To issue the following rules to my dd's for the summer holidays

[brassick]

Bit of background. Dd's are 12 and 14 and therefore will be left alone for some days during the holidays. I am fed up to the back teeth of coming home after a hard day at work to find the house a tip and the basics not done. So I have come up with the following rules, and plan to put them up on the noticeboard / fridge at home for all to see. It is necessary to spell things out to them, as they are very good at pleading ignorance "you didn't say we can't use the floor as a rubbish bin" (for example)

"1.You will be given £20 per week spending money. This is to cover all extra food / snacks you wish to eat, all activities you wish to take part in, and includes costs for travelling to and from activities. If you need extra money, you will need to fund it from your pocket money. This money will also be given for weeks you are away from home [staying with both sets of grandparents for a week each].

2.Food for lunches will be provided. No money is to be taken from the Spar box [box we have for day to day grocery money] for lunches. If you don't wish to eat what is provided, you should use your own money to buy lunch.

3.No friends are to come into the house without agreeing it with a parent first. If you aren't able to get hold of a parent to get permission, then you must not have friends round. If friends do come round, they should be entertained in the children's sitting room, and not in the living room.

4.There are certain chores that should be carried out every day. If necessary, a rota can be established to determine who should carry out the chores on each day. Chores MUST be completed by 5pm. If you are going to be out of the house until after 5pm, chores should be completed before going out.

Chores are:
Emptying dishwasher (if relevant)
Removing crockery (plates, bowls, cups, glasses, cutlery) from all rooms and putting into the dishwasher
Clearing all rubbish from all rooms and putting into relevant bins
Picking up clothes and taking to relevant bedrooms
Putting shoes into shoe cupboard
Tidying up anything else left lying around in inappropriate places (books, magazines, laptops, shopping bags etc, etc)
Checking the milk supply and purchasing from Spar if necessary
Bringing in empty bins / recycling bins on a Friday
Preparing the tea when requested
Any other ad-hoc chores that you may be asked to do on a daily basis"

AIBU? Is there anything obvious I have forgotten?

[sparkle12mar08]

Ha ha ha ha! Good luck with that!

[mousymouse]

• no painting on walls
  
• house needs to be tidy by 5pm each day

[ljgibbs]

I'd tell them the £20 would only be given if the jobs were completed first.

[maypole1]

If you fail to follow my rules you will each be staying with a set of grand parents or the whole six weeks



I think my final rule finishes your off nicely

[Tidey]

The chores part sounds like an awful lot to ask them to do, tbh. Maybe start by saying 'I would like the house tidied before I get home', and see what they do. If they then need it clarified, use a list. The list reads like they're being punished for something they haven't done yet.

[ljgibbs]

Or failure to follow my rules results in you (your DDs) paying for a daily cleaner with the money you are giving them for spends each week.

[usualsuspect]

I would say tidy up any mess that you make

and leave it at that

[brassick]

I don't think the chores are a lot to do - it's basically tidying up after themselves (apart from the dishwasher I guess, although their dishes go in there as well!). Dh and I don't leave crockery lying around, nor do we leave rubbish, clothes and general crap lying around.

I have tried a more "general" approach before, but their standards and mine are different. To my mind, by writing a list, they have no excuse - dd1 in particular is very good at remembering exactly what has been said and finding any possible pedantic loophole that she can - if it's written down, there is no chance of "misunderstanding"

I think I will say something like "failure to adhere to these rules may result in the reduction of the £20 the following week"

I just find it infuriating to get home to a mess and to be met with rolling eyes and resistance when I ask for it to be tidied up.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

I think the chores are reasonable for a 12 and 14 year old and I'd probably add hoovering to it .

I'd also make a cash deduction on a daily basis if they fail to follow the rules.

Discipline is necessary if self-discipline isn't present.

[SpecialFriedRice]

I think your cleaning rules are great. You're not asking them to gut the whole house from top to bottom. Its just light chores to keep the house looking tidy.

I would probably add something about spending money being lost if they don't adhere to the rules. Just so they dont think they can get away with not doing what you've asked.

If its important to you perhaps add in you expect their beds to be made daily and their rooms reasonably tidy (ie, you can see the floor). I know when kids are on hol and spending more time in their room it has a tendancy to end up a total tip!

[pinkbraces]

we had a family meeting last night on this very subject, mine our 17 and 15. Ive just had a text from 17 yr old to say she has just done some ironing, I think Ive entered a parrallel universe :)

[brassick]

I have definitely learnt the hard way that assuming a teenager will do something is definitely making an ass out of me...

[northerngirl41]

Oh good luck with that - I predict "that's so UNFAIR! It's not MY mess.... I told HER to do it..." etc. Could you assign each daughter specific tasks so there's no arguments?

[JanMorrow]

my mum used to leave us lists in the holidays, just things like

"empty dishwasher"
"push load of washing on and hang up when done"
"clean kitchen sink"
"put washing away"

Things as and when needed. We didn't need to be told to keep things generally tidy.. or to not invite people around, that was a given! We didn't get extra money for "things" either.. why not give them the money if they've been good and done their jobs (ie a reward) or as and when needed? £20 a week on top of pocket money is fairly generous I'd say?

[valiumredhead]

The chores part sounds like an awful lot to ask them to do, tbh

You're kidding surely? My 10 year old does all that apart from getting an evening meal and by 12 he will be more than capable! Actually he's capable now but tea would be omlette every night as that is the only hot meal he can cook by himself so far!

[controlpantsandgladrags]

Definitely add at the bottom that their weekly spending money will be reduced if the chores aren't done.

[cottonreels]

Sounds good. Also agree on cash deduction for chores not done. If you can, maybe you could also add a reward for all jobs achieved with minimum fuss at the end of a week (sleepover with a friend, trip out??).
Will they fight over who does the hardest/most chores? If so, 20 mins now sorting who does what might save a lot or sorting battles later?

[brassick]

I agree that it would be better to link the £20 to doing chores, so will reword to reflect that, and also like separating out chores and tidying their own mess.

I do realise £20 sounds generous, but it actually works out better than constantly handing out £5 here, £2 there etc. It also teaches them to budget. I am very good at being harsh and saying "you knew the rules, hard luck"

In terms of avoiding the (inevitable) "I ALWAYS do it", "She's too bossy" etc etc, this is why I've mentioned a rota - so they will end up tidying each other's mess, but it will be FAIR (which is dd1's absolute mantra).

[brassick]

I honestly thought I would get a severe flaming for this - nice to know I'm not alone in my way of thinking.

[valiumredhead]

OP we had rules like that anyway when my sister and I were growing up - your list is very similar to our household rules AND we had to iron too!

[brassick]

Hey, Maryz, you sound like a woman after my own heart.

Last year (before we had a children's sitting room) I put a sign on our living room door which said "By order of the Management, No eating AT ALL in this room by anyone under the age of 18" I couldn't take any more mess.

[noyouhavehadawee]

I think i would add in a big boonus wekly job like changing all the bedding just to get value for money out of the situation - i would also definielty make it clear £20 is the max and following weeks will be reduced for failure to adhere to the chores . I am a meany though and my 4 yr old is gettign ace at emptying the dishwasher (after i have removed the knives!)

[northerngirl41]

Maryz - I am now seriously considering instigating this for my DH.... Brilliant!