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a addicts "child" opinion

(54 Posts)
altinkum Sun 24-Jul-11 00:38:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurrySpice Sun 24-Jul-11 00:42:13

Oh jeez alti. What a heart wrenching post sad

I don't know what to say but anythng less than compassion, I believe would be wrong sad

I often think, when reading here, that some folk could benefit from walking a mile in some different shoes

Hope you're OK xx

sunshinelifeisgood Sun 24-Jul-11 00:44:23

OMG you are SNBU could I send you a pm

sunshinelifeisgood Sun 24-Jul-11 00:46:01

curry I def agree and that is where the compassion should come in x

DooinMeCleanin Sun 24-Jul-11 00:48:14

Well said Altinkum. I am sorry about your Dad. It's so heartbreaking watching someone you love destroy themselves with addiction and not having the power to stop it.

scottishmummy Sun 24-Jul-11 00:48:17

sorry for your loss.yes its shame people forget the label is a person
a parent,sibling,valued pal
and as much as its easy for folk to scorn and opine.that is not the human dynamic,it misses the depth and range of individual

FreudianSlipper Sun 24-Jul-11 00:51:21

Heartbreaking sad

and so true no one chooses to become an addict and no one is happy being an addict it is an illness

just wish some people could show more empathy, for some they can't and it says far more about them than the person they are judging

debivamp Sun 24-Jul-11 00:54:09

Alti, I am totally with you. My mum was an alcoholic and died of a stroke 3 years ago. Three years earlier I lost my best friend to alcohol as well. No one choses to be an addict. You are just left with the burning question WWHHHYYYY?

scottishmummy Sun 24-Jul-11 00:56:46

im not surprised at sentiments elsewhere on mn
i suppose i hope for a level of human compassion

LotteryWinnersOnAcid Sun 24-Jul-11 01:00:17

My mum is an alcoholic. She refuses to admit it, and continually hurts me and my family. When my grandmother - her mother - was dying from the disease (chirrosis of the liver), she said how sad she was and she promised she'd never make me go through that - although I am ever closer to my gran. She lied.

I'm sorry for your loss. But I think I am missing the point. Sorry. sad

DontCallMePeanut Sun 24-Jul-11 01:07:14

I tried to putting this across to a friend who decided to heaily criticise Winehouse earlier.

Living with an addiction or with an addict is hell.

Don't have any more words, but thoughts are with you, and everyone who is touched by the events and comments of yesterday.

IRCL Sun 24-Jul-11 01:12:47

I am sorry for your loss, your post is heartwrenching to read.

I hate the way people assume that addicts are waste of space's/low lifes etc etc.

They are people, someones family. sad

maristella Sun 24-Jul-11 01:54:27

As the relative of a few people who are just addicts I really welcome you post.

It is NOT cut and dry, or black and white. The addicts we knew, loved and needed did not set out to be addicts, they were slaves to their addiction; they never set out to be enslaved and died undignified and sadly much criticised as a result.

Rest In Peace our lost souls xxxx

Mixitnow Sun 24-Jul-11 02:53:13

I think some people are just ignorant, they sit in their perfect houses living their perfect lives, what they don't realise is addiction doesn't discriminate , it can effect anyone and could happen to someone close to them

geezakiss Sun 24-Jul-11 03:03:37

Oh Alti, I am so sorry for your loss. I have already deleted about 5 people tonight from my FB because of their ignorance. My former next door neighbour is a beautiful woman and so so funny. But she is an alcoholic. She goes on binges, one week you see her and she is totally fine and you get a great laugh with her, the next week you have to help her home as she is in a mess again. She became like this after her first love drank himself to death and she found him dead in his flat after not hearing from him for a week. She is haunted by this and ironically turned to drink to try and forget. Its just tragic.

cloudydays Sun 24-Jul-11 03:39:43

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the awful way in which you had to experience it.

I have loved ones who are addicts, and I work with addicts. The ignorance, naiveté, and total lack of compassion betrayed by some peoples' reactions to Amy Winehouse's death, on MN and in RL, is very sad.

Happynow Sun 24-Jul-11 03:56:08

Alti, so sorry for your loss. I don't think it's a choice in the normal sense of the word. Takes a hell of a lot to overcome addiction. Some people understand that ... and some don't. Plus ca change!

Kallista Sun 24-Jul-11 04:54:05

Altinkum - losing your dad like that is so awful for you, i wish people realised exactly what addicts & their families go through - firstly so they could be less judgemental, secondly to prevent others becoming addicts.
The problem is that alcohol is such a socially acceptable & very cheap, yet highly addictive drug. I know colleagues who are total red wine snobs yet will turn their noses up at an alcoholic - because of course, it won't happen to THEM, will it??! But if you regularly drink alcohol it's not hard to start having an extra drink here & there because of a bad day at work, or a lonely evening, or to get extra confidence, or just because you like that nice warm feeling that alcohol gives you...
Illegal drugs are harder to get addicted to when you don't mix with people who think they are socially acceptable; or if you are not in an environment where they are easily available.
I did a lot of agency HCA work on a ward with lots of alcoholics who had related problems - end stage liver disease, varices, ulcers, pancreatitis, even dementia directly caused by alcoholism. I had no idea about any of these alcohol-related illnesses - it certainly woke me up & I cut down on my drinking. Lots of healthcare workers don't though.

InFlames Sun 24-Jul-11 08:13:22

Sorry for you loss Alt. Human side of addiction gets dismissed with ignorant 'just an addict' comments.

Mitmoo Sun 24-Jul-11 08:26:27

One hell of a thread thank you OP heartbreaking to read.

Punkatheart Sun 24-Jul-11 08:43:17

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story. It was beautifully expressed and showed a lot of courage.

Let's hope that people will stop jumping in with loose judgements and cliches. You have given us all a lot to think about....

MrsVidic Sun 24-Jul-11 08:56:16

I think people forget how harmful alcohol is and to go cold turkey is never reccommended- it causes fits and can be deadly. My father is also an alcoholic- though I have zero contact with him (havent for years) and find this is the best thing for both of us. I also work in the drugs and alcohol rehab industry and found that this helps me

TidyDancer Sun 24-Jul-11 09:10:52

I am so sorry for your loss Alt. sad

I am also the child of an alcoholic, but almost entirely devoid of sympathy for my father, owing to the years of abuse I suffered from him. It doesn't make me any less sympathetic to addicts and I would never say something as heinous as some people have been spouting about Amy Winehouse.

There is a lot more to addiction than just the choice to take drugs or drink. I hope people realise that.

And yes, cold turkey is a fucking awful idea. Not only hell on earth, but very very dangerous.

MrsKravitz Sun 24-Jul-11 09:19:05

I am also an addicts child and feel COMPLETELY differently, sorry.

altinkum Sun 24-Jul-11 09:26:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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