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To be fed up of over indulged kids.

(35 Posts)
Bellethebelltent Sun 17-Jul-11 16:36:41

Live in a small village with lots of family, including my cousins children etc and friends kids.

I work 12 hr shifts and dh has kids at least 3 days a week by himself, always over one day at weekend too. Every time he plans a low key day, Lego, picnic walk etc the phone rings, someone pops in etc trying to arrange something for the kids to do. Playbarns etc etc, often it's the kids themselves that ring and then our dc get upset as dad says no or he feels pressure to go along with it.

Is it unreasonable to say that we will pencil in days, maybe once or twice a week with people but please don't hasstle us the rest of the time?

I like to do free things, geocaching, walks, bike rides and so on but it seems that the other kids need to be entertained 24/7. Dh is going to blow a fuse if the phone keeps ringing and so I'd rather politely stop it if poss.

At times living in a field in a yurt seems so appealing, some peace and quiet for dc to play and be alone!

LadyThumb Sun 17-Jul-11 16:42:27

Someone has got to learn to say 'no', whether it be you, your DH or your son.
But, really you should be grateful that your son has people who want to play with him. My son has ASD (he's now grown up) and, in all his life, no-one ever phoned or knocked the door asking him to play!

Set aside the odd day for chilling, and let them all know. 'No' is a complete sentence.

CeliaFate Sun 17-Jul-11 16:44:08

Just say "sorry we're having a quiet day then" or "we've got plans".

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Jul-11 16:44:47

It sounds awful to be so popular.

Tell them unfortunately you can't because you have other plans?

It's not a case of over indulged children but rather an unassertive DH.

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor Sun 17-Jul-11 16:45:08

Get an answering machine and then get back to them when you/your DH are willing to spend a day with them.

SingingSands Sun 17-Jul-11 16:45:11

Unplug the phone at the weekends?

You don't have to go along with other people if you don't want to, you are allowed to decline an invitation!

VanillaRooibos Sun 17-Jul-11 16:47:05

What's geocaching? Do you have to answer phone, I ever answer landline, only do 1471 and call back. Mobiles you can ignore

hobnobsaremyfave Sun 17-Jul-11 16:47:23

You sound a bit judgemental tbh . Just because some parents choose to do activities with their children at the weekend does not make them "over indulged", and I bet you would soon moan if no one ever invited your DC on any playdates/outings. If you don't want to do stuff just say no thank you.

Bellethebelltent Sun 17-Jul-11 17:05:54

Probably are being a bit judgmental I suppose, we do say no, all the time but it's draining and seems unfair on our dc, they see it as fun that we are spoiling.

I probably didn't describe it accurately, being in a very large family with 27 children under 12 all living with 3 miles is tough, it's like one big mass of noisy spoilt kids at times, and I think my dc would benefit from quiet days alone as a family.

It will be difficult to discuss this with them tho as they think it's great?

FuzzpigFourFiveSix Sun 17-Jul-11 17:16:56

There's two separate issues here:

1. The overindulgence - I do agree with others that it's nice you've got so much company if you want it. What would bug me is the fact they always seem to want to do something specific - what would happen if you suggested just 'hanging out' rather than a particular activity?

2. The fact nobody is saying no. You need to sit down as a family and agree on a certain amount of Quiet Days.

valiumredhead Sun 17-Jul-11 17:21:32

Just say you are busy! confused

Catslikehats Sun 17-Jul-11 17:27:10

I don't see this as over indulged children - just a difference in opinion on how other parents and children wish to fill their time.

Your DH needs to learn to say no, and your son needs to learn that sometimes his parents say no.

NestaFiesta Sun 17-Jul-11 17:32:46

YABU. At least you are being included. I always think its nice to be wanted even if I can't/don't want to go.

Get an answerphone to filter calls and tell people Sunday/Tuesday/ Whaterverday is our family day at home so we're not available then.

Do your own thing, join in when you feel like it and be grateful you're all so popular and that people want to involve you.

I don't think this is over indulged kids by the way, just parents trying to organise paid for stuff for their kids which isn't free bike rides etc like you do.

(still don't know what geocaching is...)

giveitago Sun 17-Jul-11 17:56:07

Your kids overindulged?

If not - who are the kids that are. Kids will call - they don't know your family timetable. Say yes or no. Very simple.

Bellethebelltent Sun 17-Jul-11 18:02:46

I feel all the kids are indulged, too much time together makes them less able to get on and play in their own smaller family groups. Need to be tougher with it all I suppose, and firmer with my own kids whining when we say no.

Geocaching is fab free fun, google it, we like it but others are obsessed and go out every week doing it. Bit like a world wide treasure hunt that is organised online but has real treasure locally to find

MrsKravitz Sun 17-Jul-11 18:11:14

Geocaching is not free if you dont have the equipment

activate Sun 17-Jul-11 18:13:48

probably a bit radical but

- don't answer the phone

NestaFiesta Sun 17-Jul-11 18:17:59

"I feel all the kids are indulged, too much time together makes them less able to get on and play in their own smaller family groups"

I actually think kids all playing together in a large group is good for them, quite the opposite of overindulged. It's extended family. Can't see a problem here. They will be with their family at all the times they are not playing with other kids.

ragged Sun 17-Jul-11 18:25:09

Very true, Kravitz, I don't have it either.

hobnobsaremyfave Sun 17-Jul-11 18:52:43

I think you have a weird idea of "indulged" confused

RumourOfAHurricane Sun 17-Jul-11 18:59:30

Message withdrawn

piprabbit Sun 17-Jul-11 18:59:38

Why don't you organise a free, fun day and invite the other children - show them that fun needn't be expensive?

TBH the children probably don't care what things cost - it's just the parents using the old standbys to entertain their children.

AgentZigzag Sun 17-Jul-11 19:02:21

27 children in your close family and yours are the only ones you think aren't over indulged?

That can't be right.

hobnobsaremyfave Sun 17-Jul-11 19:07:56

I think your children would be perfectly happy to spend the weekends with their friends and you think they are spoilt brats and unsuitable. Or at least that's how I read it.

rainbowtoenails Sun 17-Jul-11 19:14:29

This is why some people move away from their hometowns. If you cant move, ditch the landline.

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