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To Be Scrubbing House In Prep for HV visit tomo in spite of HORRID day

(15 Posts)
HorribleDay Tue 19-Jul-11 21:12:52

AIBU to be spending the evening scrubbing the (already clean and tidy) house in prep for HV visiting tomo - for nothing more than a chat and a referral to allergy clinic for DS 7 months. I am all anxious and argghhhh.

Suspect the fact that my last HV told me 'people with PND should really be in hospital' though not quite as nicely as that may be contibuting to nervousness. She's now on 'Gardening Leave' - mine wasn't the only complaint to GP...

Why am I cleaning the inside of my fridge FGS? She won't be looking in there! Gah.

My MIL died this morning. I feel wretched and horrible. And instead of doing the sensible thing and cancelling HV, I am cleaning and terrified if I cancel she'll start thinking I have 'something to hide'. And I am fully aware this is a ridiculous thought to have. It has been such a hideous day. And I am aware that all this issues are all mixed up in my over emotional head (though did write Cleaning List a week ago when visit was arranged....).

Somebody slap me (gently) and maybe provide some brew or, better, wine .

happytree Tue 19-Jul-11 21:16:13

Just wanted to say so sorry for your loss, and for what it's worth, I'm obsesive about cleaning when anybody comes to my house - even my own family. It's exhausting but compulsive.
Leave the fridge though, grab a wine

arsenicandoldlace Tue 19-Jul-11 21:16:29


Have done the same thing. Its a sad state of affairs tbh.

I think the system needs a slap not you!

DogsBestFriend Tue 19-Jul-11 21:16:53

Or maybe you're cleaning for "something to do"? I know that I often find work for myself like that if I'm worried and/or upset.

Don't tire yourself out, have a long soak in the bath and that cuppa or glass of wine, relax and don't punish yourself. You have had enough upset already and for that sad loss, I'm so very sorry.

BelleDameSansMerci Tue 19-Jul-11 21:17:39

Please try to calm down; stop cleaning; have a cup of tea or hot chocolate? Is there anyone in RL you can talk to?

arsenicandoldlace Tue 19-Jul-11 21:17:40

soory for your loss also! sorry had wine so not on the ball

AuntiePickleBottom Tue 19-Jul-11 21:19:56

sorry for the loss off your MIL.

however on my 1st my HV was worried as the house was too clean as it also a sign of pnd

marriedinwhite Tue 19-Jul-11 21:20:47

Sorry about your MIL. Don't cancel the HV or tell her what's going on - she'll be on your tail like a rat up a drainpipe. Spend the time looking after yourself and baby and DH though and not making the place spotless for the HV. I never met one I didn't think needed a good wash! Just stay calm and polite.

HorribleDay Tue 19-Jul-11 21:27:36

I just want to bawl and think you're absolutely right-cleaning keeping me busy. Hot choc sounds good :-)

It was also first time DS has been left with friends for more than 2 hours, he spent 2 nights with good friends while I looked after MIL with DH until she died this morning-bless him he loved the fuss and attention! Tho did give me huge excited leg kicking grins when I picked him up today.

It was a horrible and traumatic few days. Much as I'm not keen on HV I'm projecting grief and anger and upset onto her visit. they generally make me feel anxious and judged - am normally so confident, reduced to insecure wreck tonight by impending visit rather than mildly nervous cleaning woman.

HorribleDay Tue 19-Jul-11 21:31:25

DH staying with FIL tonight. I'm having an 'easier to vent to strangers than talk to RL people' evening.

As a total aside, I love MN for the lovely supportive people who share virtual wine and condolences :-)

HorribleDay Tue 19-Jul-11 21:37:37

And the cleaning-PND thing was something I was told to watch for at last child protection training - even crazier that I'm scrubbing as I KNOW professionally that a messy-but-clean house usually = parents spending time with DC rather than obsessively cleaning.... Amazing how grief +/- fear of New HV screws with logically brain parts...

Sorry am rambling. Calming to 'vocalise' thoughts.

reallytired Tue 19-Jul-11 23:25:11

Most HVs are reasonable people trying to help you. You don't feel up to having the health visitor then re arrange the appointment. They only pester you if you constantly re arrange appointments or play silly games like not answering the door. Tell her that your family has had a close brevement and you would prefer her to visit in a couple of weeks.

I have never done extra cleaning for the health visitor. Unless your house looks like the local tip they won't care.

A good health visitor is actually there to look after you. Most health visitors I have met are very sweet if not a little batty.

lisianthus Wed 20-Jul-11 09:08:00

It's not compulsory to have one, you know. I don't, and it's been fine. I can certainly understand why you feel this way, given all the stories about them on here. Hang in there!

PrincessJenga Wed 20-Jul-11 09:29:50

Sorry you've had such a hard time of it. I don't think you were being at all unreasonable to clean. It was probably your way of taking back some control after a sad event that you couldn't prevent. I wasn't here to offer wine last night, so can I give you brew and toast this morning?

I hope the visit goes well.

HorribleDay Wed 20-Jul-11 10:59:11

Thank you lovely people :-) She's just left, very nice and seems to be a tad more sensible than previous encounters! Even told us that we were right to wean at 20 weeks because of allergy and took link to reports and papers we'd researched.

And I now have a shiny clean house to boot :-)

Now have to face reality of beloved MIL's sad death so quite emotional this morning - tea and toast very welcomed :-)

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