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To tell DS that he has to stay in his room from 9pm onwards?

(45 Posts)
LoweredBrow Tue 26-Jul-11 08:21:43

During the holidays I let DS(10) stay up until more or less whatever time he wants (this stops two weeks before they go back to school to get him into a routine again). But the deal is he has to be quiet and not disturb others.
The thing is he has got into the habit of hanging around the living room and trying to watch movies with me. The movies I save for late on a night are usually 18s or adulty 15s and if DS is in the room I have to keep pausing them or actually turning them off. I now have 8 18c movies on my sky planner because I'm not getting chance to watch them.

I've explained to DS that after 9pm it's "my" time and I'd like to watch the TV in peace but he keeps on making excuses to walk in and out of the living room.

I know "he lives here too" and "its his house too" but AIBU to want the living room to myself after 9pm?

LoweredBrow Tue 26-Jul-11 08:22:58

Just to add I do make a point of watching a suitable movie with DS each evening too before 9pm.

ZZZenAgain Tue 26-Jul-11 08:24:34

maybe you have to go back to his regular term time bedtime if you want to watch adult films in peace after 9pm.

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Jul-11 08:25:21

I think you need to say that since he isn't old enough to follow the rule, he isn't old enough to stay up late. I don't think it's wise not giving him a bedtime at the age of ten, btw. I doubt he's sensible enough to know when he's tired (if he's anything like mine were, anyway!)

I can see why he wants the company, but you're not being unreasonable wanting to do your own thing, either.

HowToLookGoodGlaikit Tue 26-Jul-11 08:26:05

My kids have to stay in their room from 8pm (they are 9 and 11). They can watch TV til 9pm, read/play DS etc, but they do have to be in their rooms.

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Jul-11 08:26:36

What are you expecting him to do in his own room? Read? Does he enjoy reading a lot? Does he watch a lot of films or go online?

Btw, he's probably seen all those films if they're in your planner!

Changing2011 Tue 26-Jul-11 08:27:12

How much time do you have on youR hands watching two movies a day? Jealous!

Yanbu. Has he got a tv in another room he can watch DVDs on? Or some books or games in his room to keep him amused. Ten year olds do not get the run of the house after 9pm.

Martha85 Tue 26-Jul-11 08:27:31

Save the movies for when he goes back to school? I think if you tell him to stay in his room it will make make him more determined to come out of it.

Ds1 is 10, and ds2 is 8. They both have to be in their rooms by 9pm but are allowed to read until they fall asleep. If they kept getting up, it'd be back to strict lights out times I think.

I think you are BU. It must be pretty confusing for him, he is quite young to have such loose rules I think. How about saying that his bedtime is the same, or half an hour later than normal but that he can read in his room for an hour until 'lights out' if he wants to?
Added bonus is that if he is tired then he will likely fall asleep, which won't happen if he is roaming the house.

TeamDamon Tue 26-Jul-11 08:36:02

Wow - two films an evening? I think you AND he need to watch less TV grin

I don't understand why he doesn't have a bedtime just because it's the holidays, tbh - DS is 8 and still goes to bed at his usual time because otherwise he'd be shattered. You could put it back by half an hour and then say he can read for half an hour in bed?

Groovee Tue 26-Jul-11 08:43:27

Dd is 11 and doesn't seem to get this giving us space. I like her in her room by 9pm especially as this week she's at drama camp all week and is shattered from it. But getting her to understand that she needs to stay in her room is like smashing my head off a brick wall. But I do think adults need space and therefore children should have bedtimes.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 26-Jul-11 08:46:33

In the summer holidays I let my 9 and 11 year olds stay up later, so long as they are in their room at 9pm. They can then read or play a game/watch a film, but they are not allowed into the living room because that is adult time.

