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if your children are staying away do you want them to miss you?

(15 Posts)
youbethemummylion Tue 26-Jul-11 17:04:54

If your children are away staying with relatives for a few days would you want them to miss you?

I think no because if they are not missing you that means they are happy and busy and all their needs being met.

My friend says she would want her children to miss her, as it would show they prefer her over the relatives they are staying with i.e. have more fun with her, she cooks better food etc.

What do you all think?

AgentZigzag Tue 26-Jul-11 17:07:51

Good question grin

Mostly not to miss me, but a tiny part of you wants to be reassured your 'baby' still needs their mum.

OrangeHat Tue 26-Jul-11 17:20:49

I say no, I wouldn't want them to miss me. I don't want them to miss me when they separate for anything - I want them to be carefree and have a good time.

If your friend means miss her as in a little bit then that's OK, if she wants them to be homesick then that's a bit mean!

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 26-Jul-11 17:23:28

When mine were young, I didn't want them to miss me as I just wanted them to have fun and be confident with other relatives.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 26-Jul-11 17:24:22

I'd like him to have a lovely time, not thinking or worrying about his old mum too much, and then give me a big hug when he returns. Not vain or needy enough to think that I should automatically trump relatives or other hosts. (Although bit miffed that he prefers his Granny's meat and potato pies from bloody Asda to my lovingly home made creations....)

Avantia Tue 26-Jul-11 17:28:11

No , nothing worse than being away from your Mum and missing her - been there done that as a child - would not want to inflict it on my children.

ragged Tue 26-Jul-11 17:34:06


HairyJo Tue 26-Jul-11 17:36:25

No I think if your child can cope a few days without missing then you have raised a confident, happy child. I don't think it's sign that they don't like you more just because they aren't missing you.

FilthyDirtyHeathen Tue 26-Jul-11 17:44:43

No, of course not. You gotta let go. I do hope your friend isn't being deadly serious.

CurrySpice Tue 26-Jul-11 17:46:12

Definitley not miss me. I get a bit rolly eyed about things like this. It's like people seem to want to prove that their kids love them more than yours love you iykwim hmm

Ragwort Tue 26-Jul-11 17:48:34

No, absolutely not - I am delighted that my DS is a happy, confident independent individual. I have always said (sorry if this sounds morbid) - 'how would DS cope if I died?' - my aim is to raise a child that can live independently from me and DH.

I do think some parents are much more 'needy' about their children than the children themselves grin.

grovel Tue 26-Jul-11 17:49:59


Thingsfallapart Tue 26-Jul-11 17:50:23

What Avantia said.

bubblesincoffee Tue 26-Jul-11 17:53:22

No. What HairyJo said

muriel76 Tue 26-Jul-11 17:55:20

No definitely not!

Have a son away at cub camp at the moment and I just want him to be happy and enjoy himself with his friends without giving home a second thought.

A long time ago, when I was a nanny, the grandma of the kids I looked after was a retired teacher. She always said that the children who were homesick/upset on school trips were the ones who had unhappy home lives.

She said that instead of being glad to be getting away (as you might assume), they would be longing to be at home to check everything was alright and would be worrying about what rows/fall-outs were happening that they did not know about and would have to face on their return.

This really struck a chord with me due to my own upbringing and has coloured my view on homesickness ever since. I'm not saying it is a hard and fast rule BTW before I get flamed!!

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