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to play cricket all wknd??

(37 Posts)
stansmomma Mon 25-Jul-11 14:32:31

we have a 13 month old, and my OH plays cricket every sat from 10am untill 8-30pm! he works monday-friday but has wknds off, AIBU to think that it is unfair to both me and the baby that every sat he takes off to do his own thing leaving me alone with the baby, which by the way i do everyday. he also goes cricket training every thurs from 6pm till 8pm and goes on a tues nite to pick the team for the following sat? some wknds its sat and sun, and its also on all the bankhols, we've recently fallen out big time because i can never arrange anything on a sat with my own friends until he's back and i'm absolutely sick of being nothing more than a mother-cook-cleaner-babysitter! and before you say didn't i know this before we had a child...NO! we split when i was 10wk pregnant (my choice) we'd only just met and although i wanted my baby, i wasn't sure about OH! anyway, got back together when DS was 6 months old and the cricket season only started in april. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? he's takin the p**s right?

LadyThumb Mon 25-Jul-11 14:36:52

In effect he is only playing one day a week, Sat, and Bank Holidays. Why can't you have Sunday off?

LesserOfTwoWeevils Mon 25-Jul-11 14:37:16

I don't think he is, sorry. That's how cricket is. And at least it's not all year round.
Do you get me time? Can you arrange to have a couple of evenings to yourself during the week? Can't you see your friends or family with the baby at weekends, or get a babysitter?

cricketballs Mon 25-Jul-11 14:41:38

when you said you split when you were 10 wks pregnant; had you not known him the summer before? Although I understand that this sport does create a lifestyle (I am a cricket mum!) it is not one that usually just appears from nowhere.
Rather than fighting it; have you tried to embress it? Every cricket club I have visited/been apart of have their own family so to speak. There are always partners/mums/kids etc at the club every saturday either helping or just watching. It is a very sociable sport for the whole family and you might actually start to enjoy it....

dickiedavisthunderthighs Mon 25-Jul-11 14:41:59

I'm a cricket widow and that's just how it is - nets twice a week and a game on a Saturday. It's only 4 months a year, it'll all be over by end August.

Why can't you make arrangements with your friends? Just tell him he needs to be back for a certain time, say 8.30 so you can go out, and he can make sure he bats first/bowls first so that if he needs to leave earlier then he can.

cricketballs Mon 25-Jul-11 14:42:17

sorry just read that you had only just met

stansmomma Mon 25-Jul-11 15:15:21

yes i went down with DS a few times, it was totally boring for both of us really, me and DS. and nobody spoke to us either, sport is not my thing at all. and i wouldn't mind him being there all day if we didn't have the baby. but we do. and i've had to change everything about my life to fit in with being a good mother, and he's not changed anything. his social life and hobbies are the same, mine are non existant or i take the baby along too. and as a mum surely you understand having lunch with a bunch of friends is not the same when you've got the little one crying, needing feeding, changing etc. and on the odd occasion he's had the baby himself on a sunday (twice) guess where he took him.....the cricketclub!

stansmomma Mon 25-Jul-11 15:22:36

well he told me 6 months a year, april till sept and to be honest, when i've been looking after DS all wk on my own the last thing i want to do is go sit and watch him play his sport! i'd much rather do something fun for DS. he's 13 months old and the world is a play ground. he doesn't want to sit in a field watching his dad from afar, he wants to be in his arms swinging around and being silly.....or is that me???? god i sound miserable. who am i???

stansmomma Mon 25-Jul-11 15:26:31

do you mean sunday off from DS? if so, i have twice but i like to do things as a family on a sunday, it wouldn't be great for DS to have only me on a sat and only him on a sunday would it? its like we're seperated! oh now there's an idea!!!! ha

pebbles1234 Mon 25-Jul-11 15:29:03

I'm a cricket widow too, and, although I am used to him playing it does bother me sometimes, and definetly used to more when I was at home on my own during the week....but I also see how much he gets out of it, and most weekends its only one day so there is still another day for family time (or for you to escape) and he'll be in a much better mood! Maybe if you could meet some of the other wives/mums you might feel differently, cricket is often a real family event and if you can all sit together and have a glass of wine it might not seem so dull! I've pretty much had to get used to it - and my little boy is showing signs of interest already and he's only 14mths!

LaurieFairyCake Mon 25-Jul-11 15:31:08

sorry, Yabu - there are two days in a weekend, it will do your kid no harm to go down the cricket with his dad on Sunday while you relax.

I suggest you do 'family' activities the other 8 months of the year.

My dh plays cricket on a Saturday, it's good for him, good exercise, good for the community. On Sunday he does all the hoovering, putting the washing away, ironing and running round after dd while I go in the bath or meet a friend for lunch. During the week he does cricket nets one night and another night I go to an exercise class.

Callisto Mon 25-Jul-11 15:38:23

Perhaps if you go to the club expecting to enjoy it and meet people, you actually will enjoy it and meet people. Most sporting clubs are very child/family friendly. You will soon make friends if you have the right attitude.

