being so disturbed

[MrsKravitz]

This is ridiculous. We have someone keeping her horses at our place. Old family friend of DH. Anyway, turns out they used to date when they were "kids". (probably late teens to early 20's, who knows). She has known him since birth practically.

I dont know why this disturbs me so much, I feel really uneasy and uncomfortable and its playing on my mind. Which is STUPID as DH has been married before and that never bothered me.

Im being unreasonable arent I...I wonder why? has anyone else felt like this?

[FabbyChic]

You feel like that because he has contact with her, I doubt he see's his ex wife as much.

You are concerned because once there was feelings, you shouldn't be.

I've an ex the father to my children and I feel nothing for him at all, I cringe when I remember having a relationship with him and think what did I ever see in him, as a person he is just horrible.

The past is the past, if it was going anywhere it would have lasted, it didn't.

He would feel nothing for her now.

[joric]

Because DH X is no longer part of your immediate life and this woman is now back in the present? It can be intimidating knowing that someone has past history with DH. YANBU but don't let it eat away...

[MrsKravitz]

We see his exfairly regularly.

i see what you mean though...thanks :)

[LoveBeingAbleToNamechange]

Is it because you didn't know?

[catgirl1976]

YABU in that I am sure you have nothing to worry about and she is his past not his present (that would be you! :) )

YANBU because, I would feel the same way even though I would know there was no good reason for it.

Don't let it turn into an issue when it isn't one, but talk to him if you can't shek it off

[catgirl1976]

*shake it off even

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You won't like my story. I'm absolutely not the jealous type, but there was one old girlfriend of my DH and, whenever she came up in conversation (which really wasn't often), I'd feel uncomfortable. The day he came home and asked 'guess who I met on a train today?' I was also uncomfortable but said nothing. A month or two later he announced he was leaving me for ... you guessed it.

Trust your instincts

[IQuiteLikeVodka]

ouch cogito !!

[IQuiteLikeVodka]

how long had you been married Cog? Must have been awful for you, hope you came out tops!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

We'd been together about 12 years at that point. She was someone he'd been out with as a teen and who had unceremoniously dumped him. I think there was a whole 'unfinished business' unrequited love thing going on. The OP's story struck me as similar... there's a big difference between two adults who have had a relationship and it's ended badly, and two teens in the full flush of first love who still remember each other fondly.

Btw. Whilst it was upsetting at the time, I think she (like a lot of OW) did me a favour in the long-run. If she hadn't shown up I'd have been saddled with someone who I now realise was a total arse :)

[LineRunner]

Yes, the whole 'first love, unfinished love' thing can feel very odd.

So, OP, YANBU to feel unsettled. But it's a feeling. Not a happening.

[IQuiteLikeVodka]

Glad to hear it cog. (Quietly satisfied that another OW is landed with a feckless feck).