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AIBU?

To want a divorce after only 6 months of marriage?

75 replies

ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:00

we have been together 5 years and 6 months. married for the 6 months. we are young (I am 20) but I think it was a huge mistake.

I just dont love him anymore. He feels more like an annoying brother than a husband. I dont find him attractive anymore and I won't sleep with him.

I dont know what to do. I really want out.

OP posts:

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Tillyscoutsmum · 17/07/2011 19:02

/ I'm so sorry. Do you have children together ?

FWIW, legally you have to be married for a year before you can divorce.

Sn0wflake · 17/07/2011 19:02

Did you love him 6 months ago?

Alambil · 17/07/2011 19:02

get counselling first

marriage takes getting used to and working on - it doesn't just come naturally

Did you live together before you got hitched or are you learning all those new skills too? learning to share the duvet takes time in itself

ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:04

No we dont. we have a dog though!

I had a miscarriage a few months ago. He thinks this is all because of that but its really not. If anything the miscarriage has made me take a step back and realise what I want out of life and this isn't it. I just feel trapped

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ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:07

When we got engaged 3 years ago I did. But the closer it got to the wedding I felt I didnt as much. Even on my wedding day but i thought it was just nerves. But i thought marrying him was the right thing to do. He hasnt done anything except love me.

he wants councelling so I have agreed to go. we are starting next week.

We dont have sex. Im not attracted to him anymore

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squeakytoy · 17/07/2011 19:10

People change a lot from the age of 15 to 20, and it could be that you have simply outgrown each other, and now want different things, and the relationship has run its' course.

You are so young.. dont end up ruining your life by being tied down.

Please make sure you dont get pregnant again. Having a child will not solve the way you feel.

I honestly dont think that there is a way to turn back from the way you feel when you are that age.. you havent had a chance to go out, date, experience life, in the way that most your age have, and you do need that.

I was in a relationship from the age of 14, until I was 19.. we were engaged at 18, and meant to marry, but I got cold feet and called the whole thing off.

I dont regret it, even though I know I hurt him back then. We are still friends 20 years later. Both now happily married to other people. He has 2 almost grown up kids..

Yama · 17/07/2011 19:10

I have a friend whose marriage lasted only a few weeks. It was as if the act of getting married highlighted just how wrong they were for each other. They were also young.

Would you find it very hard to leave him? Do you have parents you can go home to?

Sn0wflake · 17/07/2011 19:11

Is there anybody else? Just asking, not accusing?

lifechanger · 17/07/2011 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonDifficult · 17/07/2011 19:14

Stick it out a bit longer and really give the counselling a go. You are young, but the world is not as full of lovely men as many people like to make out. If you've got a good one, and it sounds as though you have, then really put an effort in. If you do leave, you want to know for sure that this isn't right. Because there'll be some lonely times out there after this for sure.

Becky99 · 17/07/2011 19:14

Why don't you try some personal therapy instead/as well? Give you am opportunity to explore how you're feeling.

honeyandsalt · 17/07/2011 19:14

Sounds like you've already made your mind up tbh.

When you're feeling that strongly about it, and him the other way, imho it'll take a lot of gentle discussion. You need to ask him if he wants to be with someone who isn't attracted to him, whether he doesn't deserve more from a relationship than what you are able to give.

TattyDevine · 17/07/2011 19:16

It sounds to me like its fizzled out and its hard to get it back.

In fact, I don't think you will on the snippits I've got from your post.

You will find it utterly liberating to get out of this marriage by the sound of it.

ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:17

Thanks everyone for replying.

I don't have anywhere I can go ( my mum has no spare room ) and I don't have a well paying enough job at the mo to live alone. I am applying everywhere like crazy though. I even told him the reason I was applying for jobs was so one of us could move out but he just kinda didnt listen to it :S

No there is nobody else. we were each others firsts etc... But I do find myself looking around for other people. I would never cheat,but I feel I'm looking to see what else is out there. If I truely loved him I wouldnt be doing that.

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maypole1 · 17/07/2011 19:18

And even though you don't love him your having un protected sex.

LaWeasel · 17/07/2011 19:19

Give the counselling a fair shot - maybe with a few changes you will find the passion again.

But if not, no of course it's not unreasonable to want a divorce. It would be silly to waste your life with someone you don't love.

squeakytoy · 17/07/2011 19:20

CH, do you have friends, maybe someone who would be willing to flatshare with you?

Are you not working at all at the moment? If not, does that mean you are stuck at home all day?

Where did you live before you got married?

ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:21

I do think I will find it great to get out of this. It sounds horrible but its true. I am watching all my friends do everything they want to do but I cant do it. and I want to.

I already said to him "do you really wanna be with someone who doesnt love you" and he said he doesnt care about that cause he thinks im lying. I just feel horrible. If I had somewhere to go i would have gone by now.

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squeakytoy · 17/07/2011 19:22

A bit presumptious there Maypole.. it could have been a contraception failure previously..

SmethwickBelle · 17/07/2011 19:22

I'm really sorry about your miscarriage, it sounds like that has made you think about things seriously, that's in itself no bad thing, but after a trauma like a miscarriage sometimes our brains are trying to "fix" things in general - as a defence mechanism - and so your relationship may seem overwhelmingly rubbish when it isn't really.

However you describe the situation so calmly and with clarity (if that makes sense) makes me think that things really aren't panning out as you would like, give it thought, talk to your husband about it and look after yourself.

themildmanneredjanitor · 17/07/2011 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:26

I know, I know, we were trying to have a baby, I stupidly thought it would make everything okay...I'm not the first and I wont be the last so please dont give me too much stick for it..... We havnt slept together in about 3 months though.

we have been living together for 3 and a half years.

I do work yes but unfortunately its part time - i have been struggling. but I am applying for jobs every day. I cant afford a flat share just now until I get a better job. I'm literally trapped

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ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:29

no we dont do things together. It didnt bother me at first, i enjoyed staying in with him etc... but its like I just sit and watch all my friends doing all the things I want to do - gap years, holidays, even going out at the weekend and Im so jealous. Hes not in to that, I guess I thought I was marrying a good guy but I was actually marrying my dad and now I really regret it.

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ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:30

wel we started doing things together when i told him how bored i was but its just like we're doing stuff to make me happy not because we want to do it.

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ConfusedHeart · 17/07/2011 19:31

its like, when we're doing things like dinner, cinema etc.. im happy and everything but im wishing it was someone else i was with not him. Hes just very bitter about things its hard to have a good time with him.

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