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to want to lamp the little seven year old shitbag who's torturing my special needs boy?

(43 Posts)
SelinaKyle Fri 22-Jul-11 13:25:56

My ds is a beautiful, gorgeous, kind, gentle seven year old who wouldn't hurt a living soul and yet his school life is being made an absolute misery by this handsome, popular, sporty little shitbag. And it just makes me so fucking ANGRY because this little bastard has everything, and compared to him my ds has bloody nothing. So why can't he leave my gorgeous boy alone in his little make believe world in a corner of the playground and go play football with anyone of his scores of friends and followers instead of following my ds around and pushing him and calling him brainless?

BoysAreLikeDogs Fri 22-Jul-11 13:27:15

what has school said they are doing to protect your child?

ThatllDoPig Fri 22-Jul-11 13:28:35

The school must have a bullying policy and enforce it. Go in and make a fuss. It doesn't matter that its the end of term. Things need to change for next year and you both don't need the summer hols worrying about it. Feel for you and your ds.

ThatllDoPig Fri 22-Jul-11 13:29:34

by the way, your ds doesn't have 'nothing' he has YOU! Be strong for him and make the school make this stop!

GlitterySkulls Fri 22-Jul-11 13:29:58

i can understand why you'd want to smack him one, obviously you can't actually do it.

what does the school say/ do?

sounds like a very horrible situation sad

tiredemma Fri 22-Jul-11 13:32:16

You have to keep going into the school. we had this with Ds2- every day either DP or I went into the school to complain. They soon dealt with it.

What does your son say about this boy? does your son have friends at all that he can play with?

Allinabinbag Fri 22-Jul-11 13:33:43

I second going in to the school and asking them to enforce the bullying policy. I did this for one of mine, and their response was wonderful and the bully was truly told off, kept in at play, said sorry and was watched like a hawk by all the teachers, and my child was reassured that if they ever did anything like that again, they were to come for help immediately. YOur son won't be able to stand up for himself if he's in his own world/very quiet/has SN, so you will have to do it for him, and at seven, they CAN get on top of this at the school if they want to (not same at 15!) Tell the school, get him to tell the teacher and all work together to sort this out. Make sure they know you simply won't tolerate it for your child.

Wormshuffler Fri 22-Jul-11 13:36:23

Personally I would take it up with the parents of said boy, and if they were not being pro-active in taming their little shitbag, things would get ugly towards the parents. Thankfully I have never been in this situation, but can quite easily see myself saying something along the lines of "if you do not descipline your child, you will have done to you everything he does to DS" .

AuntiePickleBottom Fri 22-Jul-11 13:38:39

i know you are angry, but there is no need to call a 7 year a bastard.

speak to the school or speak to his parents

hester Fri 22-Jul-11 13:43:42

I think we need a special padded cell corner of MN where we CAN go and call children shitbags and bastards, because we can't in RL and sometimes you just need to get it off your chest...

Anyway, OP, many many sympathies. I agree with the others that you are going to have to get really heavy with the school. I have a friend whose ds was getting some racist bullying. When I expressed sympathy, she said, "No need. He's my 3rd child and I know what I have to do. I simply go down the school and say, 'We can do this the hard way or the easy way. But you need to know that I will be this office every single day for the next 6 years if that is what it takes to keep my child safe'."

I'm not saying it's as easy as that. But it really struck me how much she had moved beyond embarrassment and self-doubt, and was completely prepared to do whatever it took to protect her child.

Best of luck.

blackeyedsusan Fri 22-Jul-11 13:47:40

oo hester, i like your friend's style....

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 22-Jul-11 14:31:26

No matter how great the temptation, on no account should you act on Worms advice unless you wish to be perceived as an unreasonable and irrational parent who manifests the same behaviour, or worse, that the little shitbag is exhibiting towards your ds.

Obtain a copy of the school's bullying policy, record every occasion that your ds has experienced maltreatment at the hands of the other child, and raise the issue with your ds's (new?) teacher on the first day of next term either in person or in writing.

If speedy resolution is not achieved, write to the Head Teacher with a cc to the Chair of Governors and make it clear that you expect the school to adhere to its policy and resolve the problem in a timely manner - i.e. immediately.

Please be aware that, sadly, it can be the case that once King (or Queen) Bully has been deposed their vacant throne may be occupied by another unelected monarch and you will need to be vigilant throughout your ds's school years.

chickflit Fri 22-Jul-11 14:32:23

OP you could be talking about my DS. I know exactly what you're talking about, I used to have dreams about getting the little sod who persecuted DS and pinning him in a corner and asking him how he felt now. He made DS' life a misery.

