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Was I overly confrontational? TBF you all warned me about this last time

(126 Posts)
LoweredBrow Sun 24-Jul-11 11:14:08

Posted a while ago regarding partner never letting me visit his house. On the odd occasion that he allowed me to go he had to have tons of notice and then would make up every excuse possible to try and get out of it. An example being that if I left my shopping there by accident I'd send him a text saying "I'll pop around in half hour and pick it up" and he'll text back saying "No no, I'll bring it to you" so I'd reply "but I'm literally going right past your house in half an hour anyway, I might as well stop by" and he'd still try and insist on bringing it to me.

Anyway last time I posted, the general opinion was that he was living with another woman. I found this not to be the case after turning up and practically forcing my way into his house and making a bit of a twat of myself grin

So I was happy that he was just generally untidy and was embarassed by the mess in the house.

Some of you wasn't happy with that explanation.

Well it's come back, the whole issue. Yesterday I asked him if he could look at my laptop for me. He said yes so I said "when shall I bring it down?" and he said "its ok, I'll pick it up on the way back from work" This goes right out of his way but whatever, couldn't be arsed to argue, assumed he was genuinly trying to save me the drive. So he took it and I said I'd pick it up from his house tomorow (today). He agreed. But before he left he said "actually, will you be up about 5.45am?" hmm on a sunday? err no. So he said "Its just that I could have dropped it off on the way to work". So I knew a string of excuses was coming again and I've just had enough, normal couples don't act like this. So I said "no, I won't be up, I'll pick it up from your house tomorow afternoon, I'm up that way tomorow anyway."

He reluctantly agreed.

Then last night I got a text saying "Shall I drop the laptop off on the way home tomorow, save you a drive?" so I said "No, Im picking it up." No reply.

Then at 8.15am this morning he sent me a text saying "are you up?" and I just know he was going to bring the bloody thing back so I text back and said "yes but I'm out."

so - 10am guess who turns up at the door with the laptop, all smiles saying "here, I saved you a job".

So I snapped and said "what is it with you trying to keep me away from your house?? what is going on??" so he said "oh not this again" but I'm right, it IS bloody wierd behaviour isn't it!? So I said "its not normal, you go out of your way to make sure I don't darken your doorstep, why??" so he tried to make out that he's just trying to be helpful and gets it thrown back in his face etc.

It needed bringing out in the open didn't it? or was I too confrontational over it??

nethunsreject Sun 24-Jul-11 11:16:24

It is odd. He is keeping you at arms length

DitaVonCheese Sun 24-Jul-11 11:16:25

I remember your other thread. It is bloody weird, especially after two years I think (correct me if I'm wrong). I don't think you were too confrontational but then I may be biased by the fact that I am desperate to know what he is hiding blush

DitaVonCheese Sun 24-Jul-11 11:16:56

Actually, if it has been two years then I think you are possibly not confrontational enough wink

Sparkletastic Sun 24-Jul-11 11:17:27

no - he's hiding something

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Sun 24-Jul-11 11:20:17

I remember the last thread and sorry but I don't see how you are stopping yourself from just turning up at random times.

tethersend Sun 24-Jul-11 11:20:27

I think he may have a fetish of some kind...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sun 24-Jul-11 11:21:15

I remember your other thread, OP. I think you're 'glossing over' the importance of this to you. If it's important (and it would be to me), you need to get to the bottom of it, if it isn't, then let it go. You've been in limbo for two years and are showing every sign of letting it continue forever.
Stop him coming to your place and let him see how that feels....

I wouldn't put up with it but I'm a bunny-boiling loon. grin

cookcleanerchaufferetc Sun 24-Jul-11 11:21:59

I think he is hiding something .... Time to do some proactive detective work.

SarahStratton Sun 24-Jul-11 11:22:00

God I'd be soooo tempted to have a snoop whilst he's at work...

PurpleLostPrincess Sun 24-Jul-11 11:23:17

I have to say, if it was me, I would have stalked his house by now and taken a good look to see what was going on. I'd park up somewhere that you can see the house, text to say you're popping in and see what happens!

I don't think you were too confrontational at all, trust your instincts.

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 11:24:19

I don't know how you haven't blown before - 2 years and how many times have you been in his house?

I havent read the other thread.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls Sun 24-Jul-11 11:24:34

I'd be checking out his cellars/attics and any locked rooms tbh.

LoweredBrow Sun 24-Jul-11 11:24:35

See another thing is he sleeps here every other saturday night but it means I never get a break from the house so I asked him if we could spend the odd night at his house. He said yes, he'll sort that out - that was 3 weeks ago and whenever I ask he says the same thing. In November we're supposed to be going to see a concert and we arranged for me to sleep at his house on the night. We were talking about it a couple of weeks ago and I said "oh yes, I'm sleeping at your house that night arnt I" so he looked shocked and said "are you?? " so I was like hmm "yeah, that's what we arranged" so he looked all put out and said he'd forgotten all about that and "hopefully" it will still be ok.

WTF?? things shouldn't be this difficult.

thestringcheeseincident Sun 24-Jul-11 11:25:37

Poor you, this would drive me crazy. I would have to spy on him

MrsKravitz Sun 24-Jul-11 11:27:34

Sorry, have I got this right? You have been dating 2 years and he only stays one night a fortnight with you?

LoweredBrow Sun 24-Jul-11 11:28:31

Yes, I know it's ridiculous.

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 11:29:41

How many times have you been to his house lowered?

MrsKravitz Sun 24-Jul-11 11:30:27

Maybe its not his house. Maybe he is a lodger.

lubeybooby Sun 24-Jul-11 11:30:32

No I don't think you were too confrontational at all - he is being VERY odd and dodgy.

Lifeissweet Sun 24-Jul-11 11:31:17

I'm annoyed on your behalf that he's turning it on you to make you feel ungrateful and unreasonable. That is so obviously not what is happening here. On top of which, he has to be aware that this is an issue for you, because you've had this conversation before, so he should be reassuring you not acting so weirdly.

I am completely unconfrontational, but I think in this situation I would have to bring it completely out in the open. I would tell him that it doesn't really matter what his motivation is for always coming to you, but that it makes you feel as though he's keeping you away from his house and he needs to respect your feelings about it and behave in a more reassuring way. It is strange. It is not you over reacting and don't let him try to make you feel that way.

Have you never discussed moving in together after 2 years? If not, why not?

altinkum Sun 24-Jul-11 11:31:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Casmama Sun 24-Jul-11 11:31:24

This is nuts. What kind of a future can you see for this relationship? Can you ever see yourself living together and if not what is the point? I agree with lovebeingabletonamechange, I would start popping over at random times and if he continues this weird behaviour I think I would just cut my losses and move on.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 24-Jul-11 11:32:19

He's either very possessive of his space and doesn't like sharing it, or he's trying to hide something. The 'embarrassed about the mess' thing is a little thin. Maybe he's worried that if you get comfortable over at his you'll be moving in with your toothbrush... 'commitment issues' is the trendy phrase. Or maybe if you hunted about in a few cupboards you'd find his collection of hunting knives and Star Trek memorabilia... (have you seen the film '40 year-old Virgin'?)

Is he worth the bother?

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Sun 24-Jul-11 11:32:30

I did think the same as kyingwitch tbh

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