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by being sick?

(58 Posts)
Maggy78 Tue 19-Jul-11 15:36:27

Bit of background: I live at home (moved back in to save for house, moving out in 7 weeks). We live in the country and neither of my parents drive.

Last night my Mum asked would I take her and Dad to the graveyard mass for my Nan, which is tonight. I said no problem. Today I had soup for lunch and have been feeling really nauseous ever since. The graveyard is in the middle of no where with no toilets and I really don't feel up to driving for 40 minutes, standing for an hour and then driving 40 minutes back home.

So I called home to let parents know (there was a chance they could organise a lift with either my mums sister or Dads brother). Anyway my Dad answered the phone and I told him. He didn't say much. My Mum called me back bout half an hour later asking was I ok, and then telling me my Dad was in very bad form. I asked why and it's because I can't take them!! I said it to Mum that it's not like I planned on being sick and I usually take them and she said I didn't take them last year either (which I honestly don't remember but she obviously does)

Now I know there's going to be an atmosphere when I go home. My parents are VERY old fashioned and as I'm an only child basically I should do everything for them. But sometimes it's just physically not possible.

AM I being unreasonable?

OldRedEyes Tue 19-Jul-11 15:39:31


saladsandwich Tue 19-Jul-11 15:43:23

i think if you are only feeling nauseous then take them

thisisyesterday Tue 19-Jul-11 15:43:29

no yanbu.

is there anyone else at all who could take them? if not then maybe arrange a taxi?

wilkos Tue 19-Jul-11 15:44:02


and incidentally - if you were really feeling poorly how come you are up to posting on here but not able to take your parents?

cookingupababy Tue 19-Jul-11 15:45:04

Unless you have actually been sick, then yes i think yabu, especially
as i assume you are at work at the moment, and feel well enough to carry on working.

happywheezer Tue 19-Jul-11 15:46:38

You should arrange something else for them.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 19-Jul-11 15:47:39

where are you now? If you're so sick that you can't take your parents tonight, then shouldn't you be heading home? If you're feeling queasy but you're well enough to be at work and you aren't actually being sick, then it would be nice of you to at least try. You're living with them, so you can save for a house - they didn't have to do that. It's really benefitting you. This is not a routine trip to the shops that can be done any time. It's something important to them.

'I'm feeling sick. I'm at work (or wherever) now and not planning on coming home early, but I anticipate being too sick to drive you tonight' smacks of excuse.

Worst case scenario - you pull over and throw up. You'll get over it. There are worse expulsions wink And you can always stay in the car and wait for them.

pozzled Tue 19-Jul-11 15:49:28

Only you know how bad you feel. It's obviously important to them, so if it were me I'd have to be feeling pretty damn bad to let them down.

Are the other relatives not able to take them?

Maggy78 Tue 19-Jul-11 15:49:43

I am at work yes. For 10 more minutes. It's just the fact that I'd be standing outside for an hour (this is a proper graveyard mass, it's not in a church) with no bathroom nearby that worries me. I do feel fairly close to throwing up and if I get sick there I'd still have to drive 40 minutes home.

halcyondays Tue 19-Jul-11 15:52:12

YANBU, can't they get a lift with one of their siblings!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 19-Jul-11 15:53:39

You don't need to stand for an hour. You will be driving there, so your car will be there, so if you feel ill, you can go back to the car. You can throw up behind it if you need to grin

If you really feel you can't do it, can you book a taxi for them? or arrange a lift for them?

michelleseashell Tue 19-Jul-11 15:56:46

Hard to say yes or no. It depends on whether you make a lot of excuses with them or if they are particularly unforgiving of you ever letting them down. However it does sound like this is something quite important that you need a very good excuse for not following through with. I think unless you actually vom, you should go

Fimbo Tue 19-Jul-11 15:58:36

What are you going to do about getting home anyway if you feel like you are about to throw?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 19-Jul-11 15:59:39

You may not feel nauseous tonight but, in any event, feeling nauseous is not the same as throwing up and actually 'being sick'.

I suggest you take some Gaviscon, a glass of Andrew's, or similar, now and set off on the drive to the cemetary 15 mins earlier in a case of 'accidents' - take a bucket and a few bottles of water plus toothbrush and paste. Stop if you need to upchuck, and stay in the car if you don't feel up to standing at the graveside.

