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AIBU?

to not know what to do (texting etiquette)

28 replies

audreyroberts · 24/07/2011 22:07

Hi
Just wondered how you would play this one.

I am friendly with a collegue from work, known for a long time - went to her wedding etc. She was v supportive of me when i had a break up.

She has had first baby 4 weeks ago- got text to announce arrival. I have texted her a few times since and no reply. I just assumed busy. I text the other day to see if it was ok if I dropped of a pressie - again no reply.

Asked round at work to see if she has changed number - people seem to think not. She actually went into work with baby the last week - but on a day I dont work. So i know all is well.

So text her number - with message - just what to check is this still ur number - again no reply.

Not sure what to do now.

Is she ignoring my texts or not getting them etc.

OP posts:

Report

HarrietJones · 24/07/2011 22:09

She may have blocked you by accident. My mam does it to me all the time. No idea how she does it.

RabidRabbit · 24/07/2011 22:09

Try calling her? That seems the logical thing to do if you want a reply from her.

Littlefish · 24/07/2011 22:10

The clue is in your message . She had a baby 4 weeks ago! Pop a card in the post to her and wait to hear from her.

AgentZigzag · 24/07/2011 22:11

I would probably leave the ball in her court for the moment.

There's not necessarily a negative reason for her not contacting you, but if she is trying to send you a message without speaking it out loud, then you're going to look a bit stalkerish to keep texting without getting a reply.

audreyroberts · 24/07/2011 22:12

Well that is what I was wondering really is calling ok if have had messages snubbed?

Keeping thinking maybe I have u wittingly done something to offend her.

She is normally a very prompt replier to texts.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/07/2011 22:14

She might have sent the same message to everyone on her contact list... I'd be patient and wait to hear from her. Don't keep texting.

audreyroberts · 24/07/2011 22:18

oh yes the message to annonce the arrival was definately a 'to all' message.

OP posts:

Mollymax · 24/07/2011 22:18

If you have her address I would pop a note in the post to her. Along the lines of "hope all is well, give me a ring or text to let me know when you are free to get together"
Then leave the ball in her court.

audreyroberts · 24/07/2011 22:23

I just find it so odd - that she has not even sent a reply, thats why I am think i have either upset her - no idea how, or she is not getting the texts.

OP posts:

CroissantNeuf · 24/07/2011 22:28

Maybe shes broken her phone/dropped it down the loo/lost it?

skybluepearl · 24/07/2011 22:29

shes just had a baby - thats all it is. new motherhood has a very steep and sleepless learning curve. it's really easy to be overwhelmed by the smallest of things and then forget other things. maybe give her a month then try again - buzz her.

audreyroberts · 24/07/2011 22:30

Croissantneuf
I am actually hopeful that is the case - but she is the type to replace straight away even with with young baby.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 24/07/2011 22:32

Goodness me just ring her up

AgentZigzag · 24/07/2011 22:33

Are you thinking of anything in particular when you're wondering if you've fucked her off unknowingly?

Which wouldn't be your fault if she's not said anything.

discobeaver · 24/07/2011 22:33

Can't you just give her a call?

audreyroberts · 24/07/2011 22:37

No nothing at all i can think off to piss her off - other then maybe not texting her when on mat leave b4 baby was born. Baby was 2 weeks late and I just remembered when i had first baby late, people texting to say have you had it yet was v annoying.

OP posts:

snippywoo2 · 24/07/2011 22:37

I am friendly with a colleague from work, known for a long time - went to her wedding etc. She was v supportive of me when i had a break up.

What is stopping you from just phoning her, if your close enough to her to be invited to her wedding and for her to support you through a break up I would have thought you were quite/fairly close. Could it be that its because you haven't contacted her personally, congratulated her, sent a card, been round to see the baby and just sent texts that she maybe a little bit pissed off so is not replying to your texts. Ring her!

audreyroberts · 24/07/2011 22:38

will call her tomorrow

OP posts:

audreyroberts · 24/07/2011 22:42

snippywoo -I dont usually call her - i see her at work, where arrangements are made - or text her.

Plus new baby - when is the right time to call? no idea when she or baby sleeps.

So not as straight forward as you suggest.

OP posts:

snippywoo2 · 24/07/2011 22:47

she will probably be glad to get a call from you give her someone to chat to gossip with etc

discobeaver · 24/07/2011 22:48

I would call mid morning. Like you say you have no idea when they sleep, but mid morning is probably as good as any.

If she really needs her sleep she will have her phone on silent anyway!

AgentZigzag · 24/07/2011 22:50

With phoning her I would imagine you'd be a bit worried about her reaction if you think she's being funny with you.

Knowing there's a risk of some confrontation or upsetting a new mum wouldn't make me relish making the call.

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RevoltingPeasant · 24/07/2011 22:54

audrey

I'd honestly just leave it. For now, anyhow.

I am normally supertogether at work, email on desktop, answer emails and texts by return, etc etc. But I have recently had surgery (so much less of a biggy than having a baby) and between painkillers and tiredness and just 'I-am-on-medical-leave-and-I-can't-be-arsed'-ness I have only been selectively responding to emails, or not even checking for several days.

One of my colleagues recently contacted my DP at his work (she'd've had to look up the details/ search for him) to ask why I wasn't answering her messages.

I really like her, and we socialise outside work and talk about some quite personal stuff, but I have to say on this occasion, my first reaction was 'Fuck's sake, I'm ill, I'm on leave, can't I just be left without having to answer things??'. Your colleage might feel the same. Drop it, send her a card and then don't contact her again for a few weeks.

She might have the strength to come into office, esp if she needs to pick something up, but just be too babybrained to answer every text.

sillyworriedmama · 24/07/2011 22:56

I didnt even reply to my closest friends for a minimum of 6 weeks postnatally, you have no idea what she may be going through right now. Even without PPD, nipples bleeding raw, possible vaginal tears etc (all perfectly 'normal' side effects of birth!) just being inundated with family, HVs and getting to know her new 'tiny dictator' (as we named our DS very quickly after he arrived)... well, her mobile is NOT important to her right now. I wouldn't be worried. Assume she is just experiencing the most unbelievable life change right now, akin to a sledgehammer to the head, and a lapse of manners won't seem so worrying.

It's NOT about you.

RevoltingPeasant · 24/07/2011 22:58

silly yes, quite - also - she may feel like she has to respond to the messages etc of people she has a more distant relationship with to be polite, but figures you will understand and she'll catch up with you whenever. Honestly, don't be hurt, and don't make her feel guilty for not responding to you.

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