To think there is nothing more pathetic than a man who

[emkana]

is jealous of the attention his partner give to their children.

My brother being a case in point.

[bubblesincoffee]

YANBU. Men like this tend to be very child like in other ways as well. And really not very manly.

[GeorgeWeasleysGirl]

It's worse when women are like it. Especially when they end the relationship over it and refuse the guy access to the kids purely because he loved the kids more...

[AgentZigzag]

YANBU, it's horrible and very immature.

You'd think they'd be happy the childrens mum loves their children.

[QueenOfFeckingEverything]

YANBU.

Oh, actually, there is the man who is jealous of his breastfed baby. I think he is an even sorrier specimen.

[IvyAndGold]

YANBU. Never ever understood it, just doesn't make any sense to me!

[akaemmafrost]

It is not exactly the same but this thread reminded me that my ex MIL wouldn't take her kids for days out when they were small because "its not fair on Dad", Yes, FIL used to piss and moan if MIL took their kids for days out during the school holidays because he had to work to pay for the days out but not get to go on them, WTF?

[BerryLellow]

YANBU, needy twats.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

I dunno, it depends on whether he is being frozen out because his partner no longer has any time for him.

I wouldn't be happy if DH loved our daughters more than he loved me, and if he made me feel second best to them.

Similarly, I still have plenty of love, affection and attention for him, just not as much time as I used to.

The children get most of our time and attention now, but we are still kind and attentive to each other. If DH felt ignored or pushed out, or like I loved the girls more than him (I don't) I would be sad for him and I would change my behaviour that made him feel that way.

But he is Mr Secure-Mature-Rational, so if he complained if an issue around this I would take it seriously.

I think parents who don't look after their marriage do their children a disservice, and that can include having no interest in your husband once your children come along.

[diggingintheribs]

how about when arranging baby's first birthday

'i'm happy you've done such a nice party but it really upsets me that you never put this much effort in for my birthday'

[Ormirian]

YANBU.

Utterly pathetic.

[AgentZigzag]

Does it come down to that SCOTT? Because I love my children more than I love DH and that's fine by him, I hope he feels the same.

Sometimes after you've had a baby though you just haven't got it in you to attend to someone elses extensive needs, (especially if they're a fucking adult and can sort themselves out) so it's not a case of just being able to change your behaviour, because you can't.

A one off 'I'm feeling a bit low and need some attention' though is very different from ' All you ever think about is the children, what about meeeeeee'.

[AgentZigzag]

Is that what your DH/P said digging?

[woollyideas]

YANBU. My ex husband complained about this. I pointed out that I'd have more time for him if he took on some of the babycare - you know, if he SHARED responsibility.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

To me it seems weird to love one person in a family more or less than the others.

The love DH and I have for each other is the basis on which the family is built. It would bother me if that became the least important relationship post-children.

And there's always time and energy to be kind to someone you love, even if it's just letting them know to wake you up if they can't manage to latch the baby on.

PMSL @ "you didn't make that much effort for my birthday" :o

Any grown up unembarrassed to compete with a child for birthday treats is beyond me.

[valiumredhead]

Very childish. Was discussing this with dh the other day and he is horrified that some men are like this - we were talking about a comment made at his work about a dad felling left out and jealous. Dh's response was 'get over your self'

I fell in love with him all over again

[BimboNo5]

I find it very bizzare that some people say they DONT love their kids more than their DH

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

What if he was being left out?

Are his feelings invalid, even if he is being ignored when he gets home?

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

Ya, so bizarre not to have a pissing contest between my children and my husband about who matters most

I love them all. I don't have a finite amount of love to be parcelled out. My love for DH doesn't mean I love my daughters any less.

[Ormirian]

Because parenting children is a joint enterprise for the benefit of both parents. And that takes a huge amount of energy and commitment. Which leaves less for each adult. Which is normal and to any mature adult totally acceptable. If one parent is being horrible and unloving to the other one a permanent basis I can unerstand them being upset, but otherwise not.

[AgentZigzag]

To me it's-

tiny vulnerable baby vs grown adult

I wouldn't give a fuck whether they were feeling 'left out' or not.

If they're so insensitive/thick to not understand a baby has needs that have to fulfilled, and fulfilling them can take all the mums energy, then I'd be rethinking the relationship if they were so selfish to heap on more pressure at such a time.

[onebigchocolatemess]

diggintheribs truly shocking! Did you lamp him one??

[motherinferior]

Wot Orm said.

But then I don't really get this idea of The Relationship as a separate entity to be tended to. In my (admittedly quite odd) version of reality, my partner is kind of...there. Present. Perfectly lovely in his own Special Way. But the kids take up most of my headspace.

[pregnantpause]

Bit different but my mother was very VERY jealous of my relationship with my dad. She once accused me of getting into trouble just to 'steal more of your fathers attention' outrageous. Now that I am a parent I find watching my dh with my dds a pleasure, there is no more heart warming a sight than your family playing together, i bask in their shared love. I hope dh feels this way too.

[valiumredhead]

Agent that's pretty much what my dh said.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

I think as soon as you're thinking of family members' interests as being in opposition to each other, you're approaching it wrong.

It's never "tiny baby v grown up" (unless your husband is demanding equal time at the breast/competing over who had the best party).

Having a new baby is not an excuse for ignoring or sidelining the other parent - it's something you do together, if you do it well.

But that requires buy in from both partners. Someone already mentioned being too tired (and probably pissed off) because she was left to do all the work. Well, someone who won't do their share is being unkind. They won't get as much attention because the love for them will wane (entirely understandably).