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to do nothing for MIL's birthday?

(41 Posts)
bagelmonkey Sun 24-Jul-11 09:08:59

MILs birthday is about a week before mine. Last year I sent cards and a couple of small gifts plus flowers and chocolates. I didn't get a single card from ILs. I can't be certain, but I don't think I got anything the year before either. I leave FIL, BIL & SIL birthdays up to DH and he usually organises something if he wants to (bit variable). I just felt that MIL-DIL relationship should be a bit different, iykwim?
AIBU to do nothing for her this year and leave it all up to DH?

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 24-Jul-11 09:11:38

It shouldn't be up to you anyway, she's not your mum.

I don't do in-law birthdays. This means sometimes they don't get anything, as my husband isn't very organised with birthdays. This is not my problem.

pigletmania Sun 24-Jul-11 09:14:28

YANBU at all. Leave it up to dh they are his parents.

PotterWatch Sun 24-Jul-11 09:24:25

I don't do my ILs birthdays, DH wouldn't do my families birthdays. Leave it up to your DH.

TrillianAstra Sun 24-Jul-11 09:29:24

DH can organise birthday things for his family, you organise birthday things for your family.

Zimm Sun 24-Jul-11 09:30:49

YANBU. I do do my MIL's bday, but she does mine so seems fair!

Martha85 Sun 24-Jul-11 09:32:35

YANBU leave it to DH.

SquidgyBiscuits Sun 24-Jul-11 09:37:07


Personally I don't give gifts to receive them. I tend to sort gifts out for my family and DH for his. If it is acceptable for your DP to be sporadic with birthday gifts, why is it not the same for his family to be so?

And special relationship between MIL and DIL?? Why any more so than any other? I would NEVER do the same. My DH should buy his own mother a gift. I tend to think theirs is a more significant relationship.

So you can either top dwelling on it, make more of an effort yourselves or stop buying gifts at all.

sleepindogz Sun 24-Jul-11 09:42:16

just send a card

my mum sends my SIL gifts every year for christmas and birthday (SIL lives abroad) and she never gets so much as a ta very much. I said well you are a fool to yourself to keep doing it then, just send a card, but she prefers just to moan about it

hey ho

Lady1nTheRadiator Sun 24-Jul-11 09:43:49

YANBU. But why has it not been up to DH thus far anyway? She's his mum after all.

Longtalljosie Sun 24-Jul-11 09:44:54

If you've been doing it and decide to stop, make your you let your DH know you won't be doing it or he will (not unreasonably) think it's in hand.

SiamoFottuti Sun 24-Jul-11 11:29:56

Its not a matter of whose job it is. You should give gifts because you care about someone and you want to. I buy presents for my MIL birthday and Xmas because I love her and I want to give her nice gifts, and she does the same for me.
If you don't feel like you want to give her gifts, don't. If you do, do. It really is as simple as that.

HerHissyness Sun 24-Jul-11 11:33:27

Send a card. DH can sort his presents out for his mother.

I'd be mortified if my DS didn't bother and it was left to his wife to remember my birthday!

diddl Sun 24-Jul-11 11:51:45

My MIL always sends me a card-but I don´t send her one.

My husband does.

He always did-why would that change because he married me?

Ephiny Sun 24-Jul-11 12:01:20

Leave it up to your DH, definitely, if he wants to get her something he can. I never get involved in cards/presents etc for the ILs, and in fact have no idea when any of their birthdays are.

Though in my family we don't bother with birthday presents or parties or anything for adults (though my parents do still send me a card, I think they forget I'm all grown up now!) so it wouldn't really occur to me to do it anyway.

AuntiePickleBottom Sun 24-Jul-11 12:07:31

i do all the birthdays, however MIL is like a mum to me and she spoils me for my birthday and she is fantastic with my children -- plus DH is crap at this sort of thing --

AgentZigzag Sun 24-Jul-11 12:08:20

I think it's really nice you're trying to make an effort with your MIL, a lot of people wouldn't bother (by the posters answers so far).

If the reason you're doing it is to try and have a good relationship with your MIL, then it'd be a shame to stop.

Instead of giving her nothing, perhaps just scale back what you send to a card and chocs?

SiamoFottuti Sun 24-Jul-11 12:27:24

Why would that change diddll? Because she bothers to send you a card and remembers your birthday? Because you might want to have your own relationship with her? Because thats what normal adults do?
Take your pick.

diddl Sun 24-Jul-11 12:52:04

Ooh, forgot to say-husband puts my name on cards he sends, obviously.

But what I mean is-why would I take over?

unfitmother Sun 24-Jul-11 13:07:24

My DH is crap at sending cards, I like the PILS so I buy them and make him sign them.
I wouldn't bother with a gift unless I was seeing them on the day.

bruffin Sun 24-Jul-11 13:14:31

"i do all the birthdays, however MIL is like a mum to me and she spoils me for my birthday and she is fantastic with my children -- plus DH is crap at this sort of thing --"

Same with us Auntiepickle. Never understand why people want to seperate their families into two parts. Surely getting married is joining two families together.

diddl Sun 24-Jul-11 13:17:38

I don´t think of it as seperating the families.

I´ve always done my parents bdays & now put my husbands name on.

Husband has always done his parents bdays & now puts my name on.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Jul-11 13:22:12

I am a bit surprised at 'his mum' bit. A DH doesn't come alone-you get his family and he gets yours! If you liked the woman and had a good relationship it wouldn't be a problem. We always have a joint discussion about what would be a good idea and it really doesn't matter who comes up with the idea or who gets it. I don't see why it hinges on what you get either.

altinkum Sun 24-Jul-11 13:26:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

altinkum Sun 24-Jul-11 13:28:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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