To think a 3mo can't really be well behaved?(20 Posts)
I am getting a bit wound up by my sil's fb statuses at the minute! She has a 15 mo and a 3mo and seems to spend a lot of time bragging on fb about how good a mum she is. Neither baby was planned and she is very young (21) so maybe she feels a bit defensive and as if she needs to prove that she can do it. Credit to her, I think she is doing great, but her constant status updates about how both her dds sleep through the night and always have etc etc is starting to grate - especially as I have a 6 mo ds who still up 1/2 times a night! I know it's not a competition but I feel that my pils especially are comparing us as parents all the time, and seem to think sleeping through is some kind of barometer of good parenting!
Yesterday they had been on a day out and she wrote about how well behaved her girls were. Well one of them is only 3 mo - how can a 3 mo be naughty? I don't really get this at all! Same as when people ask me if my my ds is "good"! what does this mean!? He is 6 mo and I think he is bloody fantastic but I don't really think this is what they are getting at!
YABU... she's just proud of her kids. Leave her be.
YABU and understandably jealous
This comes up time and again where people say "how can a baby be good"
Obviously when people say 'good', they mean calm and content.
If it's any consolation, babies go through all sorts of different 'well behaved' and 'not so well behaved' stages.
actually , yuo are right to question whether a 3 month old can be good- what is really means is that they did not trouble the adults!The whole good baby/ bad baby/ bad sleeper thing is so random and not a reflection on yuo or SIL. My first was a complete sreamer, never slept etc, could barely take her anywhree, my second slept 20 hours per day till about 6 months old, known locally for her beaming smiles when awake. does not mean I was better mother to her!
Good luck to yuor SIL ,if she is coping well wihtthat small age gap at such a young age herself, can understand how yuo may be ticked off, but just stop reading her posts
You do know that you don't have to read anything and everything which is put on Facebook, don't you?
YABU - the problem isn't what she's putting on her updates, its how you feel about them.
If your PILs are genuinely comparing, and it hurts, then speak to them (or get your partner to) and explain that you're feeling upset/annoyed by being compared with her all the time and to please stop.
I understand your frustration at the comparison bit and I think you're right when you say she feels like she has to say it to prove that she is doing well at being a mum to 2 at a young age.
Though I have been known to post on Facebook that my DS3 is a naughty baby. He is only 8 months old and I don't really think of him as naughty but it is a light hearted way of saying he has kept me awake all night (regular non sleeping variety of baby even though I specifically ordered a 'good' one this time )
You are yes, it could be a complete overcompensation thing on her part - having two that close is bloody hard work. One dsy if you talk to her in 'real life' you could find she is like a duck, calm on the surface, manic underneath.
YABU, I have a 5 month old and she doesn't sleep through the night [shrugs, just one of those things]. As someone else said, don't read her status, I don't use Facebook for this exact reason and I live in fear of being contacted by anyone I went to school with .
People say "good" about my three all the time, they are "good" in public, its home where they're a bloody nightmare.
She happens to have easy (good/well behaved) babies - it's luck more than anything. Understandable that you are a little jealous but I think YABU.
She's 21 and had two babies in a year - fuck me, I'm impressed she can get through each day! She must work very hard looking after them and probably gets a lot of stick about her age and choices too.
So long as she doesn't start dissing other mothers, I think she is being a bit idiosyncratic but not unreasonable. Her posts don't actually hurt anyone, and presumably make her feel better.
my DD was an easy baby, is an easy child and im bloody proud of it!! if i had facebook i'd be telling the world let the woman enjoy her calm contented kiddies cos as i remind myself - just wait till their teens!! bet my DD will be a hell raiser when she's older ... she's been too good for 6 and a half yrs..
I see what you mean, but I would really just ignore it. I'd wonder if she was over-compensating a bit too, maybe desperately feels she has to present a view to the world of her coping perfectly and wonderfully happy all the time, to justify her choice to have children relatively young (though 21 is not that young, it's not as though she's 14! Surely people don't judge you for having children in your 20s?).
Either way it's not hurting you! Just do a face when you see the updates and then ignore.
PIL are being unreasonable making comparisons.
YABU for not just being happy for her being so proud of her little ones. Some people choose to keep their pride to themselves, others brag in the schoolyard, and others brag on facebook. Let them have their moment, it doesn't harm anyone.
YANBU to say a 3mo can't really be 'good', but leave her to it, she's not hurting anyone - and it's really just shorthand for "slept peacefully in the buggy and didn't scream the place down".
What's her age - or the fact her pregnancies weren't planned - got to do with it though? Mentioning those facts does make your post come across as a bit judgemental and patronising TBH.
My ds3 has always been told by everyone what a good/clever/special little boy he is and as a result hes now almost 11 and no-one ever says a detrimental word about him.
Despite that he slept 3 hours out of 24 for 3 years had very bad allergies and stunk to high heaven when he was sick or pooped,he was (in my opinion as a mum of 2 older dc and nursery nurse) quite a grumpy baby......but as soon as he was born it was almost decided he was 'the special one'......ds2 however is the 'naughty one' and boy does he live upto it ......ds1 is and always has been the 'clever one' - be very careful about labelling your dc .
It's a proven fact that very intelligent children tend to need less sleep.You might be tempted to throw that in! But seriously don't.She's riding for a fall.Just smile and nod and wait for the inevitable .......
YANB really U, only a tad as SIL is young and should be appaulded for her efforts at such a young age. Baby? Good? As in good for age? Or not malevolent scheming mastermind (can't be too careful with 3 mo these days).
YADNBU re fb updates. Oh my good lord. I have a 'friend' on fb who posts everyday about her DD. It is the most wretch worthy sick making stream of guff you can possibly imagine. It gets more and more over the top with every passing day. I keep her on fb as cannot believe mothers like her exist. Oh and so that my other friends and I can read her cringey updates when feeling low and remember we could be worse!
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