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To ask my dd teacher to keep her away from a boy with suspected ADHD because she is easily distracted

(81 Posts)
pingu2209 Wed 20-Jul-11 17:40:50

My dd has not yet started school. She will start in September. I have been told by the preschool teachers that my dd is very easily distracted and we have concerns that she may have a language disorder, like her eldest brother has. It is really important that she concentrates on what is being said to her or she will be totally disengaged with the class activities.

There is a little boy in her preschool who I would bet money has a behavioural issue. I mean this factually rather than as a 'put down'. I have a neice with ADHD and his actions are very similar to hers.

I am very concerned my dd has a language disorder like her brother. This is a big concern for me. This compounds my view that I really want her to be sat away from the little boy as he has a tendancy to get her in a head lock and pull her to the ground or to grab her by her clothing and swing her round. My dd doesn't like it. I spoke to the preschool and they said that the boy doesn't mean to be horrible, he is just over enthusiastic. In other words, just put up with it.

It will probably be taken negatively by the teachers in Reception - she hasn't even started proper school yet! However, she has had a year in preschool with him.

The preschool is part of the school and there are strong connections between the 2 years - they even swap TAs every now and then to ensure a smooth transition. This won't be news regarding my opinion on the boy, but I think it may well be taken badly because I'm already dictating what I want for my dd before she has even started.

Alibabaandthe80nappies Wed 20-Jul-11 17:43:28

Oh dear.

AgentZigzag Wed 20-Jul-11 17:44:49

I would wait and see how things pan out, it's very early days to be worrying how he'll affect your DD, if at all.

Hopefully not everyone will be thinking the same as you or the little lad will be sitting in a room on his own on the first day of school.

Annpan88 Wed 20-Jul-11 17:46:12

Well maybe wait and see what happens? With her possible language disorder it might just be best to maybe request she sits near the front where she can concentrate easier?

I wouldn't worry about it till she starts and seatings been allocated. I'm sure teachers will take your DD's dislike of rthe boy grabbing her into account anyway

Gastonladybird Wed 20-Jul-11 17:47:19

If you are concerned re dd language disorder then can you mot get that assessed and if necessary help for it.
Your assessment of this other kid is based on guesswork and fact dd not keen on him. You can't really do any more than have done and tbh even that could be seen as excessive .

TotalChaos Wed 20-Jul-11 17:47:25

quite AgentZigzag!. As parent to a child with language delay, I found other children's behaviour neither here nor there - the important thing was whether DS had sufficient understanding to function in the classroom at that age.

IndigoBell Wed 20-Jul-11 17:48:17

I would talk to the school about the suspected language disorder.

I would say preschool have told you she is easily distracted and you are concerned about her.

I wouldn't ask her to be kept away from the other boy. He will probably be sitting next to the TA anyway......

What are you doing about confirming whether or not she has a language disorder? Is she under a SALT?

pingu2209 Wed 20-Jul-11 17:48:17

AgentZigZag - this is exactly why I am not sure I would be reasonable to say anything. Terrible of me isn't it! I have a child with SEN so I know what it is like to feel other parents are deliberately trying to keep their child away from my child because of something he has no control over.

However, I want the best for my dd. I have been told be the schools' teachers that she struggles to concentrate and may have language issues. I don't want another child making it even harder for her to learn.

I know about waiting and seeing how it will pan out - except my dd has been in a class room (albeit a preschool) for a year already. I know that he is disruptive, I have seen it.

Glitterknickaz Wed 20-Jul-11 17:51:00

Well considering this is the child you want to punish for not knowing how to count to a zillion and read at preschool......

Please stop pushing. You can't make your daughter someone she's not.

thisisyesterday Wed 20-Jul-11 17:52:39

what makes you think he will even WANT to sit near your daughter?

noddyholder Wed 20-Jul-11 17:53:55

You need to deal with your own prejudices and when you have those sorted and your daughter has started school and is being distracted by this little boy then deal with it. You have things all over the place

pingu2209 Wed 20-Jul-11 17:54:52

I'm taking my dd to a SALT drop in centre (as soon as I have a date - they haven't phoned back after me calling them twice!). I have also booked for her to be assessed in August by a private SALT. However, she is too young to say a definate Yes or No - I just don't trust the NHS process for assessing. It takes ages and ages - I don't mean months - I mean years!!!

I started private weekly SALT for my ds over 18 months ago - he was seen by the NHS SALT last month! F**king dreadful service.

