not get a train to nearer the venue and then a taxi? I assume not given that it seems you have tried all the options.

YANBU because not being able to get home is a good reason not to go somewhere but it is such a shame especially if she is a good friend. I think perhaps you have to be open and honest with your friend and tell her your reason - hopefully once she knows how serious the situation is (ie you won't be able to go unless you get a lift) she will be able to drum something up.

One thing I would say is that, while I know £100 for a taxi is a LOT of money, if she really is a good friend and you really want to be there it may be that you could somehow scrape it together as you would regret doing otherwise. I really regret missing a friend's wedding because I felt at the time I couldn't afford it but in retrospect I could have managed somehow and now just have to live with missing a really important day in someone's life who was really important to me. But that just may not be possible for you.

BluddyMoFo Wed 27-Jul-11 16:38:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner Wed 27-Jul-11 16:42:24

Does she know that you have been let down over the lift?

If not, then you need to tell her now, while she can still do something about it.

Soemone's probably got a family room at the hotal they can squeeze you into if needs be; or someone will be able to drive you home.

But you do need to tell her now.

StrandedBear Wed 27-Jul-11 16:44:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge Wed 27-Jul-11 16:46:16

Could you get a taxi out to a cheaper bed and breakfast at the end of the evening?

faaaaghinatub Wed 27-Jul-11 16:48:51

Is there another guest you could arrange a lift to a local transport hub with? Or even just part way to reduce the taxi cost?

Or even a neighbour/colleague/anyone?

I would do anything to avoid not going to a weddnig, I know how stressful they can be, and how upsetting it is if someone special isn't there. But YANBU for worrying about the logistics/costs.

faaaaghinatub Wed 27-Jul-11 16:50:14

Oh! and you could phone the hotel in advance, if it's truly in the middle of nowhere a lot of hotels i've stayed at often have a free shuttle (either regular or pre-booked) to a local town, either for a nominal fee or just for free. Please do ask at the hotel, if it's that expensive an hotel, their staff will be able to advise with the best knowledge - USE IT! grin

sailorsgal Wed 27-Jul-11 16:59:21

YANBU, you have tried to find an alternative but can't and if the bride is unwilling to help you she should not be disappointed when you are not there.

Shell85 Wed 27-Jul-11 17:00:02

Only the bride and groom and their families are staying at the hotel.
so there is no one who's room we could share, I already checked.
And there are not many guest going to the wedding, it is only an 'intimate wedding, and most of them are coming from the complete opposite direction, only a few live even remotely close to where I live and they have already arranged to share cars or a taxi, no on has space.
Public transport is out because I would have to get a taxi to the nearest station, and then two trains, even on the latest possible train I would have to leave 20 minutes after the wedding starts.
I don't drive, that is why I needed a lift

the wedding is a couple of days before I get paid, there is no way I could even scrape together the money, I have already set aside money for drinks and getting there, and there is no one that could lend it to me, I already asked.

I am really hoping someone will make a sugestion of something I hadnt though of.

stillstanding Wed 27-Jul-11 17:02:39

why have the original people bailed on you?

sausagesandmarmelade Wed 27-Jul-11 17:04:05

No you are not being unreasonable to consider not going....

You are being unreasonable to have accepted the invitation in the first place...and to have left it this late to pull out..when the bride and groom will have already paid for your place.

Perhaps you could reimburse them for what they have already paid for your place?

QueenStromba Wed 27-Jul-11 17:06:33

Have you tried asking the bank about a temporary overdraft? They'll be able to look at your account and see that you get paid on x date every month so they may well be happy to do it. If the bank turn you down and it's literally just a couple of days until you get paid then a pay day loan shouldn't be too expensive (I'm normally very against the idea of these but you'll be gutted if you don't make it to your friend's wedding so in this case I think it would be worth it).

scurryfunge Wed 27-Jul-11 17:07:00

I wouldn't go then. If your lift has fallen through then you don't need to reimburse the bride and groom.

LineRunner Wed 27-Jul-11 17:07:53

Tell your friend about your dilemma - now. It's hardly your fault if you got let down.

bubblesincoffee Wed 27-Jul-11 17:08:27

I'd get the train and find somewhere else to stay for the night. There must be a b&b or a little hotel somewhere vaguely nearby.

I couldn't let a friend down so close to the wedding day, she will have paid for your space and planned around the amount of people that have said they are going.

Why did the other friend let you down, is there no way they could be persuaded to take you?

It is unfair of some posters to suggest that this is the brides fault for getting married where she is. Unless the couple both come from the same town that offers a wedding venue suitable for the right number of guests, someone is always going to have to do some travelling.

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