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DH shat in the bed last night - I feel bad about how I reacted but surely IANBU to expect him to clean it up?

(101 Posts)
PuttingMyFootInIt Mon 25-Jul-11 09:33:30

I was up late last night, insomnia. Around 2am I was heading to the bathroom and bumped into DH who was more than half asleep and going to the loo at speed. He mumbled something at me and went into the loo. He'd said during the day he had an upset stomach (which means diarrhea).

He came in to the kitchen afterwards and said he was crapping liquid and felt bad. There was a smell - I asked if he'd cleaned himself up properly and he got quite shirty with me. I got him some immodium and he sat with me for a bit in the living room. I gently suggested a shower might help him feel better so I guess I wasn't convinced he'd cleaned himself up properly (was vvv tired).

Was sleepy finally so went to bed with a book, DH still sitting in living room watching TV. Was about half two. I got into bed and put my foot into something wet. Pulled back the duvet and there was a huge wet patch - shit, basically. Yelled for DH to come NOW and he just fucking stood there like a moron - I was stripping the bed but it had already soaked through the mattress protector so there was a big stain on the mattress (shit!), and it was on the duvet too which doesn't fit in the washing machine.

I told DH to clean the mattress while I got the shitty bedclothes into the washing machine and checked the other bedding etc. And washed my FOOT. Went back into the bedroom to see how he was getting on and he was dabbing at it with fucking baby wipes!

Had to pretty much drag him to the kitchen, hot water, soap, scrubber etc. I was absolutely furious - not because of the shit but because he was so fucking truculent about it. He wanted to turn the mattress over but I said it had to dry out properly. Got him to have a long shower and did some extra mattress-cleaning myself. We don't have a spare bed so slept with the DCs.

Got up this morning and DH was wrapped up in the (slightly shitty), duvet, no cover, on the mattress. Which smells - there's no stain to see but it does smell a bit so I think it soaked into the innner bit if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I felt bad for him, it must've been horrible and embarrassing, so I was gentle and solicitous this morning. He's gone now and I am torn between feeling bad for him but also being really cross - babywipes ffs! We have three DCs, we've had to deal with crap before (though not in bed, but they've had accidents in our bed before hence the mattress protector and DS1 was sick in it once), it's not like he doesn't know best practice with bodily fluids.

What do you think?

StealthPolarBear Mon 25-Jul-11 09:36:13

I thik he was half asleep and feeling ill, sorry
YANBU to be tired and irritable yourself, but I don't think he was at his best

ggirl Mon 25-Jul-11 09:36:29

yanbu
unless he was feeling very ill I would expect him to make a concerted effort to clean up after himself

StealthPolarBear Mon 25-Jul-11 09:36:39

lol at your name grin

Can you buy a new mattress? Hope you have a decent sleep tonight

basingstoke Mon 25-Jul-11 09:36:58

Where has he gone? Not to work?

Nancy66 Mon 25-Jul-11 09:37:04

Oh, god that is gross.....

he must have known there was shit in the bed too, I reckon. Foul

don't blame you for being angry I'd have hit the roof - and I'd be burning the mattress too....

Megatron Mon 25-Jul-11 09:37:35

Where has he gone? He should be in bed if he's that ill poor fella. And I'm afraid I think you'll need a new mattress. (sorry)

NorksAreMessy Mon 25-Jul-11 09:38:14

If his stomach upset was that bad, he was probably feeling absolutely dreadful and possibly couldn't do much more than concentrate of the pain.

Yes, it is a disgusting thing to have to deal with, and yes, babywipes are pathetic, but the man is ill!
Please be very careful, yourself, PMFII, if it is this bad, it might well be very catching, and then the poo would be on the other foot smile

noddyholder Mon 25-Jul-11 09:39:00

You will need a new mattress

BelleEnd Mon 25-Jul-11 09:39:19

Poor guy. It's hard to clean like a nutter if you're ill enough to lose control of your poo muscles...