I contented myself with going into the classroom and saying to the teacher that they looked after DS beautifully in the classroom but he was being made miserable in the playground where all he wanted to do was walk around in his own little world, making up stories. They kept a close eye on him after that, got a playground assistant to try and encourage him to play with the other children, but if he didn't want to they tried to watch to make sure he was safe.

I hope things improve for your DS.

DoMeDon Fri 22-Jul-11 14:37:14

I would direct your lamping instincts at the parents- it's abit unfair to be so angry at the child. They are solely responsible for how their 7 year old acts.

DogsBestFriend Fri 22-Jul-11 14:38:56

MN's slow today. It took 8 responses before someone complained about the little bastard being called a little bastard.

YANBU - get hold of the behaviour policy and study it cover to cover, note any breaches, make an urgent appointment to see the headmaster/mistress, list all your issues beforehand and take them with you to refer to plus pen and notepad, tell them what's happening, ask them what they are going to do to stop it and tell them what YOU want them to do.

Then follow up whn you get home with an email detailing all that had been said and agreed in the meeting. Don't omit to do this, it may not be evidence but if the school every conveniently forgets that it said something at least you'll have record of them not denying it when it was put to them in writing. And keep copies of all correspondance!

ImperialBlether Fri 22-Jul-11 14:49:00

No free will in seven year olds then, DoMeDon? When they behave well is that purely down to the parents, too?

I know parental input is massive, as is genetic make up, but in the end this seven year old boy knows what he's doing.

tiredemma Fri 22-Jul-11 14:55:01

seven year olds know what they are doing. My seven year old knows that its unacceptable to be a shitbag and make other kids lives miserable.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Fri 22-Jul-11 15:00:19

The parents may be unaware that their child is bu

Ting yours. I know my DC's school are very lax on communicating problems back to the parents. They have an attitude of 'it's dealt with in school' hmm

DoMeDon Fri 22-Jul-11 15:03:46

They have free will and know what they are doing, but they don't fall far from the tree IME.

Appreciate he is the one doing it, but he has either seen this behaviour or not been sanctioned for his behaviour at home. Parental responsibility cannot be over stated in the terms of DCs tendancies to be shits.

OpinionatedPlusSprogs Fri 22-Jul-11 15:09:00

Could your son manage karate lessons? Seems to scare kids off.

Also take it up with the school. Some kids are just nasty and will only stop if they know they can't get away with it. Obviously lamping the little scrote is not an option.

catgirl1976 Fri 22-Jul-11 15:10:09

He sounds awful. In fact he sounds like a little bastard / shitbag (unsure why it is so shock for someone whose child is being bullied to say that about another child on a forum when they clearly wouldn't do it IRL, but there you go) .

Still he is only 7 so do try not to lamp him. Do what other posters have said and go in and see the school. Get his parents involved.

smallwhitecat Fri 22-Jul-11 15:11:49

Message withdrawn

Allinabinbag Fri 22-Jul-11 15:18:20

I don't think seven year old boys are all just a product of their parents, but they are also at a very impressionable age where they actually need teaching right from wrong. They run in packs in the playground, and if they see that hurting someone else or calling them a name works, they carry on using their new-found power, often with others joining in. They need stopping in their tracks, and at that age, in most cases, being hauled up by the school and your parents and being sat on very very hard works (not literally, obviously!) He needs to be shown that what he has done is wrong, doesn't work, gets you into loads of trouble and makes your own life a misery.

Worm's advice is crap, and only likely to end up in you getting into a verbal or physical fight, as most people will defend their children even if they are in the wrong (or they may be quite bullying themselves).

If direct action is needed, then it should be your child sticking up for themselves against this boy. That doesn't sound possible, so you need to create an alliance, of you, your son and the school taking him seriously and defending him against this bully. That is much more powerful than creating an out of school feud you are unlikely to win (unless you really are the hardest mum in the playground).

I also felt very angry towards the little shit who hurt my child, but now I can see that actually, although he did the wrong thing, he is not actually a little shit but a seven year old boy who needed very firm direction, and he's not all bad at all. Even my children don't bear a grudge and like playing with him now. This is because I didn't let the situation develop but leapt on it like a ton of bricks. Whoever said go into the school on a daily basis til it is sorted is spot on.

timetoask Fri 22-Jul-11 15:20:12

as a mum to a lovely sn boy, I truly understand your frustation OP.
The sad thing is that this 7 year old shitbag will grow to be a fully grown shitbag and will continue to be a bully to those less strong than him if nobody stops him now.

take it up with the school please please please

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Fri 22-Jul-11 15:28:42

ffs 4 is old enough to know not to behave like this bully!

He's a shitbag.

YANBU to want to lamp him, but I'd strongly advise you not to grin

As soon as the school reopens get there and insist they sort this out. In the meantime have a lovely summer with your ds and when you're not doing that, take a mo to check out you school's anti-bullying policy (which will probably be on their website).

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