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To not invite this boy to DS's birthday party?

(145 Posts)
DarlingDuck Mon 18-Jul-11 08:19:47

DS is 5. There is a boy in his class who is often very unkind to DS and the other children, we have had to go into the school about 4 times because of it and it made DS's first year at school really awful. The boy is in DS's group of friends although says mean things and hits/pokes them all regularly.

DS's 6th birthday is coming up and he is adamant he doesn't want this boy to be invited although all the other boys in the class are going to be. The boy had his bday a few weeks back and DS was invited. I have reasoned with DS but he just really doesn't want him to come, AIBU not to invite him?

CrapolaDeVille Mon 18-Jul-11 08:22:47

i would be tempted to tell his mother that he can come if she does.....

MumblingRagDoll Mon 18-Jul-11 08:23:41


He could have SN or have a bad home life.....invite him and watch him like a hawk....all kids deserve a chance. Next year you can think again.

bubblesincoffee Mon 18-Jul-11 08:23:54

If you are going to have a whole class party then YABU.

I don't believe in forcing children to have others that are mean to them at their party, but you have the option of having a smaller party.

This boy is presumably only 5 or 6 himself, it is not right for you to upset him because of this.

Your ds has to be given the choice of having this child there, or having a smaller party.

TartyMcFarty Mon 18-Jul-11 08:24:26

YABU not to give him the benefit of Tue doubt at least once. You only have to look at the threads on exclusion to understand why. If you really don't want him there then don't invite all the other boys. Could you perhaps chat to his parents about his behaviour, then give them the invitation both to sweeten the blow and in anticipation that they will address the problem with him before the party?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Mon 18-Jul-11 08:24:48

Did your DS go to the other boys party? If he did, I think it would be unfair to exclude him from your DS's party. If he didn't, well....I never force my DC to be friends with anyone.

Jelly15 Mon 18-Jul-11 08:25:17

I couldn't leave just one child out. Did your son accept the invitation to this boys birthday party? If he did it would be two faced to not invite the boy back. Just keep a close eye on this boy at the party.

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 18-Jul-11 08:26:37

I think you do need to invite him.

And I'd rather he was there minus the parents as would pull him up on any nasty behaviour.

Its hard though for your DS - we've had similar this year with my eldest - thankfully he's in a different class next year.

DarlingDuck Mon 18-Jul-11 08:27:51

Yes he did go. I have put an invitation in DS's bag for the boy which prompted tears from DS because on Friday the boy was calling him 'freak' and screaming at him sad

GooseyLoosey Mon 18-Jul-11 08:28:35

You cannot leave one child out. You need to explain to your ds that if he has all the boys it needs to be ALL of the boys, otherwise, you can have a smaller party with just some of the boys. You also need to reassure him that you will be on top of this child and you or dh will ensure that he does nothing at all to spoil ds's birthday. You then need to make sure that one of you does keep an eye on him.

DarlingDuck Mon 18-Jul-11 08:29:58

I did feel sorry for the boy but I must admit my patience has worn out, I am sick of my son taking the brunt of his behaviour, it's not fair

usualsuspect Mon 18-Jul-11 08:32:16

Don't have all class parties ,saves a lot of party angst

MumblingRagDoll Mon 18-Jul-11 08:32:42

It's a life lesson for DS.....being the bigger person is not easybut it is the right thing to do.

The little boy must have a crap life....where is he getting things like "freak" from? Home probably. Leaving him out is just reinforcing the negativity.

DarlingDuck Mon 18-Jul-11 08:35:56

He is very 'spoilt', for want of a better word, by his parents, who will buy him anything. He doesn't have any brothers and sisters of his own so perhaps hasn't had to learn to get along with other children? I really don't know.

Baileysismyfriend Mon 18-Jul-11 08:36:14

As your DS went to his party you have to invite him, why did your DS go to his party if he doesn't like this boy?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Mon 18-Jul-11 08:38:56

Yeah, if your DS went to the party, I'm afraid you can't then not invite the child.

littlemisssarcastic Mon 18-Jul-11 08:39:34

You both seem really unhappy to be inviting this boy, so why don't you just have a smaller party, then DS can choose a few of his favourite friends to go???

MumblingRagDoll Mon 18-Jul-11 08:39:36

Just tell DS that you will be watcching the boy and wont let him be'redoing the right thing...hard as it is, it's about social duty when they're this little.

DarlingDuck Mon 18-Jul-11 08:40:35

I did try to reason this with DS. I think I'll try and talk to him again later

Geordieminx Mon 18-Jul-11 08:41:01

If this kid is so horrible to your ds the WTF did he go to his party? Talk about two faced! You don't like him, your ds doesn't want him at his party but you are prepared to accept his hospitality???

No chance. You tell your ds to suck it up unfortunately, it's one of life's lessons.

sunnydelight Mon 18-Jul-11 08:44:27

If your son went to the other boy's party I don't really see how you could even think about not inviting him. Leaving just one or two kids out when it's a whole class party just isn't on anyway IME which is why it's a bad habit to get into.

It is your child's party so I think it is fair enough to have a zero tolerance for any personal nastiness, keep an eye out an intervene if necessary but don't start the party determined to find fault. At the end of the day you are the grown up so should be able to be firm without being unkind.

pigletmania Mon 18-Jul-11 08:52:47

Yanbu at all, why the he'll should your ds invite a boy that bullies him and has made his life at school bad. Some kids are plain nasty they don't necessarily have to have SN. I am speaking as someone who had SNs at school and have a dd with SN. I was only invited to 2 parties in the whole of 7 years. My behaviour was not bad, never hurt anyone, just I was developmentally delayed and the slowest in the class. Just have a few friends and a small party.

yoshilunk Mon 18-Jul-11 08:57:37

OP If you're going to ask for opinions and advice then maybe hang around a bit and listen to it before acting?

In less than 10 minutes you went ahead and upset your DS by inviting the kid anyway confused grin

DarlingDuck Mon 18-Jul-11 09:01:09

yoshilunk - No, I didn't. I put the invite in DS's bag which prompted tears from DS and me starting this thread

CQrrrneee Mon 18-Jul-11 09:01:46

I hope he's not the only child not invited. If so, then that's not on.

'He is very 'spoilt', for want of a better word, by his parents, who will buy him anything. ' How on Earth do you know this?

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