AnansiGirl Mon 25-Jul-11 09:39:49

Please don't say he's gone to work, to spread that bug around everyone he knows?

mrszimmerman Mon 25-Jul-11 09:40:00

sorry but, LOL, that is such a bloke response isn't it? I mean to act like a complete infant!
My dh would be the same but I would have the joy of teasing him about shi**ing the bed for all time!!!!
grin
But horrible for you at the time and horrible for him. Slightly appalling that he didn't realise the bed damage for such a long time! Eejit.

HairyGrotter Mon 25-Jul-11 09:40:29

Thing is, why didn't he tell you BEFORE sitting down with you in the living room? He just left it there to ferment...fucking grim, I'd have been livid.

ViolaTricolor Mon 25-Jul-11 09:41:26

Poor man, I'm not surprised he couldn't spring into action with the Marigolds.

CurrySpice Mon 25-Jul-11 09:42:08

I hope to goodness he hasn't gone to work!! <boak>

motherinferior Mon 25-Jul-11 09:42:36

Er...is it a Bloke Response?

My DP (male) staggered out of bed last winter and threw up, horribly, all over our bedroom floor. And then cleaned it up.

YANBU.

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast Mon 25-Jul-11 09:43:42

YANBU for how you reacted, i'd probably be the same at that time of the morning, however today i'd be feeling bad and quite sorry for him if he was ill.

New mattress, duvet, and sheets required me thinks!

mrszimmerman Mon 25-Jul-11 09:44:48

no, not "poor man" but "Poor eejit" !!
If you poo the bed and you are not unconscious you call
"Emergency NOW HELP NOW!" stand up get those sheets off and then pass out in the bath but GET UP and CALL FOR HELP unless you're nearly dead.
Any woman who is still alive in that situation will have picked up those sheets and hobbled to the bathroom, no woman, still alive would have sat like a national monument to all the eejits of the world while poo soaked into a good mattress!!!

Sorry, OP, no offence to your dh, sympathy to him for his illness and you for your trouble BUT he was well enough to get downstairs so he was well enough to check the damage.

brew

ShowOfHands Mon 25-Jul-11 09:47:53

Immodium's a bad idea if he has liquid poo btw. He needs to let it out to be frank.

It's bloody horrible but he has a gastro bug and probably felt awful.

New mattress shopping today then?

nevergoogle Mon 25-Jul-11 09:48:01

Arf. This happened to me once. With hindsight the smell as i entered the room should have been a clue that i was about to slip into my bed and straight into a puddle of shit.
i have to say i was a bit more delicate about it at the time as he didn't have any idea it happened.
Although once the clean up was done, i did laugh.

Good job too, as a few months later i collapsed off the loo and shit on the carpet while unconscious and he cleaned it up.

Shit happens.

Megatron Mon 25-Jul-11 09:48:14

Maybe he didn't realise that some had, er, escaped before he got up? I can smell shit now so thanks for that OP. smile

Morloth Mon 25-Jul-11 09:52:18

If he has gone to work YANBU, what a selfish prick.

If he has gone to the doctors then YABU because he must have been very ill.

Get a new mattress and duvet.

PorkChopSter Mon 25-Jul-11 09:59:29

Why on earth did he sit downstairs watching telly and saying nothing while it festered upstairs?

Either 1. he didn't realise he'd done it - but I find that hard to believe, surely the shit on the outside of his clothes would TELL him that there had been leakage?
Or 2. He didn't care?

Because the last option of 3. He didn't think you'd notice is just a step too far for me hmm As it was for you, actually blush

Thingiebob Mon 25-Jul-11 10:01:44

I feel sorry for the husband tbh! Feeling poorly, half asleep, embarrassed and a shouty wife.

You shouldn't have let him go to work.

slowshow Mon 25-Jul-11 10:05:56

YANBU. He should have stripped the bed as soon as he came out of the bathroom, or at least told you so you should have done it. I don't think it's possible to NOT KNOW you've shat the bed hmm

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