You'll get brownie points if you perform this not very onerous chore for your parents without acting the martyr, and double points if you complete the journey without sighing.

squeakytoy Tue 19-Jul-11 16:01:19

YABU. You could take them, and wait in the car, with a sickbag if needs be...

OldRedEyes Tue 19-Jul-11 16:05:07

you are well enough to go to work, so imho well enough to do something for your parents that obviously means a lot,

sounds like you let them down last time as well sad

manicinsomniac Tue 19-Jul-11 16:09:07

sorry, I think you are being unreasonable. It obviously means a lot to them and you are going to feel sick whether you are there or at home so it doesn't really matter to you.

You don't have to stand, you can wait in the car. You could even have a nap if you feel that rough. Take a carrier bag if there aren't any toilets or just be sick in a bush.

NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe Tue 19-Jul-11 16:09:23

ynbu for feeling put out. but yabu for trying to get out of the engagement.
you can take ginger biscuits, or even some water with ouy - it's probably jsut the soup that disagreed with you.

it does sound like they think you're creating an excuse, and you'll have your car with you that you can sit in if you feel ill again.

and i'm guessing the graveyard has grass? then puke into that, in a dark corner - noone will notice.
(but tkae some wipes and some mints to clean yourself up afterwards)

FlubbaBubba Tue 19-Jul-11 16:13:20

So are you going to listen to the (sought after) advice here, and take your parents to your nan's mass?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Tue 19-Jul-11 16:16:06

I don't think you are being unreasonable. If you feel too unwell to go then you can't go, simple as that!

I can't believe people on here are saying you should go anyway! What if you get the poops! Are you going to do that in a sick bag as well confused

takethisonehereforastart Tue 19-Jul-11 16:21:04


Only you know how bad you feel. I had a bug this weekend that made me feel very sick and I wished I could be because I thought I'd feel better if only it would all just come out.

I was lucky I was at home and it was a weekend, because DH was here to care for LO and I wasn't at work. I spend a lot of time sitting very still, trying very hard not to move. Driving would have finished me off.

So if you have stayed at work because it's physically less upsetting than leaving for the journey home I can understand why you have stayed.

And if all you want to do is come home and crawl into bed and suffer quietly then I understand that too.

I've had times when I've trying to cope at work to the end of the day because it's not so easy to just leave, ill or not, and then just gone home and collapsed into bed.

I wouldn't want to go to a service and risk being ill in the car or in the graveyard. Is the service just for your grandma or for other people too.
Is it a yearly thing the church do for everyone? Because if it is then you really shouldn't go and risk being ill and perhaps spoiling it for everyone.If there will be lots of others at the service remembering their own loved ones then they won't appreciate someone throwing up through it all, especially if you might have some bug that is catching.

And if it's something your parents organise every year just for your nan then surely other relatives will be going and can take them.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Tue 19-Jul-11 16:21:20

Yeah you're right Flubba, she should take the advice of strangers on here about the state of her own stomach and how likely she is too puke or shit everywhere hmm. It may have been sought after advice but I suspect it was a more of "are my parents being unreasonable"

BootyMum Tue 19-Jul-11 16:23:06

I think all you people saying OP should drive parents to the mass are completely mad!!! And entirely unkind to boot!

The OP is feeling nauseous, she may have a stomach bug and be contagious. I mean for God's sake people. 'm sure her parents will appreciate getting sick so long as they get the lift they were expecting hmm

OP you are unwell. Your parents are being VVU expecting you to drive them 40 mins both ways and spend an hour at a graveside.

This is the risk people take because they can't or won't get a driver's license [and I speak as someone who doesn't have a driver's license]. Your parents should get a taxi if they are unable to arrange another lift. Such is life!

I was just wondering why exactly are your parents so upset that you are now unable to go? Is it that they particularly needed your support at your Nan's mass [from your OP it doesn't sound as if she died recently?] or is it that they are miffed that they no longer have a lift?

If the first, I have some sympathy, if the second reason I think your parents are being selfish, childish and VVU!!!

FlubbaBubba Tue 19-Jul-11 16:26:24

well whosegotmyeyebrows they should change "AIBU" to "please agree with me because I've come on here to have a moan"

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