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To think that DH shouldn't automatically expect a bonking session just because the DC won't be at home...

(109 Posts)
MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 13:52:08

because it's really pissed me off!

We have a pretty good sex life although he's always had a higher libido than me - ie he would be at it every night if I was up for it. We don't get to have the house to ourselves very often because we have DC, one of whom is a teen so is up till quite late in the evenings; even more so at the mo with it being the holidays.

I was speaking to DH at lunchtime today and told him my mum has offered to have the DC stay at hers tonight. His reaction was 'oh good, we can have a bit of 'fun' tonight then' - which translates to a bonking session. My heart sunk because I was thinking, ooh good, a night off from the DC, I can be lazy, sit in front of the TV, have something easy for tea, watch what I like on tv and just chill out. But his assumption of a bonk night just makes me think that now I have another 'job' to do sad

Is that terrible of me? I do enjoy sex, and the chances are we would have ended up doing it anyway, but the way he just assumes that we will has turned me right off and now we'll probably have a night of me being in a huff and him sulking. I just hate the whole idea of 'planning' a shag - surely it happens when you're in the mood. Taking away any spontaneity just makes me think 'meh' and reach for my fleecy dressing gown.

worraliberty Mon 25-Jul-11 13:54:03

Oh there's no harm in him putting the suggestion into your mind surely?

sleepindogz Mon 25-Jul-11 13:54:13

do the deed, then do all the chilling out things as well, everyone's happy

and it doesnt take more than three minutes does it smile

squeakytoy Mon 25-Jul-11 13:55:34

I do agree with you, but at least it shows he is still very interested in YOU smile

MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 13:57:17

Well three minutes wouldn't make too much of a dent in the evening, sure. But I know what he's like and he likes to make a bit of an olympic session out of it if we ever get to have time completely on our own. It's like he has a little list to tick off and if we don't do a bit of everything we haven't made the most of our night off. I feel bloody tired just thinking about it.

Groovee Mon 25-Jul-11 13:57:26

My dh is the same. Last week I sent him a text saying we were childfree and offering it on a plate and he turned me down cos he was busy :-(

Ormirian Mon 25-Jul-11 13:57:27

I know exactly what you mean.

Different priorities is all it is but telling your partner you don't put sex with them over relaxing and doing your thing for one precious evening is seen as tantamount to saying that you want a divorce! hmm

<waits for all the posts telling OP that sex isn't a 'job'>

MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 13:58:05

Now you're making me feel guilty. Be on my side please! grin

GeneralCustardsHardHat Mon 25-Jul-11 13:58:06

I'm with your husband on this one. Why waste a rare opportunity to have the house to yourselves? Have a nice dinner, get a good film in and enjoy each others company.

clueless1 Mon 25-Jul-11 13:58:46

so you are upset that your husband finds you sexually attractive and wants to have a good sex life with you?
he hasnt done anything wrong!!

Huffythetantrumslayer Mon 25-Jul-11 13:58:56

I like the suggestion that even though you don't want to you should do the deed anyway hmm my dp does this too and tries to book it in almost. Really does not make me feel sexy.

MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 13:59:36

Ha ha Ormirian.

Generally I don't see sex as a job - because generally it happens when it just happens, when we both want to. When I feel like I'm doing it because I'm expected to, then it's a 'job', like putting the bins out or something.....

MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 14:02:09

Maybe he's not done anything wrong exactly, but I just don't find the idea of a scheduled bonking session the slightest bit sexy...

Witchofthenorth Mon 25-Jul-11 14:02:48

My DH does the same and it pisses me right off! It's like as soon as the kids are gone he has planned this marathon session whereas I would like nothing better than a hot bath, glass of wine and to curl up in bed with a good book! (I am so bloody rock and roll ) I wouldn't mind if it was a three minute sess, you are not alone OP : o

MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 14:04:55

He can do a three minute session (or less) if pushed, believe me grin

Ormirian Mon 25-Jul-11 14:06:28

The issue is:

1. The Op doesn't particularly want to have sex.
2. She does have things she'd rather do.
3. Saying no to sex with her DH will lead to him being hurt and sulky in the way that saying no to a game of monopoly for example wouldn't.

Therefore, she is pissed off that he has made that assumption and pressurised into doing something she doesn't want to do or causing a bad atmosphere. Am I right monday?

rainbowtoenails Mon 25-Jul-11 14:08:41

What happens when he wants sex and you dont? If kept saying you didnt want to for a month how would he react?

clueless1 Mon 25-Jul-11 14:11:26

he hasnt pressurised her tho has he? he has made a suggestion. nothing more or less. if she doesnt want to she says no. end of.

MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 14:11:57

You are right Ormirian. You know me so wellgrin

Well I don't know rainbow cos it's never happened (not for more than a few days, anyway). Other than when I was pg or had new babies, obviously, in which case he was fine about it.

diddl Mon 25-Jul-11 14:12:16

Don´t know how old your other child is-but why does the fact that the teenager is up late have any bearing on anything?
<and will I regret asking that?blush>

MumblingRagDoll Mon 25-Jul-11 14:12:52

Just say no! What's wrong with that? all these people telling you to "do the deed" ffs! It's not 1860! There are no "rights" anymore as far as sex for men goes. They don't automatially get it when they want.

MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 14:14:00

clueless well yes, but I thought point of this kind of forum was to discuss these (trivial) things confused

EdithWeston Mon 25-Jul-11 14:16:26

I don't think he's being at all U for spotting and mentioning the possibility.

Nor do I think you're being U for wanting something else, and seeing interruption to your plans as an imposition.

He would be very U if he tried to pressure you unduly; you would however also be U to close off the idea completely so early in the day - you might feel quite differently once you've had a bit of down time. Keep the possibilities open - you might surprise yourself pleasantly if you go with the flow.

You allude to longer term issues of mismatched libido. I don't know how to advise on this, but it's clearly something that you'll both benefit from dealing with - but perhaps not in the context of today's specific opportunity.

MondayCrap Mon 25-Jul-11 14:18:25

diddl well obviously when we have gone to bed at night we are 'safe' from our teenager because he is a bit past wandering in when he's had a nightmare....

But because we live in a bungalow and therefore DT sometimes wanders around late at night to go to the loo/get a drink from the kitchen, etc, there is no chance of inpromptu bonking sessions on the sofa, kitchen floor, or anywhere other than our bedroom, because we could always get walked in on shock

Do people in RL ever bonk on the kitchen floor anyway? Isn't it just hard and a bit grimey (sometimes blush)?

PuttingMyFootInIt Mon 25-Jul-11 14:18:29

He didn't make a suggestion! Making a suggestion would be "how about we have some 'fun'?" and that is NOT what he said. He said they WOULD be doing it and in doing so was being really entitled and quite obnoxious IMO. He doesn't have a right to 'fun' on schedule.

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