PonceyMcPonce Mon 25-Jul-11 15:43:16

No I agree it is bollocks. It is not only one day, it somehow takes over the entire weekend. If op takes Sunday to herself then they never have any couple time.

Dh was doing this and commuting to play about an hour each way.

When I pointed this out, dh grudgingly agreed to play every other weekend (so a full 25 pc of non working days). This suited a lot of others with small children and we sort of lead they way.

Then I was not bitter and knackered and started to participate and made some stonking teas.

PonceyMcPonce Mon 25-Jul-11 15:44:16

No fun at all entertaining and controlling a toddler for ten hours in a field with a risk of him getting clumped. Fab when they are older though and don't need mum too.

stansmomma Mon 25-Jul-11 15:44:31

lets just say your life sounds lovely! he does all that on a sunday? i do all that on my "relaxing" time on a sunday! and i'm not being sarcastic hun, because we have the little one, when he very rarely takes him on his own, i do all the jobs i cant do when baby is here, hoovering the stairs etc.(baby gatesopen) and where are you whilst he's doing all this cleaning? i'll come with you and your DH can come do my stairs and we're all happy...ha he's got to take the nozzle off the hoover though....i cant stand it when its not got all the little hoovery lines on the stairs....oops i said that out loud.....and i'm rocking now too!

cricketballs Mon 25-Jul-11 15:48:03

op; you said that no one spoke to you; did you speak to anyone?

At the moment their are 2 babies at our club, one 6 months old the other is 6 weeks. Both mums come down on a Saturday. When we are batting then the dads take over fully the care of their DC (until they have to bat themselves). Both mums get adult conversation, support, friendship etc during the day.

One of the families are new to the club this season and they quickly integrated fully; I know mum looks forward to matches as she gets a lot of time to herself without having to leave her DS but she also receives a lot of support as 80% of the ladies down there are parents themselves.

As your DC is a boy it will be something you will have to get used to especially with a cricketer dad!

stansmomma Mon 25-Jul-11 15:48:12

thank god im not alone! i asked for every other wknd, he said not possible.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 25-Jul-11 15:49:55

Wow, I didn't realise there was a cricket mafia grin. YANBU. I get that this is his hobby but having a baby means I no longer do a number of things I loved. I really don't understand the attitude that men get to carry on as before and women suck it up. You are right that if you spent all Sunday doing your stuff you would have no family time. Does he take a load off every evening after work?

6 months a year is more than half you LOs life so not insignificant.

stansmomma Mon 25-Jul-11 15:55:20

everyone was sat beside their cars, i took all DS toys and his walker which i had to keep chasing around the pitch with DS in it, i'm a very friendly out going person and have lots of friends, and everyone there knows him and that i'm a new mum,partner etc. not 1 person came over to me and DS. and that is not my idea of a good time. i'd rather be somewhere for the baby, where we can have fun. there was no other mums that i could see there either, they've clearly taken off into the sunset too!

cricketballs Mon 25-Jul-11 16:07:25

when you went; was it a home game or an away match? you tend to find most of the away support sit by their cars (we generally all sit close to each other) but at home then most support is near the club house

get your dp to introduce you to others at the club; maybe go with him to a social event there (there are always several events during and out of season in order to raise funds)

legalalien Mon 25-Jul-11 16:07:40

(i) I empathise
(ii) In reality, probably little you can do about it except suggest that he play cricket closer to home. with a 10-8.30 timeslot I imagine there is a commute involved, in which case going to watch the game results in your being isolated in a field miles from nowhere ALL DAY. And it's not always a nice, sunny day either. and sometimes there just aren't other friendly wives and mothers. Whereas if he could be in a more local team, at least some of the time,you'd have the option of popping down for a couple of hours while his team was batting (so that he could do toddler minding at some point).
(iii) it will get easier as DS gets older and if at some point your DS wants to play cricket on the weekend you will clearly not be the appropriate parent to drop off/supervise etcgrin

legalalien Mon 25-Jul-11 16:09:22

oh, and obviously it is his job to get up early and do childcare until he needs to leave for cricket so that you can have a sleep in. although I've never managed to enforce that myself.

syrupfairy Mon 25-Jul-11 16:10:10

oh dear!! you have my thoughts another cricket widow here. but i have to say mine will give up a game if i ask him or if we decide to do something else. sorry no one spoke to you usually clubs are family friendly ( would he consider changing clubs to a mor e friendly one for you?) my child is older and we use matches to "go on an adventure" and have found loads to do around the cricket grounds we have visited. im am just wondering though is there more to this discontent than cricket xx

cricketballs Mon 25-Jul-11 16:12:09

sorry if I sound pushy towards taking part but speaking from experience if he is involved in the extent that he also attends for team selection then if you stop him from participating etc then you are just going to create a rift in your relationship.

You tend to find that 80% of cricketers have lived this way since they were young lads and it is like asking them to stop breathing. I have witnessed many relationships fail due to the cricketer's partner stopping participation

PonceyMcPonce Mon 25-Jul-11 16:13:14

Every other weekend is perfectly possible with enough players. I found the ones who played constantly, some both days, every week were the single lads and those after hideous divorces

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