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To be upset at the way these "friends" have treated me.

(63 Posts)
Purplegirlie Sun 17-Jul-11 22:20:46

When my DD started school 2 years ago I made, and became close to, 3 other women with children in DD's year. We all live near each other and have had many nights out, lots of coffee afternoons after school and spent a lot of time together.

In the past couple of weeks, they've all more or less stopped speaking to me. One in particular, that I was closest to, seems to be the "ringleader". We were always commenting on each others' FB statuses and photos and texting a lot. She has stopped commenting on my FB and is replying like a loon to any mutual friends statuses when she didn't used to do that particularly, very gushing posts, and ignoring anything I put on. All 3 are writing on each others' walls "Thank you for being such a fantastic friend" and that sort of thing. It comes up on my newsfeed page.

I thought maybe I was being a bit oversensitive, but last week one morning I saw them all walking home from the school run, so I walked up to them and said hello and they could all barely bring themselves to speak to me. We got to my house and I went inside and barely got a goodbye from them. When I went out half an hour later in the car I saw them a few houses up from me standing together chatting and laughing. I then sent each of them a text saying "Have I done anything to upset you?" and from each I got a "No of course not Hunny" type reply. Several days later I saw one of the mums walking home from school and again I said hello and her daughter said "Lets go mummy, we don't like her"

Clearly there is something going on; I can't think of anything I've done wrong. I've often done favours for each of them and think I've been a good friend. I guess they just haven't ever outgrown the playground. I feel upset though as they were my friends and although I know other mums at the school I feel a bit lost. I feel like I've been a bad judge of character and am upset at having to start from scratch now everyone else already has their friend groups.

banana87 Sun 17-Jul-11 22:26:15

Ewch. sad I hate it when this happens. The same thing happened to me about a year ago, the "ringleader" was psycho though and made up a very sensational story about me calling her a B** on facebook (I NEVER did) and everyone believed her (!) and stopped talking to me. Devastating at first but looking back I am SO.HAPPY to be rid of the group, especially with a ringleader like that. I moved on, made new friends who are not shallow and gossipy and really really do not miss the old group.

Purplegirlie Sun 17-Jul-11 22:28:04

That's awful, banana87. It's infuriating how everyone believes the ringleaders of these things isn't it? I'm so annoyed because I felt I did the adult thing and asked them if I'd done anything yet none of them have the balls to tell me. DH says it's because I probably haven't done anything, they're just being bitches.

YummyHoney Sun 17-Jul-11 22:28:45

Well, you've hit the nail on the head - they haven't outgrown the playground. Unfortunately there are lots of these about, but, thankfully, most women HAVE outgrown the playground.

It IS hurtful when adults treat you like this, but, honestly, you're better off without them as they are obviously going to follow the bitch ringleader, for fear of falling foul of her.

I would pull away from them and chat with the other mums - I'm sure you'll make new friends who are worthy of your friendship.

michglas Sun 17-Jul-11 22:30:27

I don't think it's something you've done to be honest. I think your daughter has fallen out with their kids at school, and instead of being grown ups and not falling out over the children they have decided to exclude you as well.

SittingBull Sun 17-Jul-11 22:32:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplegirlie Sun 17-Jul-11 22:32:27

It's odd because my DD is in a separate class to their children this year, and has never particularly played with them, except out of school. However the main ringleader's DD doesn't like my DD it seems and isn't very pleasant to her at times. So you could well be right that it's about the kids

claricestar Sun 17-Jul-11 22:33:22

you are better off without these so called friends. they're setting such a bad example to their kids as well. it must feel awful but try to keep your chin up.

YummyHoney Sun 17-Jul-11 22:34:02

Totally agree with SittingBull - excellent advice.

TragicallyHip Sun 17-Jul-11 22:35:35

Christ what pathetic arses! You probably haven't done anything wrong so don't feel bad.

Is there any other mothers you can befriend?

Purplegirlie Sun 17-Jul-11 22:37:27

Thanks for the replies everyone

I know quite a few other mums, enough to say hello to and have a little chat. I'm probably better keeping the school pickup to polite chitchat and keeping friends separate to school

2shoes Sun 17-Jul-11 22:38:53

take sittingbull's advice
and hide them on your fb feed, so at least you don't have to suffer their childishness

pigletmania Sun 17-Jul-11 22:43:52

purple don't worry I would delete and block the lot of them from my FB, delete their mobile phones and ignore the 'children', they obviously think that they are back at school. My goodness is it any wonder the way that some children behave when they have parents like this, what example are they setting their children hmm. They don't even have the guts to tell it to your face. You will find some lovely sincere friends I am sure, these are not your friends.

pigletmania Sun 17-Jul-11 22:44:27

I meant 'children' meaning these silly little girls who cannot think for themselves and are like sheep

pigletmania Sun 17-Jul-11 22:45:47

Just be civil, polite and have nowt to do with them

shortround Sun 17-Jul-11 22:46:44

Defiantly hide them from your fb feeds and maybe ask your daughter if anything has been said in school? Kids can be brutally honest.

Purplegirlie Sun 17-Jul-11 22:47:46

Something I forgot to say earlier is I think the main ringleader is jealous that we're going on holiday soon. Her DH said to mine that she keeps saying to him she wants a holiday and it isn't fair that we're having one and they're not and he keeps saying they can't afford it. So have been thinking it could be jealousy about that but it seems so ridiculous that us having a week abroad would cause this much hassle and bad feeling. To add, I haven't been going on about the holiday, just mentioned it a couple of times, when we booked it and recently when they mentioned getting together to do things in the summer holidays.

pigletmania Sun 17-Jul-11 22:48:19

Don't even have them on your FB, whats the point if they are nasty

pigletmania Sun 17-Jul-11 22:49:40

Look purple they are not worth it, they sound so immature. Enjoy your holiday and get some real friends who will never do this to you.

Purplegirlie Sun 17-Jul-11 22:50:24

I feel that if I delete them from my FB, it will make it worse and cause a massive "fallout" which will make me look really bad at the school. If I carry on being polite but not having a lot to do with them, I think it will blow over and won't escalate. I'm finished being friends with them but I'd prefer to avoid aggro, if I can.

TheBolter Sun 17-Jul-11 22:50:48

Wow, they sound like a pretty insufferable bunch, and you are by far better off without them!

It's funny how some women seem to develop a pack-like mentality when together. Often as individuals they can be perfectly fine but en masse can turn into a bunch of bitchy thirteen year olds.

Block their news on FB, and be glad to be shot of them. THIS IS NOT WHAT TRUE FRIENDSHIP IS ABOUT! And feel sorry for their next 'victim'.

pigletmania Sun 17-Jul-11 22:53:17

Just put on your status saying that you are scalling down your FB as there is too many on there. Looks like they have already created the rift an aggro themselves. Good plan, they are so not worth it.

TheBolter Sun 17-Jul-11 22:54:17

It sounds like a possible jealousy issue. Be honest: are you prettier, thinner, and better-off than the ring-leader? Often it's stuff like that that can make certain insecure women (not all hope I don't sound misogynist - I'm far from it, just that men never seem this bad!) turn into clawed cats.

pigletmania Sun 17-Jul-11 22:55:25

I don't have many friends, but I tell you the friends I do have would never do this, and would do anything for you, and me to them. They are such a sincere and lovely people.

MoonGirl1981 Sun 17-Jul-11 22:56:06

Are they twelve?

Remove them from facebook and forget about them!

They sound like pains in the arse!

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