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to feel judged by my mother?

(20 Posts)
CheerfulYank Wed 27-Jul-11 07:33:06

Warning: this is stupid and I should get over it. But.

My mother was visiting last week and I was showing her a website from which I'd ordered a hat for DS. We were browsing around the site and saw a set of adorable hats meant for twins. I mentioned that I'd like twins next time as there are so many names I like. (I was joking.) She got very quiet and then said:

"I think you'd have a very difficult time with twins."

I asked her what she meant and she hemmed and hawed about it being a lot of work, etc, and I said of course it was but lots of people did it, and so on. Finally she said:

"Well, you certainly wouldn't get your daily nap."

First of all, I don't nap every day, though admittedly a lot of days. I doze for as long as it takes DS to watch an episode of Sesame Street or what have you. (He's four) My mother's always been a bit snooty about this. If I mention I'm having a tough time finishing up painting a room, or something, she manages to work in "well, maybe you could do that instead of sleep," or something. She also found it appalling when I would sleep in til DS woke up, too. She was always on about "it's such a nice time to get things done, before they wake up!" Now I get up early to walk the dog so that's no longer an issue.

AIBU to tell her that maybe she needs a nap so she won't be such a cat's bum mouth? grin

CheerfulYank Wed 27-Jul-11 07:34:16

Also, I informed her I doze off because I can . Obviously if I had two babies (or one, even) I would not be nodding off in the afternoon!

TattyDevine Wed 27-Jul-11 07:34:39

Totally the woman is clearly tired and grouchy.

I'd retaliate with a "now, its been a long day and there have been lots of treats but now you are just showing off!" grin

clappyhands Wed 27-Jul-11 07:35:41

she's jealous grin

Thistledew Wed 27-Jul-11 07:37:08

Tell her that research has shown (am posting from my phone so can't link but a quick google will bring it up) that people who have a sleep during the day live longer and are healthier.

LynetteScavo Wed 27-Jul-11 07:37:23

You had your mother to stay and this is the only thing that she did/said to annoy you?

You are lucky.

My mother was only in my house for 10 mins yesterday, and managed to annoy me within 3 seconds of walking in the door. <<sigh>>

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 27-Jul-11 07:39:52

Pfffft, Cheerful, she's just jealous that you manage all you do AND get a nap.

(I do all the things you do, by the way. I am a cat, I can drop off anywhere, any chance I get. No way I'm getting up before DD!)

CheerfulYank Wed 27-Jul-11 07:56:30

We've just always had very different personalities, I think. She needs to always be doing, doing, doing, where I'm content to loll about in the sun or read or any number of lazy relaxing pursuits. In light of another thread, she's a paddler, I'm a floater, and it will evermore be thus. smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 27-Jul-11 07:59:48

YANBU to think you were judged but really, if you are very different personalities, that's going to happen quite a lot. So you either let every comment rile you or you roll your eyes and ignore it..... I remember the day I got home from hospital with DS and he finally settled down nap. I was all for putting my feet up and watching a movie. My mum suggested I got the Hoover out and cleaned the house. HA... HA.... HAAAAAA......hmm

CheerfulYank Wed 27-Jul-11 08:04:02

True, and it wasn't even that terrible of a comment. It's just that it does happen a lot. She makes and sells things in an etsy shop and is always giving me advice on how to start my own store, or make things for hers, because she thinks I should be a SAHM. Yes, my working 8-12, Monday through Friday, September through May, is going to completely traumatize him. hmm

shock at your mum, Cogito . Just what you feel like doing after giving birth, eh? Mine probably would have said the same, though! grin

StrikeUpTheBand Wed 27-Jul-11 08:10:45

My mum would say something like this. She also has a tendency to say daft (as in obvious) things regarding the DC that drive me mad. For example, I tell her we are going out to the park, she'll go all quiet and seem uncomfortable and say "Oh, well...make sure you have their coats on and they aren't too cold." I tell her about how DS was very rude to me earlier and I had to tell him off and she'll again look all uncomfortable (almost like I have done something wrong and it's hr job to tell me) and say something like "Umm...well remember he's only 4". Honestly I am driven crazy by this. She is also, like your mother, inclined to think she can micromanage me by suggesting that if we're on holiday from work we "get the house sorted"...."mow that lawn" etc. I try to let it wash over me and not affect me but it really grates.

No good advice but just wanted to let you know it isn't just you. smile

smoggii Wed 27-Jul-11 09:00:07

My Mum says stuff like this to me all the time, she also tells me my house 'isn't clean to her standards' and that I'm lucky to have such an 'easy' baby.

I used to get incredibly wound up but now I just let it wash over me. I know if I have a nap when my baby is napping then I'm brighter to deal with her, I'm happy my house is clean enough and she's not always easy, if she was I wouldn't need a nap but she only see's her for a couple of hours a week and doesn't know the half of it.

Just grit your teeth, don't explain yourself you know your reasoning.

carabos Wed 27-Jul-11 09:50:01

My ex MIL used to say, when I would mention that I had some time off work, "and will you be using the time to do any special cleaning?". I'm not sure what constitutes "special cleaning" but I am pretty sure she really meant "any cleaning at all"....Cheeky mare!

ImperialBlether Wed 27-Jul-11 09:53:07

I think she sees you as a bit lazy (okay maybe that's in comparison to herself, but still) and anyone who's lazy and has twins is always in for a massive shock.

pictish Wed 27-Jul-11 09:53:33

Oh god ignore it ffs. It's the sort of thing my mother would've said as well....good job that despite loving the very bones of her, I never took the slightest bit of notice of any of her barbed comments.
I used to say 'mmm' and change the subject.

Lisaklf Wed 27-Jul-11 09:55:33

My DB was two days old when my DSM's mother brought her a set of step ladders to 'clean the tops of those kitchen cupboards while you are off work' shock

BluddyMoFo Wed 27-Jul-11 09:56:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner Wed 27-Jul-11 09:56:18

My parents always gave the impression that sleep was the devil's work. No lie-ins, no naps, even if we were all sat there bored shitless of a wet Saturday morning at 7am.

redexpat Wed 27-Jul-11 19:04:29

My mother has told me that you just don't sleep during the day when the baby is asleep because you need a routine. ??? I think it may be a generational thing.

Also she seems to think I am still the sleepy (I was actually massively sleep deprived) teenager, and is oblivious to the fact that I am bloody pregnant!

Perhaps you could ask if she thinks that having a sleep deprived mother, a spotless house and living in poverty would be best for her GC?

pictish Wed 27-Jul-11 23:28:17 mum never got over me being 14 I don't think.

If I disagreed with her, even was always 'Oh God you're so volatile!'

Actually I was kinda volatile at 14...but as an adult, no. My mood is fairly consistently good and has been for most of my adult life.

But yeah 'oh you're so volatile!' whenever I stood up to her manipulative ways.

She was a wonderful mother btw and I miss her a lot - but I never grew up in her eyes.

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