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Call me old fashioned if you like but AIBU

(59 Posts)
MrsKravitz Wed 20-Jul-11 11:08:59

In thinking that its inappropriate of someone to give your child alcohol when they stay over.

Child is 16 and mate's Dad bought them beers which they drank until 1 am.

CamperFan Wed 20-Jul-11 11:11:36

YANBU, that sounds completely out of order to me! And illegal surely? But then I only have very small children at the moment, so what do I know?

Mummy2Noah Wed 20-Jul-11 11:18:09

YANBU. I would be having words with the mate's Dad.

WowOoo Wed 20-Jul-11 11:19:55

Not old fashioned. Entirely sensible - you are, I mean.
I'd be wondering why on earth this man thought that was a good idea.WHy?

SleepySuzy Wed 20-Jul-11 11:20:43

They should at least have asked you first.

JenniL1977 Wed 20-Jul-11 11:20:44

Wouldn't you rather, if they were going to drink anyway, that they were doing it under someone's supervision rather than in the park?
It's not illegal afaik - from 5 you can have alcohol, I believe, as long as its supervised (that may be old licensing laws)

twinklingfairy Wed 20-Jul-11 11:21:17

I think it is unreasonable to allow it without the parents prior permission, but is it the law that a 14 year old can have a glass of wine with their dinner/parents?
So, with an adult, in their home a 16yr old can probably have a drink?
That is an actual question, someone please set me straight if I am wrong.

However, a 16yr old, IMO, should not be sitting up till 1am drinking beer unless it is new years, in which case I would still say a beer, OP said 'beers'.

GypsyMoth Wed 20-Jul-11 11:22:40

How many beers did they have?

AMumInScotland Wed 20-Jul-11 11:30:53

Mate's dad ought to have checked with you first - but he may have asked your DS "Do you get to drink beer at home?" and believed the answer!

There's no law against giving your own DC alcohol after the age of 5, and I'm fairly sure there's no law against giving visiting under-18s alcohol, though you are responsible for supervising them and for their general safety.

MrsKravitz Wed 20-Jul-11 11:31:22

I dont know. He did say thigs like "my ate cant handle his beers" and "I was half drunk" so it could be any amount I guess.

MrsKravitz Wed 20-Jul-11 11:31:49

mate not ate

At 16 this is unlikely to be the first time your DS has had a beer - whatever you might think, or what he might say to you. Make sure your DS knows about sensible drinking (ie looking out for his friends and knowing when to stop or slow down) and let him get on with it. He is 16, not 6.

ImASurvivor Wed 20-Jul-11 11:35:11

YANBU. I nearly fell out with my SIL & BIL a while ago when they thought it was ok to give my teen DC a glass of wine with his meal (and not a little glass, a big enough one to make me squiffy confused).

I was pretty shocked at the time and definitely thought they were BU, not me! When somebody is underage, you check with the parents, surely?

MrsKravitz Wed 20-Jul-11 11:36:17

No its not the first time he has had beer but I certainly thin its inappropriate for a parent to supply someone else's child with beer without their consent.

Collaborate Wed 20-Jul-11 11:40:42

I recall at 16 I'd had quite a few beers.

Each to their own. Presumably you've made your views known to the other parent (and your son's terribly embarassed about all the fuss?).

You're entitled to parent your children how you want. Just remember though that at 16 legally he can join the army so I wouldn't begrudge a few beers provided he's not getting trolleyed.

TheCrackFox Wed 20-Jul-11 11:41:36

Hmm, not sure about this one really mainly because DH left home when he was 16. They are pretty much adults and at some stage you have to just trust that they will make the right decision.

My 16yr old next door neighbour went to T in the Park last weekend and I am positive that she would have had plenty more than a couple of beers.

