For not wanting to go because I'm annoyed

[xkatyx]

Hi everyone,

Appologies this is long

Me and my friend were pregnant same time her baby is 4 months younger than mine.

Few days after having my baby she asked to borrow my maternity clothes, coats, Doppler. And some love but rather expensive dresses and small heel shoes.

I happily sorted them out for her that day and passed them on.

Fast forward 4 months when she has her baby and I found out I was pregnant again after not really getting rid of my baby bulge and finding out I was having TWINS I already looked pregnant!

So about 3 weeks after baby was born I asked her for my maternity clothes back and all others and I didn't want to buy bigger clothes to cover my flabby tum.

She said she was far to busy with the baby to sort anything out and also asked me why do I want it back?! So I basically replied what I said above that all my maternity stuff were long tops and perfect to cover the flabby tum.

Fast forward to last week 4 months on proper pregnant tummy and no clothes also have 3 social events comming up and really wanted my dresses back, so again I asked for them back ( have been asking atleast twice a month)

She said she was to busy as they were going away for a week.

To which I replied I need them and want them back.

Went to pick them up Thursday thinking brilliant sorted to only find my dresses coat shoes Doppler missing.

Again I asked for my stuff told her I'll be back around later and she wasn't in!
I got so annoyed she got a snotty text and said to come over again and she will get it.

So I did!!! When I got home my dress was wrapped around my shoes and all the lace was torn on it, shoes had chewing gum all over it and was stuck to another dress, Doppler with no gel! And my coat the cost a fortune covered in bleach!!

I tried calling no reply so I sent a text saying how pissed off I was etc! She said she wanted to try and fix it etc.

I have just about had it to be honest and she has her sons christening soon ands I really don't want to go but can't get out of it!!!

So annoyed

Sorry for the long post

WWYD?

[TheMagnificentBathykolpian]

I'd ask her to replace the items.

Fair wear and tear is one thing, you would be unreasonable to expect to get them back in exactly the same condition, but ruining them is not on.

[EssexGurl]

Sorry but the moral of the story is never "lend" anything that you think you might need back in future.

[scurryfunge]

She sounds spineless but if you want to continue the friendship, you need to resolve the matter. Do you think she thought the items were a gift?
You could ask her to contribute to replacing the items but it would probably be the end of the friendship.

[natandjacob]

i would go no matter how pissed off i was, if you dont go she might think you cant be bothered with her anymore...an excuse to not bother replacing your clothes. dont drop it, you deserve some sort of replacement!

[sayithowitis]

I would insist that she replaced the ruined items.

And once she had done so, I would drop her. If it was clear that you were lending the items to her, then she had a responsibility to ensure they were properly cared for and to put right any damage that happened during the time they were in her care

As TMB says, reasonable wear and tear is one thing, but it sounds as though she has held a party in your clothes!

Depending how soon the Christening is, I am not sure I would go tbh. Definitely not if she has replaced the clothes/re-imbursed you for them.

[xkatyx]

Yes it was very clear I lent them too her. I said to her when she was done with them send them back. Obviously never expected to need them this quick.

I think the friendship has really taken a horrible turn. She said some pretty mean stuff about me when I found out I was pregnant.

I think the reasson I'm so angry is she is given everything doesn't really stand in her own 2 feet her mum pays for food shopping clothes etc and that's one of the reason I think she has no respect for others stuff.

When we were both pregnant we had a brilliant friendship and when I got my baby christened she was her godmother the problem is she then asked me once her baby born could I be god parent .. I go walt have only seen her twice in 4 months (apart from picking clothes up) and I know her partner doesn't want me to be god parent as he wanted his sister which I think is reasonable.

It's just so akward. The friendship isn't at all what it was, I know she isn't happy with me because I kept on at her about these clothes and I'm obviously annoyed about the above!!

I just dont know what to do.

As for paying for the clothes I will defenetly will be asking for a replacement of some sort, as Maternity is so expensive these days.

[xkatyx]

Also forgot to mention I gave her alot of stuff I never opened/used breast pump breast pads bottles nappies and bottle earners, slippers I never used fr hospital I said to her to keep them.

But when she didn't use the breast pump I said I would have that back as twins mist prob will be early (last baby was ) and I will exspress etc whist in ITC id they needed it.

She said sure I put it with rest of stuff!!

I caught her trying to sell it on Internet!

[natandjacob]

if she is saying horrible things to you and ruining your clothes is she really worth being friends with? its sad when good relationships break down but a good friend would not do that to you.

good luck with your twins!!

[starfishmummy]

I suspect you will have to chalk this up to experience as I have no idea how you are going to get her to replace the stuff/repay you without having more trouble on your hands.

[ENormaSnob]

Drop the sponging cunt.

[xkatyx]

Thank u. I also think it is going to be trouble and also agree that this friendship has run it's course. She doesn't seam to to think much about and said sorry.

I just don't know how to go about basically saying giving me the money for my stuff and I dont want to come to the christening! Without being so blunt and basically causing a massive argument.

[squeakytoy]

She is no friend. She is a taker and a ponce. You are better off just marking it down to experience and considering the friendship over. Its a shame to lose friends, but I dont think you are really losing a proper friend here.

[scurryfunge]

It will be difficult to recover any costs. You will have to be blunt because she appears to wilfully ignore any polite requests anyway.

Tell her you don't want to go to the christening because you have nothing to wear anymore

[xkatyx]

Lol that is a good one scruffyfringe!!

I'm gutted I loved my dresses and coat dam it!! I wouldn't mind if I didn't look like a fat lump already and have loads of weddings and christening coming up.

Also if she would of called and said "sorry I have managed to get bleach on your coat etc" it would of been ok but she knew I was ment to be wearin it this weekend and just gave it back with no mention. Luckily it was warm.

[Groovee]

If you do get a christening invite turn it down. Then don't lend things again.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I would be blunt and say to her that you are really upset that she ruined your things, wasn't honest with you and hasn't offered to pay you what they cost. I wouldn't worry about the fallout - she isn't worried about offending you.

I doubt that she will put this right, and if she doesn't, then she is making a very clear statement that she doesn't care enough about the friendship to try and make this up to you. She will be continuing to show a complete lack of respect for you and your property and you should cut your losses. Don't see her again.

A decent person takes extra care of someone else's things, not less.

[Lexilicious]

Oh that's a really bad experience and I'm sorry it looks like you're losing a friendship - even not a very good one.

I was lent a few nice clothes and a few basics by friends when I was pg. I also bought lots myself (I found ASOS was surprisingly good for maternity clothes). When I was finished with them (2 years ago) I put them all in a holdall, with the pregnancy yoga DVD and the Lloyds chemist tens machine, and passed them on to the next of our group to get pg. She used them, added to them, and passed them on again. The bag has just arrived back at another friend who isn't pg, but thinks that one or two of the others might be within about 6 months and would I mind if she gave the kit to them? But asked me if I was likely to be TTC again soon, and I said when I thought the earliest might be, she said she'd hang onto it in case I go first.

Not being smug, but that's how sharing should be. I didn't put everything in the bag by any means - there's a suit from Crave Maternity which I kept back, and a tankini from Mamas and Papas. But one of the mums before me put in a gorgeous pair of gold shot silk cropped trousers which she'd worn to a wedding. I didn't have a chance to wear them but they went on round the gang. And I think I also put in the Jojo Maman Bebe feeding tops which I couldn't get the hang of using.

Anyway, "pay it forward" I think is the phrase. Too bad your "friend" doesn't get it, and sorry this is how you've found out.