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to think we have done nothing wrong here? (BIL/SIL disagreement)

(15 Posts)
Poweredbypepsi Tue 26-Jul-11 22:24:15

We dont have a car and we rarely get lifts places but when DHs computer broke BIL offered him a lift to take it in to the shop because it seemed a little foolhardy to carry the computer on the train (its what he runs his business on it is not cheap and we dont live in the nicest of areas).Anyway for some reason BIL parked in a bus lane, I dont know why he did this but anyway they got a ticket for causing an obstruction which was £30.
We offeres to pay the ticket since they were doing us a favour they said no.
now we heard they are not speaking to us because of this...we didnt force them to park in a bus lane (plenty of parking nearby) and we offered to pay the ticket?

AIBU to ignore them totally now?

Katisha Tue 26-Jul-11 22:26:43

Well clearly they think there is another side to the story so I would leave a message (if they won't pick up) asking what is wrong and how can you sort it out.

AgentZigzag Tue 26-Jul-11 22:27:01

Are you sure it's about the ticket?

Are they usually volatile?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 26-Jul-11 22:27:55

No, you are not being unreasonable.

They are being stupid. You offered to pay the fine, what more do they want?

Perhaps a note or call saying that you are confused to learn that they are annoyed, since when this happened, you offered to pay the fine and they said no.

Or perhaps they were expecting that stupid stupid thing people do
we'll pay
no, it's alright
no, I insist
Wouldn't dream of it, old chap
No no, you really must let me
not at all, it's fine
No, you have to.
oh well, ok then, you twisted my arm

but instead, you did
we'll pay
no, it's alright
oh, ok then

See, people are weird and they almost never say what they mean.

cjbartlett Tue 26-Jul-11 22:28:20

Yes yabu to ignore them totally now, try to sort it out, offer the £30 again

Poweredbypepsi Tue 26-Jul-11 22:29:58

yes SIL is very volatile many arguments with various family members!.
I really cant think what else it would be about since we rarely see them DH talks to his brother about hobbies occasionally but thats it. We only heard today that they were upset with us from MIL they even avoided coming on a holiday which the rest of the family (10 + people) were on because of it aparently. DH and MIL are of the opinion to just leave it but i hate disagreements hanging over me.

AgentZigzag Tue 26-Jul-11 22:31:46

How will they know you're ignoring them if they're ignoring you?

You'll have to let it be known around the family grin

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 26-Jul-11 22:32:44

Send them a cheque

"I am sorry to learn that you are annoyed. We did offer to pay this at the time and you said no, but since you are cross nonetheless, here it is. I would not like such a small sum to cause friction between us."

Poweredbypepsi Tue 26-Jul-11 22:32:59

TheMagnificentBathykolpian the conversation was basically - ok we will pay it for you they said no we said well if you want us to do it over the phone or online (how they said to pay it) we can just do that again no. So we left it.
We assumed they actually meant no, although when i think about it maybe they were expecting us to beg or something - DH and i are quite straightforward if we say no then it means no not maybe. Maybe SIL and BIL are different.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 26-Jul-11 22:33:18

with that note, of course.

the cheque would need to be for £30, or that'd just be weird.

reelingintheyears Tue 26-Jul-11 22:35:26

If BIL had been caught speeding should your DP have paid his fine?

or done for talking on his phone/being drunk/no insurance etc..?

He parked illegally...his fault...his fine.

ChristinedePizan Tue 26-Jul-11 22:36:28

grin TheMagnificent

Yes I agree - send them a cheque, then you have the moral high ground. Always critical in family spats

AgentZigzag Tue 26-Jul-11 22:37:03

I agree with your DH/MIL, they've not even had the balls to say anything to you so how can you even be involved in their little drama.

I wouldn't offer them the cash again, they had their chance and refused it, making a fuss about their choice afterwards isn't really cricket.

If it wasn't about the cash it'd just be about something else anyway.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 26-Jul-11 22:37:47

Yes, and what's even better - it'll REALLY piss them off but what can they say? What utter bastards to send us the money?

You win.

[childish me emoticon]
grin

Meow75 Tue 26-Jul-11 22:41:18

I agree with Reeling.

Presumably BIL parked where he did while your DH went into the computer shop. There was nothing to stop BIL then saying, "Right I'll go to XYZ car park. Meet me there or ring me when you are ready for me to pick you up."

The fact he left the car in a daft place like that, he deserves the ticket, IMO. Leave 'em to it.

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