aibu or cowardly to return this money in this way?

[vegetariandumpling]

first post in aibu, but I'm prepared to be told I am.

I got engaged in January and some of my family gave me money. Long story short, I am no longer getting married. This money is in a separate account and every time I look at it it upsets me. Obviously I don't feel I can keep it/spend it under the circumstances.

Some of the money is from my aunt. I'm meeting with my cousins tomorrow, so would it be unreasonable to put the money in an envelope with a letter saying I really appreciate it, but can't keep the money, and then give it to my cousins to give to my aunt?

My other aunt also gave me some money but I won't see her for a while so I would have to send her a cheque again with a letter explaining.

The last of the money is from my nan. She has just given me a cheque for the same amount for graduation, so would it be ok to just say to her thanks, but I won't be paying the cheque in?

I know that all these people would say tell me to keep the money, but it's in a separate account and I don't think I could ever bring myself to spend it. I know I should do this in person, but I don't want to put them in a position where they feel they have to say 'don't worry you keep it' iyswim.

However, I don't want to look ungrateful/rude/cowardly either.

I now hand over to the mn jury...

[worraliberty]

So sorry to hear that

I think it's perfectly reasonable to do what you said

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I am sure that your relatives will understand that your feelings are all over the place right now and that you might not be up to face to face explanations. A nice thank you card or letter from you with the returned money will be absolutely fine.

Sorry you are in this situation.

[OrdinaryJo]

Not at all BU. You were given money as an engagement present, you are no longer engaged. Returning it with your thanks is absolutely the right thing to do IMO - and if I was your aunt or whatever, I would be a bit catsbumface if you didn't return it!

[whackamole]

I think anyone who had a problem with you handing the money back in that way would be really out of order. You have clearly gone through a bad time, whatever the reason for you now not getting married.

You wouldn't look ungrateful, rude or cowardly at all.

[LineRunner]

I think that posting cheques back with a short note saying that you are returning their very kind engagement gifts, owing to the wedding not going ahead, is fine.

You don't have to explain any more.

Sorry that you have this to deal with, but you sound like you want to do the right thing so well done on that.

[DogsBestFriend]

I don't think it qould be cowardly or rude. I'm sure that if the family care for you enough to give you gifts like this they're caring enough to understand that you might not want to give a face-to-face explanation and to talk about it.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

[vegetariandumpling]

Thanks everyone for your quick replies. I'm so all over the place at the moment that I wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. Will get on and write those letters now.