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AIBU? Or is my DH?

(76 Posts)
HyssopBlue Mon 25-Jul-11 23:57:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.


Message withdrawn

purplepidjin Tue 26-Jul-11 00:05:37

They were both BU for having the discussion in front of the entire family!

BIL should have stuck to any previous arrangement. However if she's planning sit on her arse watching TV once the kids are in bed, why shouldn't he spend time with the rest of the family? It's not like he's down the pub or out with another woman hmm

But then, DP and I are wierd - he moved to be with me, I work alternate weekends, so I pack him off up to SIL on the ones I work and seethe with jealousy that i'm stuck here when he's spending time with her dcs

HyssopBlue Tue 26-Jul-11 00:09:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyCandles Tue 26-Jul-11 00:10:36

I would reserve judgement on this. On the face of it, SIL should have let BIL return to the BBQ. But when I was feeling run down, exhausted, and depressed looking after young dc (you say dc plural age 3 - twins?) I would not have wanted to be left alone on the pretext that I was resting. Because being left alone with the dc, even if they were asleep, is still being on duty, while he gets to go back out and have fun. Yes, it's a bit dog-in-the-manger, but that's how it feels at times, and sometimes the only way to feel safe when depressed is to try to control everything.

So, no, I wouldn't judge her because I don't know why she is so controlling.

worraliberty Tue 26-Jul-11 00:12:28

You don't know what's gone on between them in private really

I don't agree with 'they agreed 6pm so it has to be written in stone' and I couldn't live with a partner who had those 'rules'

Having said that, for all you know a similar thing could have happened in reverse not so long ago and perhaps he insisted she came home from something she was enjoying.

Always best to stay out of private relationship arguments IME

HampstersDontSwim Tue 26-Jul-11 00:13:51

BIL is a total wuss and was trying to make SIL out to be a twat.

I hate this as have been on the receiving end of it.

He agreed to go home with her so should have stuck to it.
I fucking hate blokes who pull this shit.
They are his DC and why should he get to party whilst his wife stays home?!

HyssopBlue Tue 26-Jul-11 00:15:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HyssopBlue Tue 26-Jul-11 00:17:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplepidjin Tue 26-Jul-11 00:17:42

Hamsters, because she had made it clear that she wanted to leave. If the BIL had wanted to leave, and the SIL stay, then I would have exactly the same opinion! (based on the available information)

As I read it, partner A was forcing partner B to do what partner A wanted by embarrassing them in front of family and friends. Gender seems pretty irrelevant confused

prudaloo Tue 26-Jul-11 00:18:14

He should stick to the arrangement. If she wanted to stay longer, and he agreed, then that's fine, but he should not put her in the position he did. Being left at home is not the same at all. With (presumably) twins to cope with, she has a right to his help. He should back her up. Just my opinion, of course.

HampstersDontSwim Tue 26-Jul-11 00:18:50

Why did BIL need help from his family to look after his own DC?

HyssopBlue Tue 26-Jul-11 00:20:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prudaloo Tue 26-Jul-11 00:20:35

Ahh-, now you mention the holiday....

HampstersDontSwim Tue 26-Jul-11 00:22:59

Still shitty of him to act like an arse with her over somthing they had agreed

HyssopBlue Tue 26-Jul-11 00:25:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry Tue 26-Jul-11 00:27:06

Given the holiday, SIL does seem to be a bit U.....

worraliberty Tue 26-Jul-11 00:27:35

Jesus live isn't always black and white

Loads of times I've thought I'd just stop somewhere for a certain amount of time..then started to enjoy myself.

If she wanted to go home with the 3yr olds and he offered to go and help settle them and then go back, what's her problem? She's his wife, not his mother confused

purplepidjin Tue 26-Jul-11 00:28:24

Yes, but surely just as shitty of her to make a public confrontation about it? Especially as it appears she was doing it simply because she knows he would feel embarrassed and therefore do what she wants?

As I said, he should have stuck to the agreement - I hate it when I'm expecting to leave a situation at a certain time and then can't for whatever reason - however, she doesn't appear to have a vaild reason to keep him at home when he wanted to be with his family. TBH, the discussion would have been better had in the car, in private!

HyssopBlue Tue 26-Jul-11 00:28:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry Tue 26-Jul-11 00:32:12

Hyssop the more you tell us about her the more of a manipulative little twunt pill she seems TBH

HampstersDontSwim Tue 26-Jul-11 00:33:08

So you didnt really 'take her side'.

Are you just looking for people to slag her off?

What did you want from this thread?

LesserOfTwoWeevils Tue 26-Jul-11 00:35:25

Why does he get gold stars for looking after his own children for a week? With help? confused

SiamoFottuti Tue 26-Jul-11 00:39:21

I think its none of your business and you shouldn't even be discussing who is wrong or right when you only have half a story.

HampstersDontSwim Tue 26-Jul-11 00:40:20

Yes LesserOfTwoWeevils exactly.

Are you the poor bloke?

expectet to take equal responsability for your DC?! -Shocking!!

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