MrsKravitz Wed 20-Jul-11 11:44:15

I have no objection to a young man having a few beers. I just think a drinking sesson like that, when your child has gone to someone's house, is inappropriate. he went over in the evening and we got a text at 1 am saying he was staying over. He arrived home to say they had been up to then as the Dad bought them beers so they sat up drinking watching funny you tube clips.

D414 Wed 20-Jul-11 11:46:09

YANBU but that pales into insignificance in comparison to another parent's treatment of my friend's 16 year old. The lass had a tantrum with her parents over the usual teenage things and called her friend to rant. The next thing her parents knew, the friend's father and brothers turned up to collect her and take her to live with them!!!!! The lass is now being given cigarettes by them, drinking alcohol, out until whenever she likes and sleeping with their 22 year old son under their roof.

MrsKravitz Wed 20-Jul-11 11:47:26

Bloody hell! d414

D414 Wed 20-Jul-11 11:49:40

I think the parents words are a bit stronger than that at the moment, MrsKravitz but they have been told that there is nothing they can really do. They can apply to the court as the lass is under 17 but unless she's vulnerable (meaning special needs or similar I think) the courts are very unlikely to do anything.

TheCrackFox Wed 20-Jul-11 11:50:11

Legally a 16 yr old can leave home and shack up with a 22 yr old. However, I wouldn't like my children to do the same but there is nothing you can do to stop them.

AMumInScotland Wed 20-Jul-11 11:50:25

TBH I think your complaint should be more to your son for texting at 1am to say he wouldn't be back - my DS would get a right bollocking for that, rather than for the beer! I expect to know by a reasonable hour whether to expect him back at night, and I don't expect "popping over to a mates for the evening" to become a late-night bender without some warning.

stickylittlefingers Wed 20-Jul-11 11:51:01

I'd be glad that he told you, tbh, and hope that we will keep telling you things as he gets older (which he won't if he thinks you'll get cross).

Now I have my own children, I think YANBU, but I do remember being taken out by schoolteachers to a lovely country pub when I was 16, and we got completely ratarsed. It was a reward for having been so good and responsible at school, believe it or not!!

Was a good night, though wink

stickylittlefingers Wed 20-Jul-11 11:51:48

he will tell you things, not we. blush

Ambergambler Wed 20-Jul-11 12:05:58

Having grown up in the licensed trade, I can tell you that it isn't illegal. I can understand how you feel, but as has been metioned, supervised 16 year olds having a couple of beers is far better than them sneaking off with super strong cider /lager or even worse spirits. I am assuming he told you about this in the first place? Which is a good sign, he isn't being secretive and feels he can talk to you.
Don't make a huge deal of it, otherwise he will hide things in future. Just sit him down and discuss it maturely. Explain that spirits / strong alcohol will just ensure that he feels awful the following day, and can be very dangerous and also tend to taste awful. If he wants to have a couple of beers, I'm sure you would rather know about it, so just give him some guidance. All my life I have seen teenagers turning up at the pub, having consumed silly strength alcohol in secret and the mess that follows. In most cases, they have been completely forbidden alcohol, and are railing against authority. There will be people who disagree, but I would say at 16 it is important to encourage safety and responsibility than just a blanket 'you can't have that'. Educate your son about the effects, hangovers, about the accisents you can end up having, give him the whole picture. Possibly even describe an event where you may have had a few drinks and really enjoyed, but balance it against a time when maybe you wish you had consumed a little less alcohol. He will appreciate your honesty.
Most importantly, explain exactly what he should do if he thinks one of his friends has had far too much to drink: try to find out exactly what they have had, involve a responsible adult ( any punishment is better than other possible consequences). If they collapse, put them in the recovery position in case they are sick. If they are unconcious, get medical help immediately.
Tell him to make sure he never decides to drink / takes alcohol offered to him if he has taken any medication, and the same if he hasn't eaten a decent meal. Both will help to keep him safe.
*I am not saying encourage drinking,by any means. Do encourage open and honest communication and save yourself from problems further down the line.

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