OP, you are entitled to have some time to yourself, to watch adult films and if your child can't respect the rule, then I think it is time to go back to a proper bedtime, holiday or not. it's actually very rude of him to say 'he lives there too.' What he is saying with that statement is that he views his opinions as of equal importance to yours. it's disrespectful and I think you need to reel him back in a bit. You are the parent and you get to set the rules. You have been more than fair and he is taking the piss a bit now.

Time to get stricter, I think.

Step Tue 26-Jul-11 08:51:56

Got a ten and 12 year old. 10 year old gets mega grumpy if he's not in bed by nine. We would never let him pick his own bed time. However he is incredibly active and is involved with sport every day, he watches virtually no TV. Maybe less TV more sport is the answer?

theredhen Tue 26-Jul-11 09:17:09

YANBU. If the rules mean he is allowed to stay up later, then he has to be in his room at 9pm. If not, he goes back to having a strict bedtime. Don't just threaten it though, be prepared to do it.

I see having a bedtime as important though, school time or holiday time.

Baileysismyfriend Tue 26-Jul-11 09:34:11

I think you are being a bit U, its probably quite dull to be confined to his bedroom, my DD is 12 and if she is staying up then we just have to watch more suitable programmes its really not that big a deal. I think its a bit harsh to banish him to his room so you can watch TV all night on your own.

What will you do when he is 15 and still cant watch 18 films, will he still be told the living room is off limits???

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Jul-11 12:07:04

But Bailey, are you saying she has to wait eight more years before she can watch a film she enjoys? She is not a child.

I'm sure she gives him space, when his friends are around, for example. He should do the same for her.

CustardCake Tue 26-Jul-11 12:23:40

My DS is actually a bit older than yours but still has a bedtime in the holidays. Obviously bedtime in the holidays is later than term time bedtime but equally he isn't allowed to stay up all night with us. I don't think that makes us mean parents. He is included in everything we do when he is up but I don't want to be staying up until midnight just to get an hour or two of adult time and I do think its important for me and DH to have some time everyday to talk openly and relax and do our own thing.

Baileysismyfriend Tue 26-Jul-11 14:08:43

Of course she doesn't have to wait 8 more years, I don't see why she has to watch an adult film every night during the holidays? Surely she can watch them during term time when he doesn go to bed earlier, I really don't see why its such a big sacrifice.

It is important to have adult time but I think parents also need to expect that when children get older they are going to be around more so there will be less adult time, unless you banish them to their bedrooms all the time then its something you will have to accept.

I have a 12 year old DD and 2 year old DS so at the moment we have the worst of both worlds, early starts with one and later bedtimes with the other but we just get on with it.

valiumredhead Tue 26-Jul-11 14:12:53

Ds is 10 and he has to be in his room form roughly 8.30 - 9pm onwards in the holidays. He's not got a telly in his room so he can play or read - he loves to read so he snuggles down with a book.

In term time we aim for an 8 pm bedtime and 8.30 being the latest lights go out or he is tired the next day for school.

valiumredhead Tue 26-Jul-11 14:13:52

well, ds has got a telly but it's broken - am putting off fixing it as not over keen on him hiding away up there.

ImperialBlether Tue 26-Jul-11 14:32:26

I understood the OP to be a single mum, in that she only refers to herself in the thread. If that's the case, maybe that's her night's entertainment - most single mum's don't have anyone to chat to in the evenings and she wants to watch the film. She is not being unreasonable!

Atwaroverscrabble Tue 26-Jul-11 14:44:00

Ds knows he's not allowed to disturb us downstairs after 9pm, he's 12 this week...he tries it on occasionally but the threat of an 8:30 bedtime the next day works!

He's not a grown up, he's a child and we need space from kids after 9pm!

However, dsd (16) is moving in next month so not sure how that'll work out.......

AgentZigzag Tue 26-Jul-11 14:48:26

We do this with our 10 YO as well, if she doesn't like it, tough grin

She can let her own DC make the rules for staying up if she likes, but somehow I think not.

valiumredhead Tue 26-Jul-11 14:56:34

He's not a grown up, he's a child and we need space from kids after 9pm!

YY! grin

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