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to be fucked off and totally had enough of dps parents sponging off him?

(63 Posts)
griffalo2 Wed 20-Jul-11 22:44:12

He is paying their mortgage for them for over 2 years after his dad lost his job,both his mum and dad are now in full time work.they have paid for 2 holidays this year,all new stuff for house including £50 fuckin toaster,his dad is in pub everynight and all weekend,now his mum saying she buying new car.
He is still living at home,were engaged but no chance of getting married cause lack of money,he keeps mentioning he wants a baby and to live together.but he just won't tell them.ive had enough of biting my tongue not to offend him but hes being made a fool of by his own parents.
Should I be putting up with this?
They also 'lend' money off him for petrol or his dads smoking and drinking

squeakytoy Wed 20-Jul-11 22:45:45

I would ring the Jeremy Kyle show if I were you grin

FetchezLaVache Wed 20-Jul-11 22:46:37

Run like the wind!!

MsPlaced Wed 20-Jul-11 22:47:09

Its not the parents you have a problem with, its your "D"P. And if he wanted to live with you and marry you he would do. Seems like a convenient excuse to me.

kayah Wed 20-Jul-11 22:47:48

Why not sit down and discuss future, like 2 grown ups?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 20-Jul-11 22:48:19

He's living with mummy and daddy, why shouldn't he be contributing financially?

aftereight Wed 20-Jul-11 22:51:49

YABU. So he lives with them and pays their mortgage? Could this be him simply paying rent, by another name?
If he pays his parents the going rate (taking utility bills into account) then that is a good thing, yes?
You don't need much money to get married. If he moved out of his parents' house he would no longer pay them rent so could afford somewhere with you. Why is he still living with them?

LadyThumb Wed 20-Jul-11 22:58:21

And they don't 'lend' money off him - they borrow it.

griffalo2 Wed 20-Jul-11 22:58:54

He still living with them because he can't afford to rent or buy whilst paying for them.
Two weeks after pay day hes totally skint and taking money from me.if they were decent people they would put a stop to it now.he doesnt want to fall out with them

magicmummy1 Wed 20-Jul-11 22:59:03

YABU. He is living with them, so why shouldn't he contribute?

Perhaps he doesn't really want to move in with you, and the money is just an excuse...

MsPlaced Wed 20-Jul-11 23:00:09

Bullshit. He doesn't have to give them anything, but clearly he would rather do that than live with you. Take a hint.

griffalo2 Wed 20-Jul-11 23:00:37

Couldnt call it borrow either cause they dont pay it back

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 20-Jul-11 23:00:53

Is he paying their mortgage direct, or is he paying them rent to offset the costs of him living at home?

Either way, it sounds as if he has sufficient income to rent a flat of his own and, clearly, this will not cause financial hardship to his parents as they are both employed.

I thought it was customary not to get engaged until you have some idea of when the wedding will take place unless you're Ken Dodd.

It's time for you to have a Big Talk with your dp and, depending on the outcome, you would be best advised to either cut your losses or get the wedding out of the way before giving any thought to ttc/having dc.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 20-Jul-11 23:01:28

If he really wanted to move out, he'd have a chat with his parents to let them know, and sort out the finances. You know, like grownups do.

magicmummy1 Wed 20-Jul-11 23:01:31

So was he renting his own place before he started helping out with their mortgage?

floweryblue Wed 20-Jul-11 23:02:43

Why are you giving him money? To pay for the rent/expenses he should be paying wherever he lives. Why should his parents pay for his share of the house/utilities/food he uses?

LineRunner Wed 20-Jul-11 23:03:43

Oh dear.

griffalo2 Wed 20-Jul-11 23:03:49

Ok thanks

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 20-Jul-11 23:06:50

In short, no, you should not be putting up with this. Ditch mummy's boy and free yourself.

pictish Wed 20-Jul-11 23:08:29

if his parents are both in gainful employment, then there is nothing stopping him moving in with you. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to.
Sorry OP. x

griffalo2 Wed 20-Jul-11 23:08:58

Mortgage is way more than it would cost livin on his own plus he buys his own food and pays other bills,u could say that they are living with him rent/bill free.

fgaaagh Wed 20-Jul-11 23:09:03

YABU it seems.

It's his money, and he should be contributing to the household he stays in to a reasonable level (you haven't said how much they charge e.g. for food, board - if it's 90% of his takehome pay, fair enough, but if it's a few hundred quid a month they're doing him a favour if it's less than the market rate for a room rental in his area).

However, all of this really isn't anything to do with you until the moment it impacts on his decisions to move out, set up a home together with you - which it sounds like it is. And then you should be confronting his crap management of money (skint 2 weeks after payday etc) to see if you're dealing with a DP who is just feckless, financially, or if he's just a hard worker being bled to death by his parents and working costs. Which end of the scale depends so much on income level, how much he's being charged, where he lives, what his job is, and his attitude, we can't possibly comment to any accurate level here.

But on the surface of things, YABU - needs more detail.

fgaaagh Wed 20-Jul-11 23:10:39

"u could say that they are living with him rent/bill free" - so how much is he paying, where does he live (rough house prices/rental costs) and how much is earning?

It matters not what you consider to be living with his parents whilst they are bill free - it matters whether they're charging him a fair board rate. Which you haven't pinned down here, yet.

MorticiaAddams Wed 20-Jul-11 23:11:32

It depends whether the amount he is paying is a reasonable amount for rent. Of course he should contribute to wherever he is living but it's difficult to say whether it's unreasonable without knowing the amounts involved.

razzlebathbone Wed 20-Jul-11 23:11:36

How old is he?

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