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to think this is neglect & abuse??

(96 Posts)
asecretlemonadedrinker Thu 21-Jul-11 12:10:16

I am reeling, need to vent. DSs school were not changing him when soiled, calling me to collect, stuffing paper towels down his dirty pants, shutting him alone in small rooms when soiled, telling him off (medical problem BTW) the f ing formal hearing panel have ruled this as not being abuse & neglect. My son was bleeding sometimes on collection, sitting alone in shit on a paper towel.... how is that not child abuse???? They lied and lied, saying they HAD to strip him naked in a corridor because to use the 2nd boys cubical (1st he had smeared excrememnt in) would be unfiar to any boys needing the toilet and they wouldn't want to use the girls cubicals directly opposite! How fucking dare they strip my son naked and make such a pathetic excuse for not maintianing any dignity for him. I am trying to remain so cool and calm throughout all this but they just can't see how awfully they treated DS!!

mummytotwins Thu 21-Jul-11 12:13:29

YANBU I would be fuming! and brokenhearted for my DS

creamola Thu 21-Jul-11 12:16:18

this is one of those 'joke posts' isn't it?

are you bored and just want a fight?

p.s if it's true [embarrassed]

sheeplikessleep Thu 21-Jul-11 12:16:24

OMG, that is terrible, my heart goes out to you and him.
Do not let this go, take it further.

SomethingProfound Thu 21-Jul-11 12:19:27

YADNBU Totally unacceptable! I presume you made a complaint due to the formal hearing can you not take it any further or appeal their decision? If this had happened in a hospital or nursing home it would defiantly be considered neglectful, so why is it different for a school?

sad for you DS, what a horrid experience for him.

GwendolenHarleth Thu 21-Jul-11 12:20:20

Are schools's allowed to change children who have soiled themselves? I thought that they weren't nowadays. Why was your son bleeding on collection. I can see that the school wouldn't want your son to smear excrement in the only remaining boys' loo as not fair on the other children, but they obviously should have found somewhere more private to take the dirty clothes off. Did the school confirm they stripped him naked in a corridor and told him off? That is worrying that your son smeared excrement in the boys' loo. Is he seeing someone about his issues? Poor child.

VelveteenRabbit Thu 21-Jul-11 12:21:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cookcleanerchaufferetc Thu 21-Jul-11 12:23:15

I have seen lots of posts from you and sorry but I think there is probably more to it than you say. However, now that schools have broken up I would look at what is going to be in place next September when he returns. You have 6 weeks to work on things. Spend your time fighting for help in the system rather than having a go at staff.

Sorry, but I do think that your sons needs are beyond that required of a standard teacher. No primary school teacher should need to clean kids of faeces. Your son does have serious problems, especially if he is smearing his pooh on school Walls.

Focus on what help your son needs during the day and who is going to do it, even if it is you making arrangements to go into school to assist.

Pixieonabroomstick Thu 21-Jul-11 12:23:28

Just wanted to say i remember the op posting about this before. Op im so sad for your son. Can you ask for another hearing ?

VelveteenRabbit Thu 21-Jul-11 12:23:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cookcleanerchaufferetc Thu 21-Jul-11 12:24:15

I am really not a hard cow but I have seen lots of posts ranting, which is acceptable, but not sure what you are doing to fight the events. I know it should not be a battle to get help but that is life, you need to fight for extra help. Good luck.

biddysmama Thu 21-Jul-11 12:27:31

i recognise the name as a long term poster so not a joke

thats is ablsofuckinglutely not acceptable!

creamola Thu 21-Jul-11 12:30:21

thanks velveteen

This is outragous.

Is there not a sick bay/nurses station that would be more approriate.

I'd be fuming at the school and in tears for my boy at the same time.

What a horrible situation.

altinkum Thu 21-Jul-11 12:32:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

asecretlemonadedrinker Thu 21-Jul-11 12:36:08

oops, posted but didn't come up. I am not joking, I even rang local safeguarding childrens people and they were like "oh, go down the formal complaint route". They all have eachothers backs, it's unreal. Claim not to have known DS had a medical problem until MArch (as if that's an excuse!) despite me telling them in October. Cannot prove that I did (was at a parents evening, teacher has lied and said we didn't tell her - very odd, given I have his medical records of problems recognised in Oct, that I wouldn't mention that hmm) Liers liers liers.I am so upset I can't even think

Peachy Thu 21-Jul-11 12:36:58

Primary schools will have to clean poo from time to time unless the system for kids with An was magically changed to hold enough p[alces, be available on request and not necessarily limit academic chances to kis who have other needs. Oh and be accessible to communities without long drives.

