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To wonder what constitutes being posh?

(181 Posts)
BumWiper Tue 26-Jul-11 11:39:39

Because having an au pair seems to be considered posh.I have one out of need,not out of choice.
DC2 has SN and health problems which could very well mean a midnight ambulance trip (already once this week and its only Tuesday),so by having an AP it means precious time is not wasted in getting a babysitter,as DH travels a lot.Also there are many appointments,so it means I can go and not have the other children distracting me or annoying anyone.

But no,to others I have an AP because I'm posh.

More of a rant than AIBU.

squeakytoy Tue 26-Jul-11 11:44:10

I wouldnt say posh, it just means you have more money than those who are not able to afford an au pair.

That is your business though, and nobody elses.

Tanif Tue 26-Jul-11 11:45:16

I don't think people presume that actually having an au pair is in itself a sign of being posh. They probably assume that only posh people would have enough money to hire an au pair.

BumWiper Tue 26-Jul-11 11:47:20

But having money and being posh are seperate things.Posh implies being a bit snobby and that is one thing I certainly am not.

Tanif Tue 26-Jul-11 11:48:34

I agree with you, they're not the same thing. But sometimes people (usually those that are jealous and would love to have a bit of money to have an au pair help them deal with their brood) lump the two together.

AMumInScotland Tue 26-Jul-11 11:50:25

"Being posh" = "Doing something I have never even considered doing" - that might be eating with a knife and fork, having an Au Pair, going to a polo match, almost anything really!

Don't worry about it - anyone who judges you, if they have any idea of your situation, is simply an idiot and not worth worrying about.

BumWiper Tue 26-Jul-11 11:51:30

Maybe they think Im a lady of leisure.

[pissing-myself-laughing emoticon]

BumWiper Tue 26-Jul-11 11:53:16

True AMum.Difficult to ignore the passive snide comments though.

CaptainNancy Tue 26-Jul-11 11:54:27

I think having an au pair is very mc, rather than posh. (and only mc with a large enough house, obviously)
Surely uc people would have a nanny?

I dont see posh people as snobby necessarily- plenty of snobby people are not in the least bit posh IYSWIM!

BumWiper Tue 26-Jul-11 11:56:29

Um what does mc and uc mean?

nojustificationneeded Tue 26-Jul-11 11:59:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iloveroses Tue 26-Jul-11 11:59:51

mc = middle class, uc = upper class ?

nojustificationneeded Tue 26-Jul-11 12:01:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cookcleanerchaufferetc Tue 26-Jul-11 12:03:12

Middle class and upper class.

It is your choice, your money, and your priority. Bugger anyone who gets arsey about you having an au pair.

I spoke to a "friend" this morning who was "ooh, get you" about our forthcoming holiday, obviously trying to establish how we can afford it, why we live in a small house (but nice area!), and anaylsing it. It has fuck all to do with her where we go. Some people just cant say that's nice I(and bitch behind your back to husbands!). Her priority is going out with DH lots to pub and concerts (several times a week to pub) and ours is decent holidays.

Feel for you though OP, having to have an au pair due to your kid's illness. Hope he/she is okay.

Whatmeworry Tue 26-Jul-11 12:03:43

We had au pairs, they are very cheap actually, so long as you have a room for them. Posh people would have governesses anyway, or the DC would be at boarding school.

Jajas Tue 26-Jul-11 12:05:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nojustificationneeded Tue 26-Jul-11 12:05:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairExtensions Tue 26-Jul-11 12:08:15

I had AP for several years. Like you op, because I had to although I did enjoy having them here most of the time.

And I am not posh, snobby or middle class. Very far from any of those things.

Let people think what they want and ignore them!

BumWiper Tue 26-Jul-11 12:08:58

Ah see no class system in Ireland.We have broke,struggling and bankers.

Cookcleaner DC will improve hopefully but never get better.But she is amazing and an inspiration and has taught us more than we could ever learn.

Cheria Tue 26-Jul-11 12:09:18

It is not posh to have an au pair - as someone above said they are far cheaper than other types of childcare, as long as you have the space. I would love an au pair, and I am not rich at all, but over here they need to have their own bathroom, and we have only got one bathroom. And I am not posh, or rich or snobby.

But having been an au pair I think it can (but isn't always) a good solution for parents, child, and au pair.

northerngirl41 Tue 26-Jul-11 12:14:51

I'm with Cheria - depending on how much childcare you need, having an au pair can be much cheaper than say nursery + babysitters. Plus it's one-on-one care rather than shared between say 3-4 children at nursery. We had one for a while (well more of a nanny as she was English!) and it was an absolute lifesaver.

BumWiper Tue 26-Jul-11 12:15:51

My DC love Nadya our AP and she in turn,loves them.We did an attic converstion of a bedroom,en suite,and kitchenette.
We have done AP sharing which meant she lived in one house but only worked 3 days and came to us for two.

Insomnia11 Tue 26-Jul-11 12:27:20

I think it's posh yes, but I don't think posh is necessarily derogatory! If you can afford the extra help, and have the space, why not.

LRDTheFeministDragon Tue 26-Jul-11 12:28:33

Oh, don't worry about it. It's human nature, people will always be looking at each other's lives and trying to work out who has most. Round here my neighbour jokingly calls DH posh because he goes to work in a shirt and tie, but five minutes the other way down the road here are houses with four stories and our landlady there thinks she is a bit bohemian because they drive an old Merc, not a shiny new one.

If you don't act snobby, either they are saying it out of thoughtlessness and would be ashamed if they realized your reasons, or they are not very nice people and not worth your time.

Dawnybabe Tue 26-Jul-11 12:29:20

Next time someone passes judgement and simpers 'ooh aren't you posh?' just smile and say 'not really but I am rich' and walk away. wink

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