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To want my DC's at my wedding

(55 Posts)
Jennytailia Sun 24-Jul-11 07:43:54

6 weeks until I get married (Eeeeeeeeek)

We are having a late(ish) wedding at 3pm which the children will take part in. I have 1 DSS 10yrs, 2 DS 8 and 6 yrs and 2 DD 4 and 2 yrs.

After the ceremonies we have a sitdown meal planned which I have arranged childcare for as I don't think they'll enjoy a 2 hr meal with speeches.

Then at 6pm we have an evening venue for a buffet and party, this is going to be for the DC's, mine as well as a few others. But MIL is looking after the boys for 3 days whilst we go on a short honeymoon. She has said she and FIL want to leave at 6:30 as they don't like to be out too late hmm

But I really want my boys at the evening do, they are old enough to have a good time and my girls will be staying as my Dsis is taking care of them and she will stay. My Dsis has also said she will have the boys for that night so they can stay later.

When we mentioned this to the boys they insisted they wanted to stay at MIL and DP said I was being selfish trying to change things. So I asked him whether he would ask PIL to stay longer and he said they won't and it's up to them what time they leave.

I think they are being selfish and it's only one night that they have to stay out.

So AIBU wanting my DS's at the evening reception.

PorkChopSter Sun 24-Jul-11 07:50:46

Yanbu.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Jul-11 07:50:52

Leave them all with your sister and drop them off the next day. Tell the boys they are not being done out of anything-they will have nights with grandparents.

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 07:51:23

The boys don't want to stay am I reading that right?

Hassled Sun 24-Jul-11 07:52:53

No, not at all. It's one night, and it's a big important night.

How far away are the ILs? Could they go home at 6.30 and a trusted friend/relative deliver the boys to them a bit later?

Martha85 Sun 24-Jul-11 07:54:00

YANBU. 6.30pm is hardly late. I think it is a bit selfish not to stay later. It's only one night. I can uderstand them not wanting to stay until the end but could they not compromise and stay until 9 or 10pm. Do DS's realise they will miss the party if they stay with PIL?

Jennytailia Sun 24-Jul-11 07:58:09

No they boys want to stay with PIL. DP has made me feel like I shouldn't be messing with the plans as it's selfish and the DS's are happy with the plans.

But they don't really know what they are going to miss.

PIL live about 45 mins away. And I don't think anyone will be driving that night so can't really drop them off later.

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 08:00:23

I cant see how they are being selfish if they are having 3? boys for a few days, that is very generous of them.

The boys don't want to go, th

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 08:01:51

Sorry The boys don't want to go, the PIL don't want to stay, to insist they stay means giving other family members even more inconvenience though they've kindly offered. They will be there in the day.

I'm not sure that your husband to be hasn't got a point.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Jul-11 08:01:52

They are being typical boys-not thinking they want to go to a wedding. They won't want to be taken away when the time comes-organise it now with your sister and just tell them it is an important family day. Think of the photos later when they ask where they were and you say 'Grandpa didn't want to stay past 6.30pm'!

exoticfruits Sun 24-Jul-11 08:04:21

If it was my wedding the most important guests would be my DCs-and they would be important for all of it! I'm not sure I would want it without them. As your sister has agreed to have them-you are not doing the grandparents out of having them -I can't see the problem.

GwendolineMaryLacey Sun 24-Jul-11 08:10:08

I would have your sister on standby. Tell them all that the arrangements stand unless the boys change their mind and want to stay when it comes to it, which they probably will. And that if that happens plan B will kick in and you want no arguments from anyone.

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 08:10:31

Why not keep it open and flexible? If your son's want to stop at the wedding at 6.30 then they go to your sisters with the other children, if they don't they go with the grandparents? They can make their minds up on the day so there is no real issue then??

skybluepearl Sun 24-Jul-11 08:23:59

tell the kids they will stay with sis or be dropped off at your IL's late evening. tell kids its really important they are there for you in the evening and that you have arranged for them to stay and enjoy the do. stress how much fun it's going to be and what other children are going to be there to play with. tell them them you have a small gift for them later in the evening also.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Jul-11 08:25:45

You would wonder how flexible the IL could be if they have to be home early evening when their DS gets married! The last wedding I went to the 99yr old was still going strong when I left at about 11pm.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 24-Jul-11 08:27:53

YANBU it's a special night, all the DC should be there, maybe not til the end but long enough to enjoy the party. Considering that the wedding is at 3pm leaving as early as 6.30pm is pretty selfish. I'd insist the DC join in with you all for a little while, if that means they stay with your sister that night and their GPs a different night, so be it. You haven't said they can't go your inlaws, just not that night, another time. They'll live.

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 08:29:05

They might be thinking they need the early night to cope with the boys for the next few days.

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 08:30:12

Just a thought how many other children are going to the evening do?

Ephiny Sun 24-Jul-11 08:32:51

But they are going to be at your wedding, they just don't want to hang around for hours at an evening party on the same day. I'd leave it up to them, don't see much point forcing them to stay if they don't want to, and it'll probably be a bit boring for children to be honest.

I would see your point if it was the actual wedding they were missing, but don't really see why this is a big deal to you either way. Agree with others about keeping it flexible in case they change your minds - otherwise I would let it go, and just enjoy your day!

FakePlasticTrees Sun 24-Jul-11 08:40:18

Have you told the boys that what they'll be missing isn't the wedding, but the party? Spell it out to them that the point they'll be leaving is the fun part! I agree to have your DSis on standby and then tell them if they want to leave the party early they can with PIL, or stay and have fun then stop at DSis's that night.

exoticfruits Sun 24-Jul-11 08:40:27

I don't think that I would enjoy my day without my DCs! People are just treating this as any other party! It is a hugely important day where people young enough to look after DCs can't cope with being out past 6.30pm on their own DCs wedding day!

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 08:45:12

Exotic It is a very important day of course it is, but to my mind, it's not worth upsetting PIL, inconveniencing SIS, upsetting DP and worse upsetting the DB's. A wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion. I know it is the brides day but when the bride has 5 kids to sort out as well and the family are being fantastic in taking the children for a few days then to my mind it is worth making compromises.

They are at the wedding and if they change their minds in the evening, that can be accommodated. I wouldn't make this any bigger than it needs to be personally. If the boys want to go with the PIL then let them if they don't they go with the DS.

TidyDancer Sun 24-Jul-11 08:46:09

How are your PILs getting home from the reception? Could you arrange transport for them so they are able to stay out later? It could be the gesture that makes the difference.

I don't think YABU though.

threefeethighandrising Sun 24-Jul-11 08:50:02

I would want my DCs at my wedding, YANBU. In your shoes i'd be trying to find a creative solution e.g. can you sort out a cab for them with someone you trust to take them to ILS at a later time?

threefeethighandrising Sun 24-Jul-11 08:50:59

Cross post!

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