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To be pissed off with another saturday with dh at work?

(84 Posts)
pommedechocolat Sat 23-Jul-11 12:17:39

Right. Background. DH works long hours in high pressure industry and is currently doing a lot of work outside his areas in his company as other directors are shit. He is the worst paid director but is the one everyone turns to/md tells him it's all up to him.

Another saturday with him in the office and me stuck at home doing all childcare/housework etc.
No energy to do anything either as am 7 weeks pg and shattered and nauseous. Currently in tears and annoyed with myself.

I work two days a week but my work NEVER interferes with family life I am in control of it. I do all nursery pick ups/drop offs too and have only asked for him to do three pick ups in last 10 months (car accident, snow, hen do). If I can keep everything contained why the fuck can't he?!

By the way it is not unusual to work sat ams in this industry but not till mid pm every week.

AIBU to a. be upset and b. mind more because he's brooking such a shit deal with work. Won't ask for a pay rise for a million reasons (but I think it's because he doesn't like talking about money). If I could at least swan around buying crap I might not mind so much!

ARGHHH.

fruitshootsandheaves Sat 23-Jul-11 12:21:46

YANBU My DH works shifts and if he is off on a Saturday 9 times out of 10 he will do overtime as it is more money.
It annoys me too because the children don't see him in the week so if he works saturday as well they hardly see him at all. But I can't really complain because of the extra money. My DC's are older and independent so it's not as hard as it used to be. When I finally manage to get a job, he says he won't need to do overtime.

worraliberty Sat 23-Jul-11 12:21:56

YABU would your rather you both lived on benefits?

I don't imagine it's a walk in the park for him either but that's what raising a family and keeping the roof over your heads is about...hard work.

It's hard for you and it's hard for him. You may be able to prevent your two days work interfering with family life, but that doesn't mean he can.

LineRunner Sat 23-Jul-11 12:22:13

I'm really sorry about this, for you.

Please find some time to talk to your DH about the fact that the hours he works are just not acceptable.

And then have a nice day on MN on some of the funny threads. No-one dies of housework-not-all-being-done.

LineRunner Sat 23-Jul-11 12:23:43

Worra, there ought to be place in between working all day till midnight and living on benefits.

worraliberty Sat 23-Jul-11 12:26:17

Yes there ought to be LineRunner but when there isn't, I think a little sympathy for the bloke might go a long way.

squeakytoy Sat 23-Jul-11 12:26:22

YABU.

His job is the reason you only need to work 2 days a week, and presumably pays for the roof over your heads and the food in your fridge.

If I can keep everything contained why the fuck can't he?!

Because you dont do the same job I would imagine.

pommedechocolat Sat 23-Jul-11 12:26:45

Maybe that's kinda what it is worra - I feel like his side IS easier. I'm so far from a natural homemaker it is laughable and was very career driven pre dd. DD is also a very very energetic 16 month old going through a tantrum stage and I am an hormonal mess.
He HAS got the easier deal out of both of us at the moment.

upahill Sat 23-Jul-11 12:27:36

Dh at work today and tomorrow.
He is self employed.
He is there because stuff needs to be done. If he doens't do it no one will and it will cause problems.

The alternative is him not working.

The good thing is DS1 who is 15 is with him helping and getting stuck in.
I have the day free and I am about to go cycling.

It can be difficult I know

YABU/YANBU There sitting on the fence!

lockets Sat 23-Jul-11 12:27:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead Sat 23-Jul-11 12:30:35

My dh only ever gets one day off a week - he is also in a high pressure job.

upahill Sat 23-Jul-11 12:31:05

Also if he is a director he will (I imagine) be getting a directors salary even if it is the worst directors pay.

He isn't there for a laugh.
Not gettting the 'keep everything contained' remark.

Let the toddler play, get your feet up and read a book or something or carry on MN.

worraliberty Sat 23-Jul-11 12:32:04

Has he got the easier end of the deal though? I know when kids are little and you're run ragged, it's easy to think like that...but it's not always the case.

Also, it must be horrible for him to have to spend so much time away from you all.

At the end of the day, he's not out down the pub/playing golf/treating himself to precious 'me' time.

He's working hard to give you all a decent life. A life that doesn't involve living in damp squalor on an estate where you're too afraid to open the front door or let your kids out of your sight.

jimswifein1964 Sat 23-Jul-11 12:32:40

Dh has just finished an 18 day stretch with no day off; happens a lot. Tbh, I've always just based life on myself and kids, any time dh can be here is a bonus. He is the main earner - I only work 3-5 days a week, and I'm always there for school pick up.

pommedechocolat Sat 23-Jul-11 12:34:18

'Let the toddler play'

We are in a definite phase of this NOT happening which may be why it feels so hard.

Yes. He is getting a good wage but it is still a shit deal for doing other people's work when they get paid more. MAybe I'm controlling more than anything - I would never have let that happen to me in my previous life as a high flyer.

MumblingRagDoll Sat 23-Jul-11 12:34:32

yABU slightly....it's an unsettled time for people and employment. He my not want to rock the boat by asking for a rise.

I am home alone most weekends...I am just happy DH is in work tbh. I go outt and about with friends who also have DC.

worraliberty Sat 23-Jul-11 12:34:33

I've just realised you've only got one child at the moment

Take her out for the day and let her burn some energy off.

valiumredhead Sat 23-Jul-11 12:35:41

Tbh, I've always just based life on myself and kids, any time dh can be here is a bonus

I have had to do this also - we just get on with it and if dh can join us then it's fantastic but if not then that's just the way it is.

MumblingRagDoll Sat 23-Jul-11 12:36:05

Yes....get out in the sun...you might feel better in the fresh air....sometimes the house can be the worst place to be when you're down.

pommedechocolat Sat 23-Jul-11 12:37:07

I know I need to I just feel like utter shit with nausea and knackeredness as am pg. Now all blotchy from crying to.
He also won't give me a proper idea of when he'll be back. He always says a couple of hours then emails at that point to say a bit longer.

altinkum Sat 23-Jul-11 12:37:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty Sat 23-Jul-11 12:37:24

I would never have let that happen to me in my previous life as a high flyer

Do you see being a SAHM (for the most part) as 'less worthy' than his job?

I mean do you feel resentful that he gets to work full time and you don't?

What you did as a 'high flyer' (cringe at that phrase!) was your own business. You might 'never let that happen' to you, but it's not your job is it? I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

lockets Sat 23-Jul-11 12:37:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

altinkum Sat 23-Jul-11 12:38:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iggagog Sat 23-Jul-11 12:38:22

Your dh's work/life balance sounds crap to me. But then I've never "got" the argument that men have to work really long hours to look after their family - kids would rather see their daddy than have a bit more money.

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