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Am i being unreasonable to say nothing?

(11 Posts)
Velvetunderground Tue 19-Jul-11 16:27:06

A friend of mine has been having an affair with a married man. All the women in our group of friends know this and it has been going on for a few years. The man is not happy in his marriage but will not leave his wife as she has depression and he thinks she would not cope on her own. The married man and his wife have not had sex in 3 years.

Last night she told us all that she had ended it with the married man as she no longer wanted to be the OW. Everyone said "Well done" and words of that effect.

I left to get more drinks and I did not comment on it at all. I just felt wrong to congratulate someone for not being the OW. I'm not morally superior and think people have the right to make their own choices, but I couldn't say congrats to something I think shouldn't have happened in the first place.

Am I wrong? Should I have said congrats to my friend and offer my support?

bargainhuntingbetty Tue 19-Jul-11 16:28:21

No if that is how u feel u are better to not say anything at all. i think you did the right thing xx

LadyThumb Tue 19-Jul-11 16:28:37

You don't have to say 'congrats' - but you could have said "I think you've done the right thing at last".

squeakytoy Tue 19-Jul-11 16:30:07

Do you and this band of friends know the wife?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 19-Jul-11 16:32:22

The married man and his wife have not had sex in 3 years.

Was that verified by the News of the World before it became defunct, or does your coven engage in remote viewing on a regular basis grin

Velvetunderground Tue 19-Jul-11 16:37:39

Sorry no i do not know the wife and all of it has come from my friend. I have tried to keep out of it and not comment one way or the other, or change the subject if i could. I dont want to judge her but i can't say that i am ok with what she has done.

I think the no contact thing is to try and force him to leave, but i'm just guessing.

In every other aspect my friend is nice its just this that i dont agree with.

Velvetunderground Tue 19-Jul-11 16:40:21

Is it just me that finds it odd to congrats someone for not being the OW? confused

WhoAteMySnickers Tue 19-Jul-11 16:40:26

YANBU to not say anything at all to your friend.

And of course the married man has told your friend that he and his wife haven't had sex in 3 years, they all say that.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Tue 19-Jul-11 16:43:39

Congrats for coming to your senses?

There is nothing wrong in not saying anything, why are you questioning your reaction?

Velvetunderground Tue 19-Jul-11 16:48:56

I am questioning my reaction because 5 other people all said congrats and i was the only one who didn't say anything. I started thinking it was because i am young and idealistic naive

Bizkit Tue 19-Jul-11 17:07:52

They probably just meant well done for finally seeing sense, Im sure they cant think it was okay for her to do it in the first place.
If this man truely wants to be with her, he will think about telling his wife he is unhappy and wants to leave

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