The school are aware of my SAL concerns. Believe me I will be like a dog with a bone to ensure they assess her and give me extremely regular feedback. I am like that for my ds too - I'm a pain in the bum. However, believe me, at my school, that is the only way to get your SEN child any support.

For your comments re 'I'm sure they will keep her away from him' or 'they will keep him near the TA' etc. I wish that would happen. That is common sence. However, all my years of experience show that you can't just assume that will happen.

I hate having to be the pain in the bum mum for the school. But I know that it is the only way to ensure your child gets what you believe is right for them.

IndigoBell Wed 20-Jul-11 17:56:19

Have you considered moving schools to one with better SN provision?

monkeyfacegrace Wed 20-Jul-11 17:57:08

Christ, you sound like a nightmare parent. Poor lad, he is 4 years old ffs and you want to ban your child from sitting by him?

FWIW, your situation is identical to my dds preschool, so Im wondering if I know you. If, in the tiny weeny chance that its the same school, YABVVVVVVVVVVVU. If its a diff school, I still think YABU.

worraliberty Wed 20-Jul-11 17:59:35

Just wait and see.

YABU though to bring ADHD or any other diagnosis you'd 'bet money on' into this...because your child has a right to a safe and secure education the same as anyone else.

Therefore, just leave it and see if any problems arise. If they do, tackle them then.

pingu2209 Wed 20-Jul-11 18:01:12

Noddyholder - what do you mean by my own prejudices? I am not prejudiced in saying I don't want my child's learning to be disrupted by the behaviour of other children. I wouldn't want her next to a child who was naughty and disruptive because of ADHD or any other reason. Surely that is just normal parental desires for their children's learning.

Glitter - if you have one child with SEN, you will understand that you 'watch' the other child/children to see if they are showing signs. My earlier post was not about expecting her to read at preschool and count to a zillion. Really that is not very helpful at all. Unless you have a SEN child, you can't imagine how much you worry about your other children. And as it turned out, I was right. The teachers do think she is struggling and there may be issues behind it.

Also, the comments re waiting to see what happens. I have seen what happens. My dd and the boy have been at preschool for the last year. I don't need to wait. I know it happens.

2shoes Wed 20-Jul-11 18:03:52

you have decided that a boy has sn even though he might not. very odd.
tell the teacher when she starts your concerns about your child and I would advise not mentioning the boy.

Teachermumof3 Wed 20-Jul-11 18:05:07

How on earth do you expect the teacher to keep this boy away from you daughter?? A cattle prod!?

Teachermumof3 Wed 20-Jul-11 18:05:20


Glitterknickaz Wed 20-Jul-11 18:07:20

pingu.... I've got three autistic kids so I do get the watching for signs thing..... but what will be will be despite whatever you do or don't do, you do realise that don't you?

OrdinaryJo Wed 20-Jul-11 18:09:20


What about if I posted 'my DS is about to start school and I'm really worried he ends up sitting next to this girl with a language difficulty cos she's really easily distracted so she'll end up distracting my DS?'.

It's exactly the same thing and I am speaking as a parent of a child with a diagnosed communication disorder.

And to be honest, I am very shock that you've taken it upon yourself to diagnose another child.

<changes to more supportive tone of voice>

Also, 'real' school isn't like preschool. He won't be allowed to 'grab her in a headlock' because he'll be taking part in lessons, and if he can't do that then school will be supporting him with his behaviour. Teachers really manage things like friendship groups and table plans to avoid this sort of issue.

Shakirasma Wed 20-Jul-11 18:09:42


If your child has got a SAL delay/disorder then it is quite possible she will be the one causing disruption at some point. How would you feel if other ignorant parents took the same attitude towards her as you are taking to this little boy?

They are only 4 ffs. Learning social skills is the main thing at this age, for all children including this boy

ManicMiner Wed 20-Jul-11 18:11:56

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

worraliberty Wed 20-Jul-11 18:14:01

Also, the comments re waiting to see what happens. I have seen what happens. My dd and the boy have been at preschool for the last year. I don't need to wait. I know it happens

Yes they've been to preschool before...not school

Reception class will be totally different. The kids are swapped around and grouped (eventually) on ability.

Therefore it's best to wait and see. If he attacks your DD again, it's time to have a word with the Teacher...but you may find things change in Reception class.

AgentZigzag Wed 20-Jul-11 18:14:03

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

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