IE flying pig time.

As fr fighting- I fought like billyoh for my boys yet it took YEARS for palces in appropriate placements to come up. In fact for ds3 there just is not one for comp- either a palcement that can mange his needs but has most kids on P Scales (ASD, average academic ability) or one where they can't really cope but can attempt to teach him. There's a hopeful third option but that involves him attending a school run by another faith which makes me uncomfortable as he won't understand.

SLD it's neglect for sure, I'd talk to the LEA initially then perhaps to social services. Schools CAN change but will need signatures etc and agreement from Head and parents that they going to. However this goes well beyond that- it's humiliation and it's also an apparent breach of the DDA becuase it wouldn;t have been a big change to make the situation different (staff toilets? there will be SOMEWHERE, has been in every school I have worked in).

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 21-Jul-11 12:38:18

Fucking, fucking bastards.

I'm pretty sure I've posted on another thread of yours OP.

My ds had soiling problems. He was only ever treated with compassion and dignity.

Move him.

asecretlemonadedrinker Thu 21-Jul-11 12:39:00

the school board. And obviously they chose to believe the teachers, and sympathise with them - they could not possibly allow the boys to use a girls toilet for a few minutes ! They even asked me why I did not only send him half days, given his medical problem. {bangs head on table} This is abuse? I am not being too OTT? NSPCC were shocked, twice. How are we all wrong??

GwanShoooo Thu 21-Jul-11 12:39:32

what is wrong with your son exactly?

Peachy Thu 21-Jul-11 12:40:28

But from a less combatant standpoint SLD, and a big hug (are you on the Fanjos FB group BTW? Might be a good palce to look, mainly well known MN SN / AN crowd).

Most people in MS education want the best for kids with AN or Sn but they don't necessarily know how to go about getting that. Sometimes you will encounter someone who has a massive attitude problem and thinks it is not their job- I've met one, a former SENCO, would lie to me until I was blue in the face and didn;t even tell me my gorgeous boy was sobbing at the back of the class all day (a friendly governor eventually tipped me off). I thought I was going amd but 'luckily' (sadly) a few otehr aprents had same issues with her.

As far as I can see, several eyars on, the only thing to do if at all possible AFTER making a formal complaint is run. Get the hell away from malevolent arseholes who do not bvalue your child's dignity.

StealthPolarBear Thu 21-Jul-11 12:41:01

Your poor DS sad nothing to add but I'm on your side, YANBU

asecretlemonadedrinker Thu 21-Jul-11 12:43:48

They are now purchasing a screen to ensure it won't happen again. What about my poor son who had to be stripped in a corridor beween 2 classrooms, where any child needing the toilet would have come in to?? I am getting a written apology from the woman who stuffed paper towels down his soiled pants and stood there grinning.... no doubt inwardly mocking him and then told me and him off for "his behaviour" (soiling). I have spent months now going softly softly with this, I just want to scream from the rooftops that the staff in that school are nothing short of child abusers, all in collusion with eachother to backtrack and excuse their awful behaviour. DS was stripped with one teacher, when questioned she said the other teacher was hovering at the door (as she was a yr 1 TA), and in the report just given to me 1/2 hour ago it says that no one would have walked in on DS (from Yr1 anyway) as they were all out at P.E! SO the other ta was clearly not hovering there, it's all a bunch of bloody lies!!

LineRunner Thu 21-Jul-11 12:44:39

Tell us about the formal hearing panel so we can help.

Lucyinthepie Thu 21-Jul-11 12:46:07

Was this a hearing of school governors? If you are not happy then they should have told you what to do next. This should be that you can contact the Local Authority re mediation (which sounds a pretty good idea if your son is returning to the school in September). You can also escalate to the Local Government Obudsman, which I would do in your shoes.
Before anyone gives you wrong advice - the Local Authority has no authority to investigate a complaint against a school. However, what professionals do you have involved with you and your son? If there is an LA officer helping you in any way you should contact them.
I would need a lot more information before I could advise you more on this. Schools are expected to do some changing if required, but if it is a significant problem that happens regularly, and they are going to be in a situation where the fecal matter may be smeared on walls etc, then you're probably going beyond what would be reasonable and some sort of proper arrangements may need to be sorted out. Funding would come into that though, these things are never straightforward.
Anyway, does that give you some sort of direction to go in?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 21-Jul-11 12:46:44

Move him fgs!

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