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to be soo angry at Bil and Sil?

(9 Posts)
Moulesfrites Tue 26-Jul-11 21:02:38

Sorry for length in advance - this may be a long one!

My PiL are fairly wealthy and generous with it and we are very grateful for this. This week they have booked a holiday home in Scotland, and have invited their 3 sons and families to join them. They have actually done the same for the past couple of years, but this will be the first time we have joined them as I have been at work in the past and unable to take holiday, but am now on mat leave. DH is the oldest of the three. His younger brother and his wife have been on this holiday before, but the middle brother and his wife haven't - he took the huff last year because he felt he had not been invited, but this wasn't the case, and this year PIL have made a real effort to accommodate them, arranging for cots and highchairs and food etc for their 2dds.

Anyway, PIL have bailed this middle brother out on many occasions as he is always getting himself into states. He dropped out of uni, wrote off two cars, got into £7K credit card debt, then got his gf (now wife) accidentally pg when she was only 19. PIL paid for the cars so he didn't have to claim on the insurance, paid of his cc debt, and when he announced the pregnancy they bought him a house as they were renting a small flat at the time. PIL feel as if he only ever gets in touch when he wants something from them (although I realise some may say they are to blame by enabling this behaviour).

Recently, they asked PIL for money to send their eldest DD to nursery. SIL is a SAHM but they have another dd and they felt she wasn't getting enough attention. PIL have set up a fund for the dgc's education, but they felt that it would be better spent on schooling/uni fees so they refused BIL's request. BIL then informed PIL that they could not afford to come on the scottish holiday as they were cutting back in order to fund the nursery fee's themselves. (Fair enough, but PILs are paying for the holiday - the only thing to afford would be petrol) PIL feel as if this is a guilt trip for them refusing to fund nursery.

Anyway, on facebook this week, SIL has been bragging about how many shopping trips they have been on, how she has a new car with a private reg, and how they have all been to one theme park this weekend and are going to another one next weekend. Now, I know what they do and how they spend their money is down to them, but MIL is on fb and I know how upset she will be to read this having been told they are "cutting back" - this is simply a lie!! DH is foaming tonight and really wants to say something, but doesn't want to cause a rift. WWYD? AIBU to think this is horrible of them?

squeakytoy Tue 26-Jul-11 21:05:28

I would bet your MIL already knows exactly what they are like, and isnt too surprised by it.

Best not to say anything though, or it will be a very uncomfortable holiday.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 26-Jul-11 21:05:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emsyj Tue 26-Jul-11 21:05:55

I would stay. the. fuck. out. of. it.

I speak from experience - don't get involved between ILs and their other children. You will come out smelling of shit and end up being the bad guy.

Smile. Say nothing. If anyone says anything unpleasant to you about any member of your DH's family, do not agree with them or pass comment, just change the subject.

Seriously.

reelingintheyears Tue 26-Jul-11 21:10:05

Keep out of it...

It really isn't your business.

I appreciate that it's upsetting but.......

Moulesfrites Tue 26-Jul-11 21:27:52

I know I know, I would never say anything, although MIL does rant to me about it all the time which makes me feel slightly uncomfortable...

But DH, otoh, is keen to say something now, he feels it has been festering and causing simmering resentment for ages. It would be ok for him to raise it, wouldn't it - it's family after all?

squeakytoy Tue 26-Jul-11 21:29:21

It is fine for him to say something to his own brother, but you have to stay out of it, or it will just end up with everyone piling in and a huge family fall out that could last for years... I have seen it happen in our family sad

Indaba Thu 28-Jul-11 00:39:26

I'd stay out of in-law fighting...other peoples family's are weird....period.

pictish Thu 28-Jul-11 00:46:26

Am with those who advise staying well out.

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